F, 30, LTR - the only ex I kept in touch with died in a car accident, but I'm very close with his family and particularly his sister and her husband and kids. My other exes weren't serious enough to warrant staying in touch with after I moved out of the state - our paths never cross and we never had much in common anyway. (I have no problem with people who do, although my partner is very opposed to it.)

41 and single, and dated a lot before I had my daughter at 35. (I consider her dad a friend/coparent and enjoy spending time with him.) I have a big circle of friends, both male and female. There are some guys I've dated who I've stayed friends with because they are nice people and I enjoy hanging out with them or being minimally in touch on Facebook. Unless someone really screwed me over (rare) or feels I really screwed them over (even more rare), I see no issue with staying friendly.

Anonymous wrote:Ex=thoughts of past sex.

Maybe for you, but to for me and not for most of my girlfriends. Sure, if sex was particularly off the hook with that ex, you may revisit that in your mind whether you're in touch or not. But for those of us who had relationships that were about way more than sex, the sex isn't what stands out the most. The ex that I once told he should put his sex skills on his work résumé because he was THAT GOOD? We're facebook friends, and talk about nothing but our spouses, our kids, and our old city and friends. And the one time I saw him in recent years, we probably both thought about past sex at some point, but never spoke of it, there was no tension, and we agreed that we need to get our families together next time.

Sex was never the be-all, end-all of my relationships, so it's not the reason I still like talking to my exes. Even the really, well, talented exes.

Ex=thoughts of past sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It is immature to continue being friends with exes once you are married.

Why?

Why the hell would you?

Why? For the exes I still stay in touch with (because some have just faded away, and that's ok too). But for the ones I still see, speak to or are facebook friends with, I do because:

1. They are cool people, I respect them and find them interesting, and we still have many things in common

2. A few of them, I know DH would like, so when they pass through town I make sure we have dinner or a play date if they have kids.

3. A couple of them are in my field of work, so we cross paths anyway.

The ones who I stopped dating because they were NOT cool/nice/respectful, I had no problem leaving them way behind. A few of them have tried to make contact later, I am cordial and then stop responding.

"Why the hell would you?" poster, it's too bad you either don't like or can't handle contact with your exes before. I guess I'm lucky that I dated so many truly amicable guys. They weren't right for me in the long run, but they are still really interesting, good guys.

Anonymous wrote:It is immature to continue being friends with exes once you are married.

No, actually quite the opposite. It takes GREATER maturity to be able to still enjoy and appreciate what you liked about each other (other than the sexual part) while knowing what is appropriate and not given that you're in a committed relationship.

Further, I have always considered it a GOOD sign in a new guy if he's still friends with his exes. That means he most likely wasn't psycho or mean and that they still like being around him.

My 2nd longest relationship next to my DH, at his wedding to his current wife there were 3 of his exes. I stayed with him and his fiancée (now wife) several times over the years when I was still single. My DH was invited to their wedding too. I have met 2 of my DHs exes, and they were both very nice (had dinner with one).

It takes so much more maturity and health in your relationship to still be friends with exes than it does to cut off all platonic contact.

If your marriage is healthy and strong, what in the world is there to for from being friends with exes? Only insecure or cheating spouses fear this.

I talk to all my exes, whether the relationship was trivial or deep. Why wouldn't I? I'm married but not dead Female.

I talk to my ex husband every day. We have a child together, so those conversations are often related to her. That said, our divorce changed him for the better. I would not want to be married to him again (because I know he's not THAT different), but I actually like him as a person now, so if we did not have a child together, I would still consider him a friend. My husband is okay with this, though they are not friends and we do not socialize as a group.

Other than him, I am Facebook friends with several people I dated in high school and college. I don't see them in person, because none of them live here. That said, one of my closest friends is someone I fooled around with in college but never had an actual relationship with. My husband knows that we had a physical relationship 15 years ago, and it doesn't bother him. He lives in New York and we see each other when I go there for other reasons.

Not most of them. No hard feelings, they're just from a long time ago and our lives have gone different directions and we live in different places.

One exception is the bf who was in the same social circle as me all through college. We still have mutual friends and are in touch. He was in our wedding party, and I'll probably be in his (he's now living with one of my very good friends) if he ever gets married.

I still talk to two exes - one I have a previous DC with, and one that was the first love of my life. Previous DC ex - talk to him so that we can be amicable and can maintain visitation rights with him without WWIII.

Previous love - would have been my life long partner, had not we have been in different stages of our lives. Still have a soft spot for him and keep in occasional contact to know how he's doing. In a perfect world, we would have been together forever.

Currently married for 9 years. Was very good friends with ex until he started dating his current fiance two years ago. We had dated for three years in college, which was 20 years ago. My ex was within a close circle of friends from college. My husband was good friends with him too. My ex even helped him buy a truck and attended his bachelor party. All went to pot the beginning of this year when we've basically cut off all contact. Fiance is jealous, even though we live 500 miles apart and see each other at most once a year.

It is immature to continue being friends with exes once you are married.


Why?


Why the hell would you?

Because they are nice enough people, you run in the same social circles and have to deal with and run into each other, you're not pissed off at them, and you're over the relationship?

Anonymous wrote:

It is immature to continue being friends with exes once you are married.

Why?

Why the hell would you?

Why do you ask, op? just curious why

I am married 20 years and female. Had one serious long term adult relationship before my DH - a 3.5 year relationship. That ex, I talk to about once/every year or two, usually by email. Don't talk to my teen love, or anyone else I dated for shorter periods of time. My DH talks to his ex-wife every few years by email. We don't have kids. My DH's ex-girlfriend from when they were teens contacted him on fb and they started talking too much and had a long distance emotional affair type thing, so now he doesn't talk to her at all.

Anonymous wrote:I still talk to most of my ex-friends, so I consider that a victory.