Anonymous wrote:OP---we sold our house in the spring and didn't find one by the time we closed (with an extended rent back). Now, we are renting to give ourselves the time we need to find the right house. Just registered my son for K and signed up for after care. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Some people would argue that two moves is less than ideal and, while I agree, this is what ended up working for us. You will have options.

Moving 2 x is far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on something you end up hating and regretting.

and when the kitchen is what he claims to want there will be something else ...

the kitchen is just a nice convenient excuse.

Anonymous wrote:I hear you. On the one hand my DH's pickiness was annoying, on the other hand it avoided us buying a few places that just weren't right.

Don't get so frustrated on your criteria that you compromise on location - that is a good one to hold the line on.

Also, sometimes I've found the picky spouse has to experience being outbid a few times before they see the light. This may be a painful, but necessary part of the process. Hang in there!

this exactly. is it a common thread for DHs to feel they should be getting more for their money? and ignoring the fact that houses are actually selling?? we put in a few low ball offers and eventually learned.

OMG I love this thread! Thought I was the only one with these same experiences! We just bought/sold and it's been an adventure. It seems to work out in the end. Hang in there!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, could you talk to a contractor about what it would cost to put in more counter space immediately? Sure, a kitchen renovation may not be ideal right now, but it might not cost much. (Hell, if there's room for a free-standing island, those are not terribly expensive.)

Are you sure that's the real issue? Sounds like a petty thing to be picking over. Is he the person who cooks more?

I don't cook but I do LOVE the FOUR walk in closets in the master bedroom. He has fear of committment. I just see so much potential in this place and the bathrooms are all good. It would only need updated vanities for the bathrooms but it's huge. The kitchen is updated, he's just picky. I will take him to more houses. Maybe he will realize that he's not going to find a chef's kitchen on a chef boyardee budget.

Love this! Thanks for the laugh. Hope he comes back to reality soon, for your sake.

Anonymous wrote:It really sounds like you and DH are not enough on the same page to put an offer on a house. I think you need to take a step back, hire a babysitter, go out somewhere, and have a relaxed conversation or two about what it is you really want.

It sounds like your DH is stuck on something...not sure what that is...but something that is preventing him from thinking rationally (I say expecting your spouse to have a commute that long isn't thinking rationally). Do some things like writing down your top 3-5 wants in your new home and your 3-5 dealbreakers, and then talk about them.

Or another way to approach it: If you're confident of your budget and basic criteria like # BR/BA, put those into redfin for the whole DC metro area and see where clusters of those houses come up. Talk about those areas. Prioritize them based on those wants and dealbreakers you discussed. You're more likely to get a house there if your price range is common, not rare.

It took us several months to figure out our target area, price, and set of features we really wanted--and then to hone down schools, etc, in the area we chose. Once we got to the process of bidding, though, we were very much on the same page. Not that it wasn't stressful or that we didn't argue occasionally, but we agreed on geography and must-haves.

We have our specific zipcode identified and I've spent an entire year researching all of the nearby schools. He's expecting more for his money which ain't happening in this market.

Anonymous wrote:OP, could you talk to a contractor about what it would cost to put in more counter space immediately? Sure, a kitchen renovation may not be ideal right now, but it might not cost much. (Hell, if there's room for a free-standing island, those are not terribly expensive.)

Are you sure that's the real issue? Sounds like a petty thing to be picking over. Is he the person who cooks more?

I don't cook but I do LOVE the FOUR walk in closets in the master bedroom. He has fear of committment. I just see so much potential in this place and the bathrooms are all good. It would only need updated vanities for the bathrooms but it's huge. The kitchen is updated, he's just picky. I will take him to more houses. Maybe he will realize that he's not going to find a chef's kitchen on a chef boyardee budget.

It really sounds like you and DH are not enough on the same page to put an offer on a house. I think you need to take a step back, hire a babysitter, go out somewhere, and have a relaxed conversation or two about what it is you really want.

It sounds like your DH is stuck on something...not sure what that is...but something that is preventing him from thinking rationally (I say expecting your spouse to have a commute that long isn't thinking rationally). Do some things like writing down your top 3-5 wants in your new home and your 3-5 dealbreakers, and then talk about them.

