Anonymous
08/12/2013 12:46
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Oh, H*ll no.
I'm not going to insist that my kids wait until they get married (it would be nice if they did that, but not my call) but NO WAY would I let my high school aged teen openly have sex in their room, in my house.
What about once they hit college? Could they bring their boyfriend home to stay in your house?
Not the PP, but N.O. I found it extremely odd and uncomfortable when my now-MIL assumed I'd be staying in the same room as my now-DH when he first brought me home to meet them. I literally had to tell him to tell HER ahead of time that I would not be staying in his same room. feel like the parents are trying too hard to be "cool" when they do stuff like this. Man up and be parents.
What about as an older adult? My DH and I had to sleep in separate rooms an my IL's house when we were engaged in our late 20's and living together here in DC. I thought that was pretty ridiculous. It was well, we have to model for the grandkids which was silly since they weren't there at bedtime to know. And it's not like we would have been giving the preschoolers a rundown of our sleeping arrangements.
Anonymous
08/12/2013 12:43
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Oh, H*ll no.
I'm not going to insist that my kids wait until they get married (it would be nice if they did that, but not my call) but NO WAY would I let my high school aged teen openly have sex in their room, in my house.
What about once they hit college? Could they bring their boyfriend home to stay in your house?
Not the PP, but N.O. I found it extremely odd and uncomfortable when my now-MIL assumed I'd be staying in the same room as my now-DH when he first brought me home to meet them. I literally had to tell him to tell HER ahead of time that I would not be staying in his same room. feel like the parents are trying too hard to be "cool" when they do stuff like this. Man up and be parents.
Anonymous
08/12/2013 12:41
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:Oh, H*ll no.
I'm not going to insist that my kids wait until they get married (it would be nice if they did that, but not my call) but NO WAY would I let my high school aged teen openly have sex in their room, in my house.
What about once they hit college? Could they bring their boyfriend home to stay in your house?
Anonymous
08/12/2013 12:40
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Oh, H*ll no.
I'm not going to insist that my kids wait until they get married (it would be nice if they did that, but not my call) but NO WAY would I let my high school aged teen openly have sex in their room, in my house.
I'm not going to insist that my kids wait until they get married (it would be nice if they did that, but not my call) but NO WAY would I let my high school aged teen openly have sex in their room, in my house.
Anonymous
08/12/2013 12:40
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:I just found out that my sister is allowing her 17.75 year old son and his 18 year old girlfriend (they just graduated high school) to have sleepovers at her house.
I think this is just asking for trouble. There are no boundaries. I think sex is an adult activity. I don't think there should be parental involvementn at all - meaning, wait until you have your own place! 17 is way too young. She will regret this when these teens get pregnant and their college plans are messed up.
Plus, I think all these sleepovers (the girlfriend - his first and someone he has only been dating a few months) is too much, too soon. These teens should be out and about dating and having fun, not holed up in a house boinking. It is like they are together 24/7 and a married couple already. Geez. I think it is a terrible idea all the way around.
OP here. To play devil's advocate, 18 is legally an adult. At 18, you can serve in the military and be held to adult standards in the legal system. Shouldn't you be allowed to decide to have sex, too, if you can be sent overseas to fight and perhaps die for your country?
Anonymous
08/12/2013 12:39
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't condone it at all and particularly not in my home. Why not? Because as a PP said, sex is an adult activity. The average teenager is not mature enough to handle the consequences. Perhaps they'll do it anyway and I will not know about it, but I'm not giving them my implicit permission to do so by letting them sleep over together.
+1
Anonymous
08/12/2013 12:39
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
NP here.
No. Opposite gender friends not allowed beyond the main floor (not allowed upstairs) in our home. Not appropriate.
No. Opposite gender friends not allowed beyond the main floor (not allowed upstairs) in our home. Not appropriate.
Anonymous
08/12/2013 12:38
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
I wouldn't condone it at all and particularly not in my home. Why not? Because as a PP said, sex is an adult activity. The average teenager is not mature enough to handle the consequences. Perhaps they'll do it anyway and I will not know about it, but I'm not giving them my implicit permission to do so by letting them sleep over together.
Anonymous
08/12/2013 12:38
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
So, I am curious to hear what parents of teenagers think, if anyone has approached this issue in the "Dutch" way, and what the consequences were/have been.
My parents approached the issue in the "Dutch" way, when their kids were in college. I don't know what they would have done in high school, because the subject didn't arise. What were the consequences? I don't suppose there were any consequences, other than that we didn't have to sneak around and deceive.
