Anonymous
Post 08/29/2013 22:39     Subject: Love your in laws but hate SIL?
Anonymous wrote:You describe the options for interacting with your SIL as "suck it up and be fake or ignore her." That is very telling. From your description, she hasn't done anything too horrible; it just sounds like the two of you don't get along. A mature adult who values relationships would do their utmost to find aome common ground with a woman who is very dear to people who are very dear to you. An immature person who loves drama would look for reasons to dislike a woman with whom they perceive competition for affection and would try to get others to choose sides. You are sounding a lot more like the latter. Either we are missing the actual offensive things your SIL has done to you and your sincere efforts to mend fences, or you are as much a part of the problem as she is, but YOU are the one actively trying to exclude HER from her own family.


This, this, this. My SIL really could not handle when she was no longer center of attention when her brother and I married. She went so far to try and get friends and family to take sides against me. At that point, her brother went nuts on her. It was a rough couple of years but we finally got to better ground. We can't really depend on her, but holidays are pretty good and the cousins enjoy each other.

Also, the reasons you gave to dislike her seem fairly petty, making you seem smug and judgmental. I opened this thread, assuming we might have a lot in common and leave it wondering if you are my SIL.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 18:05     Subject: Love your in laws but hate SIL?
Op you sound controlling. Of course MIL wants to see her kids together..age doesn't stop that. As for you husband not liking her? God it's his sister..there are years where I cannot stand my brothers but we are still family. Good for mil standing her ground and insisting her daughter is included. Too often parents allow these rifts because they can see each child individually and it makes their social calendar full. Then siblings have no chance to reconnect. Which you may not care about but keeping sibling relationships I are important and someday mom will be dead
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 09:16     Subject: Love your in laws but hate SIL?
Anonymous wrote:It's her daughter; SIL will always come first for your mil.


This is true, but should she be putting her daughter ahead of her son? My husband has had issues with his sister for years and more recently she has said and done hurtful things to him. My MIL basically doesn't like confrontation, wants to stay out of it, and asks that we put the elephant in the closet when we see each other. If you feel wronged by someone, talk to her about it, she promises to stop a certain behavior and then doesn't, it is pretty hard to just ignore the fact that an incident occurred and doesn't improve conditions.

I realize this issue is separate from my relationship with SIL, but combined, it makes us dread having to spend time together.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2013 09:05     Subject: Love your in laws but hate SIL?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here - I'm definitely not trying to start drama. As I mentioned before, DH is not very fond of his sister. She can be ignorant, she tends to drink too much and sends mean texts, he hates that she smokes, we generally don't have anything in common with her. We never hung out with her one on one since we've been together. Now, we just dread going to an even with the family because it is just not enjoyable. It is obvious if we ignore her as there are only the parents, SIL and maybe an aunt.


Have you never encountered someone you just don't get along with? These are not reasons to "dread" things. You don't like her, she probably doesn't like you. Just deal with it, I promise you many more people won't like you in the coming years.


This is good advice--you don't like your SIL, but you "dread" spending time with her? You can't even be polite and civil when you're around her? No wonder your MIL is pulling away--she probably feels like you and your husband are ganging up on your SIL and want your MIL to take sides--and if she does, she's going to choose her daughter. Don't make her choose. Be as pleasant and kind to your SIL as you can.