Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like a complete loser. You married a loser who doesn't work, spends a lot of money, and has no education and you are just now worried about this? Just hope he dies first.

+1,000

+1001

OP, I think you've received some excellent advice -- certainly a visit to an attorney is in order to draft a will and set up a trust.

One more thing, though -- I think you should consider taking away joint credit cards and limiting your husband to a cash "allowance" to try to force him to budget for things. I would have no problem recommending a husband do this with a wife if she were the unemployed irresponsible one. I think it's prudent not to allow one person to undermine the financial security of a whole family. Once he can be a responsible adult with his money, he can get the credit cards back.

It sounds like your husband is careless with money because he did not earn it. He is careless because it is yours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like a complete loser. You married a loser who doesn't work, spends a lot of money, and has no education and you are just now worried about this? Just hope he dies first.

+1,000

+100000000.

[quote=Anonymous]My DH is just really not skilled at managing money. He grew up poor while I grew up middle class and by the time that we married in our early 30s, he was just scraping by while I had built up a nest egg of about $100K. We have been married for 10 years and during this time, I have pretty much been the sole breadwinner and manage our investments (retirement, savings, education, etc...). I make about $130K, so we are okay financially, but DH's approach to money really has me worried. Because we have money in the bank, he doesn't ever think about how much something costs or seem to be able to put costs into context. He doesn't look at price tags in stores. Racks up $100s in phone bills every month (calling friends and family who live overseas). Buys a new laptop and a new phone at least once a year. And then the recent kicker: Decided to take a $7K trip to visit family without even considering that we should maybe think about whether we can afford it. To be fair, I should say that overall, it is not that the amount of money that he spends is outrageous, as he has pretty limited interests, it is more the fact that he just doesn't bother to consider what anything costs. And he doesn't worry about saving or planning for the future.

So this is frustrating for me day-to-day (I am a pretty conservative spender), but my real concern is what would happen if I died. My DH does not work right now and his job prospects are pretty limited (he doesn't have a college degree). I have a reasonable amount of life insurance and a healthy 401K, but I really don't know what he would do if he suddenly had all of this cash at hand. That money, along with our assets (cash and otherwise), would need to get the kids through college and my DH for the rest of his life. He would need to be really conservative and I just don't see that happening. For example, it wouldn't surprise me if he decided to buy a new house or an expensive car, just because he had the money.

So what do I do? I feel like I need to set up a will that leaves a substantial amount of assets to a trust for my children, to be managed by somebody else, but that seems like a terrible thing to even consider.

[/quote]


Sounds like a pour over trust is in order. Consult an attorney ASAP! Consider the trustee very, very carefully.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is just really not skilled at managing money. He grew up poor while I grew up middle class and by the time that we married in our early 30s, he was just scraping by while I had built up a nest egg of about $100K. We have been married for 10 years and during this time, I have pretty much been the sole breadwinner and manage our investments (retirement, savings, education, etc...). I make about $130K, so we are okay financially, but DH's approach to money really has me worried. Because we have money in the bank, he doesn't ever think about how much something costs or seem to be able to put costs into context. He doesn't look at price tags in stores. Racks up $100s in phone bills every month (calling friends and family who live overseas). Buys a new laptop and a new phone at least once a year. And then the recent kicker: Decided to take a $7K trip to visit family without even considering that we should maybe think about whether we can afford it. To be fair, I should say that overall, it is not that the amount of money that he spends is outrageous, as he has pretty limited interests, it is more the fact that he just doesn't bother to consider what anything costs. And he doesn't worry about saving or planning for the future.

So this is frustrating for me day-to-day (I am a pretty conservative spender), but my real concern is what would happen if I died. My DH does not work right now and his job prospects are pretty limited (he doesn't have a college degree). I have a reasonable amount of life insurance and a healthy 401K, but I really don't know what he would do if he suddenly had all of this cash at hand. That money, along with our assets (cash and otherwise), would need to get the kids through college and my DH for the rest of his life. He would need to be really conservative and I just don't see that happening. For example, it wouldn't surprise me if he decided to buy a new house or an expensive car, just because he had the money.

So what do I do? I feel like I need to set up a will that leaves a substantial amount of assets to a trust for my children, to be managed by somebody else, but that seems like a terrible thing to even consider.

Why on earth would you think you have to provide for your DH for the rest of his life if you were to die young????

OP here. Is that really so unusual? That I would want DH to be financially secure if I were to die young? I would want this for him, as well as for my children when they are adults. I have friends who have parents or in-laws that have serious financial struggles and that is a tough situation.

I get it, you are doing it for the kids. To protect them and provide for them, and also to alleviate it the burden of taking care of their dad themselves. Just go set everything up so that it would be a trust or pay out monthly, etc. Or have someone else be the executor/trustee to oversee the money. GL!

Since your primary concern is a premature death, I suggest you work with an attorney to draft up a will. You should also get insurance, as PP indicated, and name the trust as the beneficiary of the policy.

Anonymous wrote:Why does every woman here seem to have immature, dumb, lazy, uncaring. mean, good for nothing, neanderthal husbands ?

Just curious.

Because they think it is a virtue to lack judgment and scoff at making careful evaluations of potential marriage partners.

Is your DH a SAHD?

I don't know if you need a financial planner or just a wills and estates lawyer to set up your will and trusts and such.

Ignore the people who are insulting your husband. It does seem like an unusual situation gender-wise, but your post doesn't sound like you are unhappy with your marriage, just that you know he is bad with money and have this concern about what happens if you die.

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like a complete loser. You married a loser who doesn't work, spends a lot of money, and has no education and you are just now worried about this? Just hope he dies first.

+1,000

A financial planner isn't going to be able to help with how you and your husband manage money, but you can see them on an ad hoc basis to make a plan and discuss your specific questions. They will send you to a lawyer to draw up a trust.

You need a marriage therapist, or you need your husband to commit to attending the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class with you to get you both on the same page. But the more I think about what you say, he almost sounds like he isn't an adult, but is more like a child. Is he responsible in other ways, able to plan ahead, careful when required? Sounds like there's a more basic question here - is he even capable to manage money? Looks like not. In that case, I would forget the therapy and the class and just put him on an allowance. Give him his own account and he gets x per month and that's it. Would he agree to that?

Yes, it is unusual in that you would think he could get a job. But I guess not in his case.