Anonymous
Post 08/12/2013 17:11     Subject: This is a really tough situation

Well, for starters, if I was talking about somewhere I was traveling, I would say that I was flying to "Korea, Hong Kong, and Tokyo". "The Orient" is a dated word with offensive overtones. It is considered racist by many if you were to refer to a person as "Oriental". If nothing else, you're showing that you're pretty out of touch.

Yes, one would say that their husband is traveling in Asian, not the Orient, in this century. The only thing you can call Oriental and have it be ok is a rug....
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2013 17:06     Subject: This is a really tough situation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Been married for 24 years. Love my husband but I am going to come out and say it...I am bored. I respect him immensely, he is a highly accomplished professional, we live in an amazing home, have a second beach house, our kids attend a top private school, we take amazing trips, you get the picture. I quit working years ago to raise our kids which i do not regret. I got married young and that could be a big part of why i am feeling this way. I am not happy about it because I don't want to do something stupid. My husband is a good loyal man, but boring ugh..yes he is. Works a lot too.

Fast forward= went to our beach house this past weekend to have some work done. The architect who is doing the job was there (met for the first time) and to say there were sparks is an understatement. It was actually a little scary. I don't know that I have ever felt that electrifying feeling EVER. No nothing happened but we worked together a few hours and it was very obvious there was a strong mutual attraction. He is a good 10 years younger than me (but I look very young for my age).

Now, I am supposed to go back this Sat. to work with him all day. My husband is flying to the Orient for two weeks and leaving it in my hands. I am honestly petrified of something happening. The physicality of the situation was unlike anything I have ever experienced and I am not going to lie...if he had tried to kiss me i would not have stopped him. Please help me!! Do I go? Do I not go? Do I fire him and hire someone else? Between my feelings of wanting to be with someone else (again kind of out of boredom) the insane attraction to this gorgeous man (unmarried) and my own total lack of self control at this point in my life...I am a little nervous. Please do not judge me. I am putting myself out there beucuse I want genuine good advice.


You are an adult. Act like an adult. If you feel like you are unable to control yourself around this man, you should not be around this man. It sounds like you are having a midlife crisis of sorts. A therapist can help you sort this out, or you could just pull yourself together and not act on your sexual attraction to a stranger.

Also, "the Orient"? Really? It's 2013 and this is not a Victorian romance novel.


bwahaha, I was thinking the real thing. Me thinks OP is taking a stab at soft core novel writing. LOL


I stopped reading after "the Orient". LOL!!!
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2013 17:05     Subject: This is a really tough situation
Anonymous wrote:Wow amazing what happens when I step away from my computer for a few hours. No this is not made up ..and I am perplexed why "The Orient" is a problem. He is going to Korea, Hong Kong and Tokyo..is not that the Orient?

Some of you offered great advice, bring the kids. Very good idea. Some of you are just plain old mean. This is not typical of me at all, I have never felt this way and in fact this afternoon made an appt. for the first time in my life with a therapist for next week. These feelings are new to me and kind of freaking me out. But seriously do not judge or throw stones, for someone being honest and putting their feelings out there.


Well, for starters, if I was talking about somewhere I was traveling, I would say that I was flying to "Korea, Hong Kong, and Tokyo". "The Orient" is a dated word with offensive overtones. It is considered racist by many if you were to refer to a person as "Oriental". If nothing else, you're showing that you're pretty out of touch.

As for the rest of your post, being bored with your husband after many years of marriage is not an excuse to have a steamy affair with an architect. Exercise some self control. If you'd like some more spice in your life, maybe you should involve your husband in that. Maybe you could travel with him, for example.

And before you suggest that people should not judge or throw stones, many of us have found ourselves attracted to other people while married. The line is when you act on it.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2013 17:04     Subject: This is a really tough situation
Anonymous wrote:I am going to play devil's advocate and say - go for it; have a discreet little affair. However, be aware that if you are found out and if your husband is upset, he may file for divorce and your life will change completely.

I am sure, though, that some middle aged women have had discreet affairs for the fun of it with no negative consequences.


Whoa! Bad advice alert. Is this from the same 87-year-old who use the term "Orient"? OP, if you're not a troll, if you're actually a "middle aged woman" with such a sensational life/financial situation, don't take advice from "devil's advocate." Even he says, DH will divorce you.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2013 17:00     Subject: This is a really tough situation
Don't go. It has no future. You're risking a solid relationship for a fling. If you cheat, you'll be found out or confess, the marriage will end, you'll cheat your kids out of a FT dad, your finances will plummet, your DH will remarry and you'll be left in an absolute mess.

I've seen this happen to friends a dozen times. Learn from their mistakes. Don't do it to yourself.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2013 16:59     Subject: This is a really tough situation
I think a lot of us are too quick to judge this person. Sounds like OP you are really really unhappy. Maybe its not your husband, maybe its you. Maybe your life, or the lack of career you gave up.

How about starting a new career or hobby with a lot less risks than having an affair that might backfire?

I have to tell you, I had a two night affair on business years ago, never got found out but its a horrible secret I have had to carry and I cannot stand it. Would go back and erase it if I could. Wasn't worth it. Think twice, sounds like you have a lot to lose.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2013 16:57     Subject: This is a really tough situation
Wow amazing what happens when I step away from my computer for a few hours. No this is not made up ..and I am perplexed why "The Orient" is a problem. He is going to Korea, Hong Kong and Tokyo..is not that the Orient?

Some of you offered great advice, bring the kids. Very good idea. Some of you are just plain old mean. This is not typical of me at all, I have never felt this way and in fact this afternoon made an appt. for the first time in my life with a therapist for next week. These feelings are new to me and kind of freaking me out. But seriously do not judge or throw stones, for someone being honest and putting their feelings out there.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2013 16:49     Subject: This is a really tough situation
Anonymous wrote:"The Orient" was the thing that jumped out at me about this post too! It makes me think the OP is actually a fairly sheltered 87-year-old man who's titillated by the idea of a bored, hot housewife getting it on with a younger working man.


