Anonymous
08/06/2013 20:47
Subject: So angry at BIL/SIL
PP here with the absentee sister and bedrest orders. You are totally right...I just didn't even have the energy to give her the earful she deserved. Other sisters have complained that she's dumped her kids on them, but this is the first time it happened to me. Lesson learned.
OP, how did your situation turn out?
OP, how did your situation turn out?
Anonymous
08/06/2013 19:46
Subject: So angry at BIL/SIL
Anonymous wrote:My sis just did the same and there definitely some things I will do differently.
I'm on modified bedrest due to a high risk pregnancy and several times during her week-long, out-of-state visit she left her 7 and 5 year old with me for long stretches at night. This was on top of me caring for my 2 year old.
Seriously. I was giving these kids dinner, entertaining, baths, bed, giving them breakfast, overseeing dressing. Where was their mom? Once she was shopping. Other times she was sleeping in with her baby. Another visiting sis called her out on this I was told.
I didn't go off (it was our 10 year anniversary weekend, the reason for the visit). And I noticed her late nights/late am starts extended to when she took our dd out with them.
Decided to make a mental note that we have different approaches to schedules.
Next time I'll be more clear in future about such things as asking "when do you plan on giving the kids meals/ baths so I don't mess up your routine."
This puts the relatives on notice that you are not doing these things without at least some kind of upfront conversation.
You're on bedrest and she did this? -Knowing the potential risk to your health and your child's health? I think you're being a little too understanding and tolerant in this case.
Anonymous
08/06/2013 17:46
Subject: So angry at BIL/SIL
Anonymous wrote:I'm just wondering what goes through people's minds when they do this. Are they honestly thinking, "So-and-so agreed to look after the kids" (could be an honest mishap) or thinking, "So-and-so won't mind" (and no one is ever a user in their own mind.)
I think it's just In-The-Moment selfishness. These types really don't give a sheet who they abuse as long as they get what they want. Sometimes it's all due to a misunderstanding but unfortunately many times it's probably due to an unhealthy level of Narcissism.
Anonymous
08/06/2013 17:37
Subject: So angry at BIL/SIL
I'm just wondering what goes through people's minds when they do this. Are they honestly thinking, "So-and-so agreed to look after the kids" (could be an honest mishap) or thinking, "So-and-so won't mind" (and no one is ever a user in their own mind.)
Anonymous
08/06/2013 15:19
Subject: So angry at BIL/SIL
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'd fed the kids a chili cheese dog (pork), a glass of milk, and lots of sugar. Not cool. At all. I'd return the favor tomorrow morning.
You sound like a despicable human being.
You sound like a reactionary twit. This hardly makes someone a despicable human being. It's the 3rd law of motion:for every action (force) there is an equal and opposite reaction (force).
Anonymous
08/06/2013 15:09
Subject: So angry at BIL/SIL
My sis just did the same and there definitely some things I will do differently.
I'm on modified bedrest due to a high risk pregnancy and several times during her week-long, out-of-state visit she left her 7 and 5 year old with me for long stretches at night. This was on top of me caring for my 2 year old.
Seriously. I was giving these kids dinner, entertaining, baths, bed, giving them breakfast, overseeing dressing. Where was their mom? Once she was shopping. Other times she was sleeping in with her baby. Another visiting sis called her out on this I was told.
I didn't go off (it was our 10 year anniversary weekend, the reason for the visit). And I noticed her late nights/late am starts extended to when she took our dd out with them.
Decided to make a mental note that we have different approaches to schedules.
Next time I'll be more clear in future about such things as asking "when do you plan on giving the kids meals/ baths so I don't mess up your routine."
This puts the relatives on notice that you are not doing these things without at least some kind of upfront conversation.
I'm on modified bedrest due to a high risk pregnancy and several times during her week-long, out-of-state visit she left her 7 and 5 year old with me for long stretches at night. This was on top of me caring for my 2 year old.
Seriously. I was giving these kids dinner, entertaining, baths, bed, giving them breakfast, overseeing dressing. Where was their mom? Once she was shopping. Other times she was sleeping in with her baby. Another visiting sis called her out on this I was told.
I didn't go off (it was our 10 year anniversary weekend, the reason for the visit). And I noticed her late nights/late am starts extended to when she took our dd out with them.
Decided to make a mental note that we have different approaches to schedules.
Next time I'll be more clear in future about such things as asking "when do you plan on giving the kids meals/ baths so I don't mess up your routine."
This puts the relatives on notice that you are not doing these things without at least some kind of upfront conversation.
