Anonymous
Post 08/30/2013 10:17     Subject: SIL demands apology
Anonymous wrote:So SIL (my DH's brother's wife) got a tattoo, posted photo on FB. The tattoo is of a lion along with with the names of her, her DH and her DC written as well. She described it in the FB post as signifying courage and strength.
My DH commented that it looked more like a cow than a lion, and went on to describe some unsightly features of the tattoo and why it does not look like a lion at all. She is enraged, unfriended both DH & I and is demanding an apology from DH, and there is a stand off. And now sent me a note asking me for an explanation as to why DH did this.

Now it is true that it looks like a cow with shoes on and a pattern on its back, no hair, no mane, no lion like expression or form.

But I am unsure what is FB etiquette, is it ok to post such frank comments publicly, she says he should have told her in person so she can retaliate, but instead this comment was on her FB wall for 2 days before she could get to it and delete it, causing public humiliation for her.
I am also curious since DH as perceived by me can be blunt and rude, but he claims he is on spectrum and prefers being direct , whereas my SIL is also very emotional and has problems with few other family members.
Thoughts? Is she overreacting, or is he at fault, or both, and how best can this be addressed?


He is very much at fault. He should apologize for publicly humiliating his sister. Your SIL, however, is also overreacting a little by involving you. She should communicate directly with your husband, her brother, about her hurt feelings. You could be graceful and say something along the lines of how wonderful it is to honor her family with such a permanent decision, and how sorry you are that your husband was rude about it, but that you'd really prefer she talk to him about it directly, since it was his comments that upset her, not yours.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2013 10:08     Subject: SIL demands apology
Yup, your husband was wrong, and hurtful/mean. Your SIL does deserve an apology.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2013 08:57     Subject: SIL demands apology
*your
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2013 08:57     Subject: SIL demands apology
Anonymous wrote:So SIL (my DH's brother's wife) got a tattoo, posted photo on FB. The tattoo is of a lion along with with the names of her, her DH and her DC written as well. She described it in the FB post as signifying courage and strength.
My DH commented that it looked more like a cow than a lion, and went on to describe some unsightly features of the tattoo and why it does not look like a lion at all. She is enraged, unfriended both DH & I and is demanding an apology from DH, and there is a stand off. And now sent me a note asking me for an explanation as to why DH did this.

Now it is true that it looks like a cow with shoes on and a pattern on its back, no hair, no mane, no lion like expression or form.

But I am unsure what is FB etiquette, is it ok to post such frank comments publicly, she says he should have told her in person so she can retaliate, but instead this comment was on her FB wall for 2 days before she could get to it and delete it, causing public humiliation for her.
I am also curious since DH as perceived by me can be blunt and rude, but he claims he is on spectrum and prefers being direct , whereas my SIL is also very emotional and has problems with few other family members.
Thoughts? Is she overreacting, or is he at fault, or both, and how best can this be addressed?


Our husband is a big asshole.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2013 08:52     Subject: SIL demands apology
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don't respond publicly on Facebook. Any other communication about this should be on the phone between your DH and his sister.

Frankly, one should never share something on Facebook that they can't handle a snarky remark about.



I don't think it was a snarky comment. It was downright rude and mean.



One person's snarky is another person's rude. If DH is indeed "on the spectrum," he probably thought he was being honest and direct. SIL can choose to receive responses to her posts via email as soon as they are posted so she doesn't have to go online to see them.


So that makes it okay to insult her? He has a disorder and she should have gotten Facebook email, so it was all fine? You're really okay with this?
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2013 07:55     Subject: SIL demands apology
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don't respond publicly on Facebook. Any other communication about this should be on the phone between your DH and his sister.

Frankly, one should never share something on Facebook that they can't handle a snarky remark about.



I don't think it was a snarky comment. It was downright rude and mean.



One person's snarky is another person's rude. If DH is indeed "on the spectrum," he probably thought he was being honest and direct. SIL can choose to receive responses to her posts via email as soon as they are posted so she doesn't have to go online to see them.


Ah so you are one of THOSE moms. Got it
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2013 07:37     Subject: SIL demands apology
DH "claims" he is on the spectrum? He either is or isn't. Has he been formally diagnosed or is he making this up as an excuse to be an asshole? In any event, I know many people on the spectrum and while they can be direct, they aren't deliberately cruel.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2013 07:33     Subject: SIL demands apology
Anonymous wrote:So SIL (my DH's brother's wife) got a tattoo, posted photo on FB. The tattoo is of a lion along with with the names of her, her DH and her DC written as well. She described it in the FB post as signifying courage and strength.
My DH commented that it looked more like a cow than a lion, and went on to describe some unsightly features of the tattoo and why it does not look like a lion at all. She is enraged, unfriended both DH & I and is demanding an apology from DH, and there is a stand off. And now sent me a note asking me for an explanation as to why DH did this.

Now it is true that it looks like a cow with shoes on and a pattern on its back, no hair, no mane, no lion like expression or form.

But I am unsure what is FB etiquette, is it ok to post such frank comments publicly, she says he should have told her in person so she can retaliate, but instead this comment was on her FB wall for 2 days before she could get to it and delete it, causing public humiliation for her.
I am also curious since DH as perceived by me can be blunt and rude, but he claims he is on spectrum and prefers being direct , whereas my SIL is also very emotional and has problems with few other family members.
Thoughts? Is she overreacting, or is he at fault, or both, and how best can this be addressed?


Btw, WTF is a lion-like expression?
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2013 07:32     Subject: SIL demands apology
I feel so bad for your husbands sister. You guys are just assholes. I hope you don't have kids with this guy.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2013 05:20     Subject: SIL demands apology
OP, your husband is over the top insanely mean and chickenshit rude. This is his sister? I would apologize on his behalf NOW. And send her flowers.

And he is not "on the spectrum." People on the spectrum can be blunt but they do not drop bombs like this on Facebook. He is hiding his cruelty.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2013 04:25     Subject: SIL demands apology
your husband is an asshole
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2013 02:30     Subject: SIL demands apology
Your husband was wrong. Even if he were on the spectrum that's not a pass for being an asshole. It's an indicator to an adult that they need therapy to help them learn proper societal boundaries.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2013 02:24     Subject: SIL demands apology
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don't respond publicly on Facebook. Any other communication about this should be on the phone between your DH and his sister.

Frankly, one should never share something on Facebook that they can't handle a snarky remark about.



I don't think it was a snarky comment. It was downright rude and mean.



One person's snarky is another person's rude. If DH is indeed "on the spectrum," he probably thought he was being honest and direct. SIL can choose to receive responses to her posts via email as soon as they are posted so she doesn't have to go online to see them.
Anonymous
Post 08/29/2013 20:39     Subject: SIL demands apology
Anonymous wrote: But I am unsure what is FB etiquette, is it ok to post such frank comments publicly, she says he should have told her in person so she can retaliate, but instead this comment was on her FB wall for 2 days before she could get to it and delete it, causing public humiliation for her.

Even if you have never been on Facebook, why would you think that there are different rules of etiquette that would make it acceptable for your husband to be so rude? Rude is rude.
Anonymous
Post 08/29/2013 20:38     Subject: SIL demands apology
OP, this should be a wake up call to how he treats you and other people. He's probably emotionally abusive to you and your children. It's just sad.