Ok, all these people talking about my parents or my in laws are giving a lot of money, how much money are we talking about?

Folks who wonder why OP is concerned are either fooling themselves or were lucky enough to grow up in families that did not have craziness about money, which in my experience is rare. My wife's parents are sane, her sibs are nuts where money is concerned. My family is the reverse --- parents are crazy (terrible choices, lots of guilt and secrets), sibs are laid back and sane (although very different in approach than me).

However - no one in my family would treat us differently if they found out about some family money on DW's side, my parents would just try to gossip about it and my sibs would refuse. I would not love the idea, but it would not be a big deal.

I do think (hope) that most folks would not read someone else's bank/brokerage statement.

My parents know a little about our finances, and my husband's parents know almost nothing. The reason my parents know is because they are very good with money, and I often ask them advice on money management. My husband's parents, on the other hand, are terrible with money, and we don't tell them anything about our finances.

I'm wondering how you think they will treat you differently. I think you're making a bigger deal out of this than it actually is.

Nothing

Ballpark, how much was on the trust statement?

Op, just curious. What is a managed trust and how does it work?

Still not understanding why an inheritance would cause your ILs to "treat you differently"?

Are you saying they'll expect you pay for more things? Or they'll stop paying for everything?

Really don't get it.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not the person who left the statement out, but I think she is worried that the in-laws will now treat her differently, and make broad assumptions about her based on this new info. She is right to be a little concerned.

+1000

I understand. You must feel annoyed that u left the statement out but they probably didn't read it. Is it a really large amount shown at the bottom which was likely to catch their attention? How much is the trust for? Does it state $1,000,000 or something big like that ? Otherwise they might have thought it was a loan statement.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not the person who left the statement out, but I think she is worried that the in-laws will now treat her differently, and make broad assumptions about her based on this new info. She is right to be a little concerned.

OP left the statement herself and she was upset. Upset at whom? Her self or the in-law? Why the OP thinks her in-law will treat her differently?

I'm not the person who left the statement out, but I think she is worried that the in-laws will now treat her differently, and make broad assumptions about her based on this new info. She is right to be a little concerned.

Anonymous wrote:We don't talk a lot about this and I wonder what they suspect or know. My husband took out loans for grad school and we own a house. My in laws know that. What they don't know is that I inherited a considerable amount and we have completely paid off all loans. In addition we have the rest in a managed trust. I have never explained any of this to my in laws and neither has my husband. Today we were all meeting at our house before going out to dinner. In laws arrived first and when I walked in I saw that our most recent trust statement was sitting in full view on the coffee table. They weren't snooping, that's where I left it. I am really upset that they know my secret now. My husband thinks I am ridiculous. I worry they will look at me differently now. I don't touch this money at. All. We treat it like a life insurance policy and we live off our income from salaries. Would you be upset? I don't even know why this bothers me. We have a great relationship and I don't want things to change.

You are lucky to have inherited this money. What are you upset about? I wish I had this problem.

Unless your in-laws attempt to give you money thinking that you need it, there is no reason to discuss the issue with them. If they bring it up, you can mention something if you want, but I would not bring it up on your own. In our situation, my in-laws think we're made of money based on our career choices, and the reality is that because of our choices on how we spend money (private school), we don't have much extra. This is a source of frustration at times, for example, when there is a family vacation and we tell them "not this year" or other times when they seem to assume that we will pick up the tab at a restaurant for the entire family, but there is no need to lay our finances out on the table.

In-laws should assume that the other set of in-laws might treat the kids differently with regard to money. While my parents don't hand out money to us, they would never think of letting us pay for dinner, golf, or other family outting. (We don't vacation together, so not sure how the big stuff would work out.) In contrast, now that my in-laws are retired, they expect that we will pay for everything. And before they retired, the small stuff (and the big stuff) always was split down the middle.

OP you remind me of the spouse who FORGOT to clean up the porn history on the browser, or left the hot note from Outside Interest where mate could find it.

The IL's saw it! The Horror!

You're very lucky to have a wise and tolerant husband.