Anonymous
08/06/2013 12:21
Subject: So angry at BIL/SIL
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I just came back from a week at my patents beach house with my 1 and 2 yo. Both of my sisters left their children (4 in total ages 7-10) for the week. One told me after my plans were made, the other made the decision the weekend I arrived.
It took me 3 weeks to get to the point that I could talk about it without being enraged. I will never 'vacation' at my parents house during the summer again.
Sorry to hear you had a similar experience.
Wow. I'm sorry. Did you wind up on kid duty the entire time - watching the older kids along with your own little ones?
Yes. Kid duty the whole week - and it rained. And, it is a 2 bedroom house so there were kids sleeping everywhere.
Ridiculous. I would be really hurt and upset if my sisters did something like that to me. Again, I'm really sorry.
Anonymous
08/06/2013 12:12
Subject: So angry at BIL/SIL
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I just came back from a week at my patents beach house with my 1 and 2 yo. Both of my sisters left their children (4 in total ages 7-10) for the week. One told me after my plans were made, the other made the decision the weekend I arrived.
It took me 3 weeks to get to the point that I could talk about it without being enraged. I will never 'vacation' at my parents house during the summer again.
Sorry to hear you had a similar experience.
Wow. I'm sorry
Yes. Kid duty the whole week - and it rained. And, it is a 2 bedroom house so there were kids sleeping everywhere.
Anonymous
08/06/2013 11:55
Subject: So angry at BIL/SIL
Anonymous wrote:I just came back from a week at my patents beach house with my 1 and 2 yo. Both of my sisters left their children (4 in total ages 7-10) for the week. One told me after my plans were made, the other made the decision the weekend I arrived.
It took me 3 weeks to get to the point that I could talk about it without being enraged. I will never 'vacation' at my parents house during the summer again.
Sorry to hear you had a similar experience.
Wow. I'm sorry
. Did you wind up on kid duty the entire time - watching the older kids along with your own little ones?
Anonymous
08/06/2013 11:50
Subject: So angry at BIL/SIL
I just came back from a week at my patents beach house with my 1 and 2 yo. Both of my sisters left their children (4 in total ages 7-10) for the week. One told me after my plans were made, the other made the decision the weekend I arrived.
It took me 3 weeks to get to the point that I could talk about it without being enraged. I will never 'vacation' at my parents house during the summer again.
Sorry to hear you had a similar experience.
It took me 3 weeks to get to the point that I could talk about it without being enraged. I will never 'vacation' at my parents house during the summer again.
Sorry to hear you had a similar experience.
Anonymous
08/06/2013 11:42
Subject: So angry at BIL/SIL
The ONLY excuse I can see for these parents is if the grandparents agreed to watch the kids for them and then the grandparents made themselves unavailable in some way and shoved the responsibility of the kids off onto the OP
Anonymous
08/06/2013 09:27
Subject: So angry at BIL/SIL
The OP was under no obligation to call these people, track them down and find out where they were, when they would be back. OP is under no obligation to sort things out with these people, either. She has a right to be mad, though. I know I would be.
Anonymous
08/06/2013 09:20
Subject: So angry at BIL/SIL
No, the PP said, "how you are feeling is entirely on you" which is exactly right.
Why would you let them off the hook like that? I really hope you sat them down and let them know how rude that was...better to say something after the fact than not say anything at all.
Why would you let them off the hook like that? I really hope you sat them down and let them know how rude that was...better to say something after the fact than not say anything at all.
Anonymous
08/06/2013 09:12
Subject: So angry at BIL/SIL
Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you call them? Or, if you did, say something when they walked in the door- oh my gosh I tried calling you and was worried. Or did it really take three hours for them to run errands? Sometimes it can take that long if you are somewhere remote and need to go to grocery store, target, etc.
If you didn't call them or don't say anything then how you are feeling is entirely all on you.
Wrong. It was up to the *parents* of these kids to arrange for OP to sit for them and to leave instructions for their care. You just don't ditch little kids like that and disappear. No way is this the OP's fault - not even a little bit. Nice try though.
Anonymous
08/06/2013 08:47
Subject: So angry at BIL/SIL
Why didn't you call them? Or, if you did, say something when they walked in the door- oh my gosh I tried calling you and was worried. Or did it really take three hours for them to run errands? Sometimes it can take that long if you are somewhere remote and need to go to grocery store, target, etc.
If you didn't call them or don't say anything then how you are feeling is entirely all on you.
If you didn't call them or don't say anything then how you are feeling is entirely all on you.