Anonymous
07/29/2013 22:43
Subject: How Do You Think I Am Doing -- What Should I Do Differently?
Take some $$ and pay for a consultation with a lawyer. Some will even consult for free. It's worth knowing your options than being miserable without knowing.
Anonymous
07/29/2013 22:43
Subject: Re:How Do You Think I Am Doing -- What Should I Do Differently?
Also -- is it legal to put cash in a safe deposit box? I heard it was not.
As for the shoe box, I have thought of it, or something similar, but then I also think of fire, or it being discovered. If I chose this option, I would hide it at work, I think.
I really appreciate everyone trying to help. Right now I'm going to do what is best for my kids. But someday they will not need me as much --financially or emotionally. I may decide to leave this world, with a will leaving all my assets to my kids. That would keep them for quite some time. And I won't have to worry about retirement, or being taken to the cleaners.
As for the shoe box, I have thought of it, or something similar, but then I also think of fire, or it being discovered. If I chose this option, I would hide it at work, I think.
I really appreciate everyone trying to help. Right now I'm going to do what is best for my kids. But someday they will not need me as much --financially or emotionally. I may decide to leave this world, with a will leaving all my assets to my kids. That would keep them for quite some time. And I won't have to worry about retirement, or being taken to the cleaners.
Anonymous
07/29/2013 22:30
Subject: Re:How Do You Think I Am Doing -- What Should I Do Differently?
I'm sorry that happened to you.
Isn't VA an equitable distribution state? Why is it that equitable is thought of to mean " equal"? Equitable means what is fair under the circumstances.
Is remaining voluntarily (way) underemployed after the kids are in school full time fair? Is it equitable? When I come home to dishes in the sink, etc?
I could go on, but I think I already sound bitter enough. I made my bed. Now I get to sleep in it.
Isn't VA an equitable distribution state? Why is it that equitable is thought of to mean " equal"? Equitable means what is fair under the circumstances.
Is remaining voluntarily (way) underemployed after the kids are in school full time fair? Is it equitable? When I come home to dishes in the sink, etc?
I could go on, but I think I already sound bitter enough. I made my bed. Now I get to sleep in it.
Anonymous
07/29/2013 22:18
Subject: How Do You Think I Am Doing -- What Should I Do Differently?
Is your husband not working? Why? I would think if he isn't and doesn't have a good reason why (like an illness), that would hopefully count for something in a divorce. Kids are 5 & 7 so he doesn't necessarily need to be home with them.
I would would normally say put all your energy and money into your marriage (e.g., counseling) because divorce is expensive. However, I am wondering if that's the right thing here... would probably need to know more about the situation. If you think divorce is a good possibility, I would consult with a divorce lawyer to discuss financial preparations long before you decide to pull the trigger.
I would would normally say put all your energy and money into your marriage (e.g., counseling) because divorce is expensive. However, I am wondering if that's the right thing here... would probably need to know more about the situation. If you think divorce is a good possibility, I would consult with a divorce lawyer to discuss financial preparations long before you decide to pull the trigger.
Anonymous
07/29/2013 21:28
Subject: How Do You Think I Am Doing -- What Should I Do Differently?
Unless you are miserable, divorce is costly. VA is 50/50 on all assets and debt obtained during your marriage. If your spouse contests, your $$ will be going to lawyers.
My advice is to start skimming cash and saving it somewhere else (safe deposit box or in a shoe box- lol). That's probably the only way your spouse won't get half. I got divorced (not my choice) and also did the finances (and the breadwinner). Hindsight, I wish I had my secret stash instead of giving half in settlement. Still annoys me!! Now I know better.
My advice is to start skimming cash and saving it somewhere else (safe deposit box or in a shoe box- lol). That's probably the only way your spouse won't get half. I got divorced (not my choice) and also did the finances (and the breadwinner). Hindsight, I wish I had my secret stash instead of giving half in settlement. Still annoys me!! Now I know better.
Anonymous
07/29/2013 20:41
Subject: How Do You Think I Am Doing -- What Should I Do Differently?
Well, you have a job, so if you get divorced you will probably be better off financially than your spouse. But it's a financial hit overall in the short term. With child support and alimony you won't have the same std of living, you'll likely have to re-figure out living situations, and your housing cost may be even higher than now depending on when you bought your house. You don't know what will happen to in the future - remarriage and the financial implications of that. Sounds like you need to figure out how much alimony and child support will likely be. That's another question for this board.
Anonymous
07/29/2013 17:41
Subject: Re:How Do You Think I Am Doing -- What Should I Do Differently?
I've heard of cases where, if the breadwinner can also show that they did half of the housework and child care, they get more of the assets.
What do you think?
Sometimes I just feel like telling my spouse to shove it. Yeah, my spouse may end up with half of everything. But that will be an equitable factor in determining how much alimony I have to pay. Not to mention the fact that I will be paying child support and there's only so much alimony someone at my income level is expected to pay. I wonder how much my spouse will enjoy paying for health insurance?
So easy to think that I am the powerless one, here. I'm the one with the job.
But again, getting all worked up will not help the marriage. Financially, I need to keep this together for my kids.
Has anyone ever wished for a do-over?
What do you think?
Sometimes I just feel like telling my spouse to shove it. Yeah, my spouse may end up with half of everything. But that will be an equitable factor in determining how much alimony I have to pay. Not to mention the fact that I will be paying child support and there's only so much alimony someone at my income level is expected to pay. I wonder how much my spouse will enjoy paying for health insurance?
So easy to think that I am the powerless one, here. I'm the one with the job.
But again, getting all worked up will not help the marriage. Financially, I need to keep this together for my kids.
Has anyone ever wished for a do-over?
Anonymous
07/29/2013 16:26
Subject: How Do You Think I Am Doing -- What Should I Do Differently?
Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how the emergency fund isn't joint, if you are funding it from current income.
I'd do a divorce budget (lawyer costs, etc.) and a post-divorce living budget. I'd assume all assets get cut in half. For reasons cited above, I wouldn't count on that emergency fund.
Even if you stay married, assuming that you will want to live on 70 percent of your current HHI ($112,000), you will need about $2.8 million in savings. You can get there if you save $15,000 a year through age 65, and earn a 9 percent return on your investments. You can reduce the $2.8 million figure if you 1. have a pension, 2. count on social security, 3. can live on less. You can also save more.
I'd say the best financial investment you can make is to keep your marriage together. And start maxing out all of your retirement options. You say that your annual expenses are about $90k, but HHI is $160 - where does the rest go?
I am planning to work much longer than 65. I will get a pension, and I do expect SS to still be around.
Anonymous
07/29/2013 16:25
Subject: Re:How Do You Think I Am Doing -- What Should I Do Differently?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, I know I will.
I make 90% of the income. What else can I do?
Divorce does not seem financially feasible. Plus, the SAH has the edge in any custody battle. That would be great. Lose my money and my kids.
Once the kids are gone, with a good lawyer I may be able to argue that equitable does not mean equal in this case. But I know I will take a hit.
It's like I'm in this dark tunnel, and I can't see even a glimpse of light.
It looks like you are the bread winner, but married to the loser. It looks like you have saved a lot with your income.
Thanks. I live in VA. Does that make a difference?
Anonymous
07/29/2013 16:15
Subject: How Do You Think I Am Doing -- What Should I Do Differently?
I am revising my "best financial investment" advice
to get divorced and marry a billionaire with no pre-nup.
to get divorced and marry a billionaire with no pre-nup.
Anonymous
07/29/2013 16:02
Subject: How Do You Think I Am Doing -- What Should I Do Differently?
I don't understand how the emergency fund isn't joint, if you are funding it from current income.
I'd do a divorce budget (lawyer costs, etc.) and a post-divorce living budget. I'd assume all assets get cut in half. For reasons cited above, I wouldn't count on that emergency fund.
Even if you stay married, assuming that you will want to live on 70 percent of your current HHI ($112,000), you will need about $2.8 million in savings. You can get there if you save $15,000 a year through age 65, and earn a 9 percent return on your investments. You can reduce the $2.8 million figure if you 1. have a pension, 2. count on social security, 3. can live on less. You can also save more.
I'd say the best financial investment you can make is to keep your marriage together. And start maxing out all of your retirement options. You say that your annual expenses are about $90k, but HHI is $160 - where does the rest go?
I'd do a divorce budget (lawyer costs, etc.) and a post-divorce living budget. I'd assume all assets get cut in half. For reasons cited above, I wouldn't count on that emergency fund.
Even if you stay married, assuming that you will want to live on 70 percent of your current HHI ($112,000), you will need about $2.8 million in savings. You can get there if you save $15,000 a year through age 65, and earn a 9 percent return on your investments. You can reduce the $2.8 million figure if you 1. have a pension, 2. count on social security, 3. can live on less. You can also save more.
I'd say the best financial investment you can make is to keep your marriage together. And start maxing out all of your retirement options. You say that your annual expenses are about $90k, but HHI is $160 - where does the rest go?
Anonymous
07/29/2013 15:29
Subject: Re:How Do You Think I Am Doing -- What Should I Do Differently?
Anonymous wrote:Yes, I know I will.
I make 90% of the income. What else can I do?
Divorce does not seem financially feasible. Plus, the SAH has the edge in any custody battle. That would be great. Lose my money and my kids.
Once the kids are gone, with a good lawyer I may be able to argue that equitable does not mean equal in this case. But I know I will take a hit.
It's like I'm in this dark tunnel, and I can't see even a glimpse of light.
It looks like you are the bread winner, but married to the loser. It looks like you have saved a lot with your income.
Anonymous
07/29/2013 15:24
Subject: Re:How Do You Think I Am Doing -- What Should I Do Differently?
Anonymous wrote:Yes, I know I will.
I make 90% of the income. What else can I do?
Divorce does not seem financially feasible. Plus, the SAH has the edge in any custody battle. That would be great. Lose my money and my kids.
Once the kids are gone, with a good lawyer I may be able to argue that equitable does not mean equal in this case. But I know I will take a hit.
It's like I'm in this dark tunnel, and I can't see even a glimpse of light.
Could you convince him to sign a postnup?
Anonymous
07/29/2013 13:13
Subject: How Do You Think I Am Doing -- What Should I Do Differently?
Anonymous wrote:9:47 here. To clairify what I said, if you contribute to your 401K up to the match, your next step should be the Roth IRA. (I said contribute to your 401k to the max, I meant match)
Yes, this is consistent with most of the advice I read. So that's what I did. Thank you.
Anonymous
07/29/2013 13:13
Subject: Re:How Do You Think I Am Doing -- What Should I Do Differently?
Yes, I know I will.
I make 90% of the income. What else can I do?
Divorce does not seem financially feasible. Plus, the SAH has the edge in any custody battle. That would be great. Lose my money and my kids.
Once the kids are gone, with a good lawyer I may be able to argue that equitable does not mean equal in this case. But I know I will take a hit.
It's like I'm in this dark tunnel, and I can't see even a glimpse of light.
I make 90% of the income. What else can I do?
Divorce does not seem financially feasible. Plus, the SAH has the edge in any custody battle. That would be great. Lose my money and my kids.
Once the kids are gone, with a good lawyer I may be able to argue that equitable does not mean equal in this case. But I know I will take a hit.
It's like I'm in this dark tunnel, and I can't see even a glimpse of light.