OP here - it's funny but I think I would be comfortable with the approach in college too. Not sure why. . .maybe it's because they'll be largely out of my home/supervision at that point and it seems like the natural point at which to trust them to make informed decisions.
Anonymous
08/12/2013 12:37
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No way.
How would you feel if you found out your teenager was having sex? Would you react angrily? Or would you try to win their trust so they would open up to you? I would want my child to feel comfortable discussing it with me so I can make sure they know facts, not whatever nonsense their sheltered or misinformed friends might say.
I hope I would feel disappointed but not terribly surprised (mine are not teenagers yet). I would have already told my DS and DD about the facts and what I would expect of them, and about STDs, pregnancy, and protection. But I would absolutely not condone sex between teenagers in my home.
I hear you. OP again. I think that is how my mom would have reacted. She would have been worried and asked me a million questions, but would not have gotten angry. Disappointed is exactly right. And I don't think she would ever have allowed sex in her home either. I actually think she was pretty progressive in her attitudes but as a mom, it was always wait wait wait. She drilled into her three daughters the dangers of getting pregnant, the impact that could have on our lives, our prospects for education, etc etc. She wasn't a fear-monger but she did let us know what the repercussions could be. Not sure I could condone sex in my house either. I guess no one here does either, since no one has piped up to advocate for the approach in the article.
Anonymous
08/12/2013 12:35
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No way.
How would you feel if you found out your teenager was having sex? Would you react angrily? Or would you try to win their trust so they would open up to you? I would want my child to feel comfortable discussing it with me so I can make sure they know facts, not whatever nonsense their sheltered or misinformed friends might say.
I hope I would feel disappointed but not terribly surprised (mine are not teenagers yet). I would have already told my DS and DD about the facts and what I would expect of them, and about STDs, pregnancy, and protection. But I would absolutely not condone sex between teenagers in my home.
Why? Would you condone it in the back seat of a car, or at a party, or ...? Or would your position be, "I don't know what you're doing elsewhere, but whatever you're doing, you're not doing it at home?"
Anonymous
08/12/2013 12:34
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
I just found out that my sister is allowing her 17.75 year old son and his 18 year old girlfriend (they just graduated high school) to have sleepovers at her house.
I think this is just asking for trouble. There are no boundaries. I think sex is an adult activity. I don't think there should be parental involvementn at all - meaning, wait until you have your own place! 17 is way too young. She will regret this when these teens get pregnant and their college plans are messed up.
Plus, I think all these sleepovers (the girlfriend - his first and someone he has only been dating a few months) is too much, too soon. These teens should be out and about dating and having fun, not holed up in a house boinking. It is like they are together 24/7 and a married couple already. Geez. I think it is a terrible idea all the way around.
I think this is just asking for trouble. There are no boundaries. I think sex is an adult activity. I don't think there should be parental involvementn at all - meaning, wait until you have your own place! 17 is way too young. She will regret this when these teens get pregnant and their college plans are messed up.
Plus, I think all these sleepovers (the girlfriend - his first and someone he has only been dating a few months) is too much, too soon. These teens should be out and about dating and having fun, not holed up in a house boinking. It is like they are together 24/7 and a married couple already. Geez. I think it is a terrible idea all the way around.
Anonymous
08/12/2013 12:34
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:
So, I am curious to hear what parents of teenagers think, if anyone has approached this issue in the "Dutch" way, and what the consequences were/have been.
My parents approached the issue in the "Dutch" way, when their kids were in college. I don't know what they would have done in high school, because the subject didn't arise. What were the consequences? I don't suppose there were any consequences, other than that we didn't have to sneak around and deceive.
Anonymous
08/12/2013 12:33
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No way.
How would you feel if you found out your teenager was having sex? Would you react angrily? Or would you try to win their trust so they would open up to you? I would want my child to feel comfortable discussing it with me so I can make sure they know facts, not whatever nonsense their sheltered or misinformed friends might say.
I hope I would feel disappointed but not terribly surprised (mine are not teenagers yet). I would have already told my DS and DD about the facts and what I would expect of them, and about STDs, pregnancy, and protection. But I would absolutely not condone sex between teenagers in my home.
Anonymous
08/12/2013 12:29
Subject: Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Well, considering that there will be no sex before marriage, I think this article is sort of moot.
Unless you're the one having (or not having) the sex before marriage, you can't actually say that. What you can say is, "Considering that I will not condone sex before marriage..."
Oh, bullshit. My kids know there's no sex before marriage.
Of course there's sex before marriage. People do it all the time. I assume you mean, "My kids know that I expect them not to have sex before marriage"? Or, "My kids know that I expect them not to have sex before marriage, and concur with this expectation"?