This cracked me up. I'm guessing the story is fiction, too (it totally reads like one of those contemporary grocery-store romances), but I didn't picture an 87-year-old man as the author!


Anonymous
Post 08/12/2013 16:29     Subject: This is a really tough situation
I will never be jealous of beach house owners again.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2013 16:26     Subject: This is a really tough situation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Been married for 24 years. Love my husband but I am going to come out and say it...I am bored. I respect him immensely, he is a highly accomplished professional, we live in an amazing home, have a second beach house, our kids attend a top private school, we take amazing trips, you get the picture. I quit working years ago to raise our kids which i do not regret. I got married young and that could be a big part of why i am feeling this way. I am not happy about it because I don't want to do something stupid. My husband is a good loyal man, but boring ugh..yes he is. Works a lot too.

Fast forward= went to our beach house this past weekend to have some work done. The architect who is doing the job was there (met for the first time) and to say there were sparks is an understatement. It was actually a little scary. I don't know that I have ever felt that electrifying feeling EVER. No nothing happened but we worked together a few hours and it was very obvious there was a strong mutual attraction. He is a good 10 years younger than me (but I look very young for my age).

Now, I am supposed to go back this Sat. to work with him all day. My husband is flying to the Orient for two weeks and leaving it in my hands. I am honestly petrified of something happening. The physicality of the situation was unlike anything I have ever experienced and I am not going to lie...if he had tried to kiss me i would not have stopped him. Please help me!! Do I go? Do I not go? Do I fire him and hire someone else? Between my feelings of wanting to be with someone else (again kind of out of boredom) the insane attraction to this gorgeous man (unmarried) and my own total lack of self control at this point in my life...I am a little nervous. Please do not judge me. I am putting myself out there beucuse I want genuine good advice.


You are an adult. Act like an adult. If you feel like you are unable to control yourself around this man, you should not be around this man. It sounds like you are having a midlife crisis of sorts. A therapist can help you sort this out, or you could just pull yourself together and not act on your sexual attraction to a stranger.

Also, "the Orient"? Really? It's 2013 and this is not a Victorian romance novel.


bwahaha, I was thinking the real thing. Me thinks OP is taking a stab at soft core novel writing. LOL


PP here. Doesn't seem like it's going very well. I see no vampires or BDSM anywhere in this story.


"The Orient" was the thing that jumped out at me about this post too! It makes me think the OP is actually a fairly sheltered 87-year-old man who's titillated by the idea of a bored, hot housewife getting it on with a younger working man.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2013 16:23     Subject: This is a really tough situation
I am going to play devil's advocate and say - go for it; have a discreet little affair. However, be aware that if you are found out and if your husband is upset, he may file for divorce and your life will change completely.

I am sure, though, that some middle aged women have had discreet affairs for the fun of it with no negative consequences.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2013 16:16     Subject: This is a really tough situation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Been married for 24 years. Love my husband but I am going to come out and say it...I am bored. I respect him immensely, he is a highly accomplished professional, we live in an amazing home, have a second beach house, our kids attend a top private school, we take amazing trips, you get the picture. I quit working years ago to raise our kids which i do not regret. I got married young and that could be a big part of why i am feeling this way. I am not happy about it because I don't want to do something stupid. My husband is a good loyal man, but boring ugh..yes he is. Works a lot too.

Fast forward= went to our beach house this past weekend to have some work done. The architect who is doing the job was there (met for the first time) and to say there were sparks is an understatement. It was actually a little scary. I don't know that I have ever felt that electrifying feeling EVER. No nothing happened but we worked together a few hours and it was very obvious there was a strong mutual attraction. He is a good 10 years younger than me (but I look very young for my age).

Now, I am supposed to go back this Sat. to work with him all day. My husband is flying to the Orient for two weeks and leaving it in my hands. I am honestly petrified of something happening. The physicality of the situation was unlike anything I have ever experienced and I am not going to lie...if he had tried to kiss me i would not have stopped him. Please help me!! Do I go? Do I not go? Do I fire him and hire someone else? Between my feelings of wanting to be with someone else (again kind of out of boredom) the insane attraction to this gorgeous man (unmarried) and my own total lack of self control at this point in my life...I am a little nervous. Please do not judge me. I am putting myself out there beucuse I want genuine good advice.


You are an adult. Act like an adult. If you feel like you are unable to control yourself around this man, you should not be around this man. It sounds like you are having a midlife crisis of sorts. A therapist can help you sort this out, or you could just pull yourself together and not act on your sexual attraction to a stranger.

Also, "the Orient"? Really? It's 2013 and this is not a Victorian romance novel.


bwahaha, I was thinking the real thing. Me thinks OP is taking a stab at soft core novel writing. LOL


PP here. Doesn't seem like it's going very well. I see no vampires or BDSM anywhere in this story.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2013 16:16     Subject: This is a really tough situation
"Me thinks OP is taking a stab at soft core novel writing."

That's my vote, too.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2013 16:14     Subject: This is a really tough situation
You already know not to be alone for hours with this guy. Agree with the PPs who say you will be just one of many. Also agree with putting yourself in the shoes of giving advice to someone that asked what you think of this scenario.

Being bored with your husband for being the same person he's always been, well, that sounds like a "you" problem. Find a hobby, do something more with your time than thinking about how boring he is. Heck, I've got plenty to keep you busy over at my boring house!
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2013 16:08     Subject: Re:This is a really tough situation
Jeez, get a job.