Anonymous
09/05/2013 18:39
Subject: Uninvited mom with history of lack of support from visiting around baby's birth
Anonymous wrote:Avoid contact with the assholes that God gave you.
+1
Anonymous
09/04/2013 19:00
Subject: Uninvited mom with history of lack of support from visiting around baby's birth
OP here. Not sure how some posters are interpreting my setting boundaries with my mom regarding visiting during the birth as cutting her off "entirely."
The move is a temporary one intended to ensure I have healthy emotional support during a stressful time.
I also think it would set an unwise and unhealthy precedent to apologize for expressing my needs and setting boundaries. And no, I'm not going to leave my home and "hide" in a hotel postpartum. That would reinforce a message for both of us that I am not adult enough to hold my ground in my own home.
Not the move.
I do agree with the advice to calmly have a conversation with my mom once again expressing my feelings and boundaries. Recognizing my mom's emotional limitations and measuring my expectations also seems like very sound advice. Thank you!
The move is a temporary one intended to ensure I have healthy emotional support during a stressful time.
I also think it would set an unwise and unhealthy precedent to apologize for expressing my needs and setting boundaries. And no, I'm not going to leave my home and "hide" in a hotel postpartum. That would reinforce a message for both of us that I am not adult enough to hold my ground in my own home.
Not the move.
I do agree with the advice to calmly have a conversation with my mom once again expressing my feelings and boundaries. Recognizing my mom's emotional limitations and measuring my expectations also seems like very sound advice. Thank you!
Anonymous
09/04/2013 18:43
Subject: Re:Uninvited mom with history of lack of support from visiting around baby's birth
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't think you handled this very well. Your mother can't be what you need. That isn't who she is. You are demanding something from her that she can't give and then you are punishing her for it. That's really not fair to her.
It is awful to have a parent that you need something from and can't get. I had a mom like that. I understand how you feel. At the same time, you are never going to get what you want/need from her. You have to accept her for who she is. She isn't going to be someone different. Ever. Punishing her by cutting her off entirely is just causing drama and strife and unhappiness. You need to accept her for who she is and accept what she can give to you. If she can't meet your needs for mothering, find someone who can mother you. You might start with a therapist.
Call her back and apologize and tell her that you are stressed out and emotional. Tell her that you will reschedule for a time when you are less emotional and hormonal. If she insists on coming, get her a hotel room, or get yourself a hotel room and hide.
I agree with this.
Yeah, OP's mom, stop sock-puppeting and kindly refrain from posting. K thx bye
Anonymous
09/04/2013 17:37
Subject: Re:Uninvited mom with history of lack of support from visiting around baby's birth
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't think you handled this very well. Your mother can't be what you need. That isn't who she is. You are demanding something from her that she can't give and then you are punishing her for it. That's really not fair to her.
It is awful to have a parent that you need something from and can't get. I had a mom like that. I understand how you feel. At the same time, you are never going to get what you want/need from her. You have to accept her for who she is. She isn't going to be someone different. Ever. Punishing her by cutting her off entirely is just causing drama and strife and unhappiness. You need to accept her for who she is and accept what she can give to you. If she can't meet your needs for mothering, find someone who can mother you. You might start with a therapist.
Call her back and apologize and tell her that you are stressed out and emotional. Tell her that you will reschedule for a time when you are less emotional and hormonal. If she insists on coming, get her a hotel room, or get yourself a hotel room and hide.
I agree with this.
I disagree with this. OP has absolutely nothing to apologize for. And she should NOT allow her mother to RUN HER OUT OF HER OWN HOME, nor should she have to pay to put her mother up in a hotel when she was told she was not welcome.
Anonymous
09/04/2013 17:27
Subject: Re:Uninvited mom with history of lack of support from visiting around baby's birth
Anonymous wrote:I don't think you handled this very well. Your mother can't be what you need. That isn't who she is. You are demanding something from her that she can't give and then you are punishing her for it. That's really not fair to her.
It is awful to have a parent that you need something from and can't get. I had a mom like that. I understand how you feel. At the same time, you are never going to get what you want/need from her. You have to accept her for who she is. She isn't going to be someone different. Ever. Punishing her by cutting her off entirely is just causing drama and strife and unhappiness. You need to accept her for who she is and accept what she can give to you. If she can't meet your needs for mothering, find someone who can mother you. You might start with a therapist.
Call her back and apologize and tell her that you are stressed out and emotional. Tell her that you will reschedule for a time when you are less emotional and hormonal. If she insists on coming, get her a hotel room, or get yourself a hotel room and hide.
I agree with this.