Or another way to approach it: If you're confident of your budget and basic criteria like # BR/BA, put those into redfin for the whole DC metro area and see where clusters of those houses come up. Talk about those areas. Prioritize them based on those wants and dealbreakers you discussed. You're more likely to get a house there if your price range is common, not rare.

It took us several months to figure out our target area, price, and set of features we really wanted--and then to hone down schools, etc, in the area we chose. Once we got to the process of bidding, though, we were very much on the same page. Not that it wasn't stressful or that we didn't argue occasionally, but we agreed on geography and must-haves.

OP, could you talk to a contractor about what it would cost to put in more counter space immediately? Sure, a kitchen renovation may not be ideal right now, but it might not cost much. (Hell, if there's room for a free-standing island, those are not terribly expensive.)

Are you sure that's the real issue? Sounds like a petty thing to be picking over. Is he the person who cooks more?

OP here again. I'm totally doom and gloom and admit that, but we aren't looking at dumps. The house I like is 3000sq ft with a ton of room and the only issue is that he feels there's not enough counter space in the kitchen. The room itself is big so we could easily extend the counters in a few years. The house is a steal. Like I said, I'm flexible. I am planning to telecommute one day a week after we move. I told him that we could move further out if he would be willing to telecommute one day a week as well. In that scenario, I'd only be stressed over picking up the kids 3 days a week. He won't telecommute. I'm not confident that we will ever agree on anything if I'm the one doing all of the compromising. He is normally very easy going but scared of big changes so I think he's holding out for something that is unlikely to ever surface. He's looking at polished houses at the top of our budget which doesn't leave us with a lot of room if it came to multiple offers.

We do have a year but we are competing with desperate people now that are aggressively bidding and waiving contingencies so our timeframe doesn't matter. The longer we wait, the worse it will be because we will become desperate if we wait until next Spring.

I'd prefer to have a year to settle into a neighborhood before my kids start school. I don't want to be rushed into finding mediocre childcare and I will be the one doing all of that, not him.

Higher rated schools with better test scores mean smarter , neuter neighborhood

OP, we went through this process over this past spring and it was really stressful. Now that it's over (we moved in last month) I feel like DH and I are getting along so much better.

Things that helped us: having an agent who was a very calming presence for me and our kids (DH, I don't know). Seriously, I would feel stressed out or frustrated with DH and then would talk to her and feel better. She remained upbeat and optimistic. We also sat down at the very start of the process and made a list of must-haves, nice-to-haves, and dealbreakers.

We were very flexible on schools. One thing we did when considering an area was spend some time researching the school ourselves--I would suggest touring a school if possible, talking to PTA parents, etc. This really helped both of us to feel more comfortable with areas that some DCUM-ers avoid.

During our search my DH was emphatic that we should look in a totally different area, which neither of us is familiar with at all, and which would make my commute a nightmare. I was SO resistant, for weeks and weeks, and it was a running argument. I finally agreed that we could at least check it out and tour some of the homes he had been looking at online. In the end this was a nonissue because we found a house in the location we both wanted--but I think my agreeing to go along with him and have even a slightly open mind went a long way in terms of goodwill.

Hang in there--it won't last forever!

OP you sound a little bit doom and gloom about the process, and perhaps that is bugging your DH. You have a full year to figure this out. If you bid on a few places and lose, so what. Most of us do in this area these days. Your DH will likely respond to that more than merely your dire predictions about how you're never going to get this or that house.
And who knows, you may be surprised.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never compromise on location and schools, work your way after that.

+1

Long commute will DRAIN your soul.

Not if it is worth it to you.

Living in a horrid, segregated city full of snobs or its crappy inner suburbs full of little shacks would depress some people more.

Yeah, it was pretty soul-draining to deal with 15-to-a-house neighbors, immediate neighbors that bummed us up for money, drug dealers, and extended families that wanted nothing at all to do with us. The 5 minute commute just meant I spent more time in that shitty neighborhood. The house I think I could've lived with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never compromise on location and schools, work your way after that.

+1

Long commute will DRAIN your soul.

Not if it is worth it to you.

Living in a horrid, segregated city full of snobs or its crappy inner suburbs full of little shacks would depress some people more.