Have you talked to admissions of the private school?

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your input. Our DS is on board and positive about repeating but the public school will not let us hence the reason for putting him in private. We believe in the public school system and have 2 other kids in the system so want to put our DS back in public. I am just wondering if anyone has put their child in a private to repeat and then transferred them back to public. If so, was public okay with this?

What could the public school do about it at that point?

Thank you for your input. Our DS is on board and positive about repeating but the public school will not let us hence the reason for putting him in private. We believe in the public school system and have 2 other kids in the system so want to put our DS back in public. I am just wondering if anyone has put their child in a private to repeat and then transferred them back to public. If so, was public okay with this?

We unexpectedly repeated a lower ES grade when we transferred our child from public to private and that particular private used a different summer birthday cut off (which our child missed). I’m still not sure how I feel about it long-term and our child seems a bit self-conscious about it, but it was the right decision at the time when public schools in our area remained virtual for a whole academic year.

We did this for my DS when he switched from public to private. He repeated 6th grade. We talked to him about it long beforehand and he was fully on board and agreed with our reasoning. Fast forward 3 years and he is so much happier and well adjusted in school. He has made great friends at his private and looking back we feel we made a great choice. He is still friends with this public school friends, they all know, and he says no one cares. You just need to be up front and honest about the reasons. Listen to and address his feelings about it. If you are confident about the decision, he will be, too.

If you have your child repeat a grade (2nd) in private and want to transfer them back to public the next year does the public school have to accept them in as a 3rd grader?

Anonymous wrote:Re extra year of hs..have to say I think that would be a great idea for any child not quite ready for college. Wonder if boarding schools will take kids for just one year? I think there has been a lot of great advice..in the end do what you feel is right for your child and try to not worry about judgement.

Many boarding schools offer post graduate programs where you graduate from your HS (so you are still considered an alumnus) and you do one year and graduate again.

http://www.andover.edu/Academics/CollegeCounseling/GapYear/Pages/default.aspx

http://www.boardingschoolreview.com/pg_boarding_schools.php

Also, service academies (i.e. naval) have a gap year programs. (I know 2 kids that did this and made the 1st year much less stressful, well as less stressful as a academy year can be)

Re extra year of hs..have to say I think that would be a great idea for any child not quite ready for college. Wonder if boarding schools will take kids for just one year? I think there has been a lot of great advice..in the end do what you feel is right for your child and try to not worry about judgement.

We had DS repeat fifth when he moved from public to private - he was a fall baby (this was when the deadline in MD was 12/31), and would have been 4 months younger than the next youngest boy in the grade. He would have been fine academically either way, but was already a bit uncomfortable socially, which was sapping his confidence. It was absolutely the right thing to do - he wasn't bored, as the school accelerated him in math and the language arts, social studies, and science curricula were different. His organizational skills were better matched to the younger grade.

He just graduated from high school and is off to college. He NEVER complained about the repeated year, and stayed friends with many of his original classmates.

OP, I'm not sure you have to make the decision now. When my son applied, we left the fifth vs. sixth open to discussion, and didn't decide until much later.

Anonymous wrote:Agreed. The next question is: if you didn't hold back a younger student, do you then consider waiting a year before sending them off to college?

It's much more the kid's decision at this point. At least I like to see my kids be the major decision-makers in their lives by the time they're 18. Sure I offer input and guidance and all but the decisions are theirs.

Two pluses for holding back -- another year with your child before they head off to college, and another year to save for college. But then there's another year of private school tuition too.

We held back DD in 3rd at a Montessori school because it was pretty much seamless-- you couldn't tell what grades kids were in anyway. Turns out several other kids did the same thing and I didn't know until years later. It was so good for DD-- now she's in with kids at the same age and development instead of being an early bird. If I hadn't done it she would be so out of her element right now.

Agreed. The next question is: if you didn't hold back a younger student, do you then consider waiting a year before sending them off to college?

Anonymous wrote:See I told you the people who didn't hold back get highly charged if you make another decision. Also keep in mind that it is very different for a boy than a girl.

I have a (very) late August born daughter who we did not hold back due to a family history of tall women and early puberty. She's kept up just fine academically and is indeed turning out to be rather advanced physically. If our family history was one of short women and late puberty I would not have hesitated to hold her back a year.

You're not just sending your kid to school for the academics. Do what's right for the whole child.

See I told you the people who didn't hold back get highly charged if you make another decision. Also keep in mind that it is very different for a boy than a girl.

Anonymous wrote:Holy cow, I would have died of shame if my parents kept me back for anything other than academic issues. I know that with a school transfer, nobody outside the family needs to know, but YIKES. I was a late September birthday and was almost always the youngest kid. Somehow I survived.

Sure you survived. We can survive almost anything. This isn't about surviving or perishing, this is about enjoying the journey. It's not easy being a kid and if you can level the playing field or give your kid a marginal advantage, I see nothing wrong with using the redshirt option.