1. Forgive yourself- it's never to late to make a permanent change. I just stopped biting my nails for good- a 30+ yr habit.

2. Buy South Beach Diet Super-Charged, read it, then commit to it. Set a date. By that date, clear out all of the food in the house that doesn't conform (and by clear out, we ate ours- and just told ourselves that after X date, it was to be gone.) Plan your meals according to the book and shop accordingly.

3. Be amazed by a) the weight-loss and b) how great you feel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:good advice so far. I would add a mental component. You won't get it right and do all the things you're supposed to do every day. Nobody EVER does. You must forgive yourself for that and not use it as a reason to despair and give up the whole approach. You are trying to change a lot of life habits at once and changing habits is hard enough without beating yourself up over whether you're succeeding.

Yes, in my experience I usually blow it if I try to make a huge change all at once. I do better with small incremental changes and trying to keep on track over the long haul without beating myself up.

+1 for this.


Don't beat yourself up if you have a dessert or event a binge every once in a while - it happens, and then you move on. (in fact, I usually have dessert every day because I'm a total sweet tooth but the rest of my meals are quite healthy).

Also, as someone who's lost 30 pounds and kept it off for many years, I'd just like to add that doing things you like helps. So find an exercise that you like, not one you think you should be doing or burns the most calories. Weight training is really important too and helps takes off pounds. And same for healthy food - what are the fruits/veggies/whole grain items you like? Try to get those and eat them as snacks. If you're new to things like whole grains, sometimes it takes getting used to, so instead of doing white pasta with spaghetti sauce, do a mix of white and whole grain pasta with spaghetti sauce and veggies you love.

You must have a friend or family member that likes to cook. I'm sure he or she would love to help you learn to cook and there's always cooking shows so you can see how people do things. And you can also just try it - search some easy recipes to try first rather than ones with tons of ingredients. You may make mistakes and have to throw away a dish or two, but so do experienced chefs!

Best of luck.

Anonymous wrote:good advice so far. I would add a mental component. You won't get it right and do all the things you're supposed to do every day. Nobody EVER does. You must forgive yourself for that and not use it as a reason to despair and give up the whole approach. You are trying to change a lot of life habits at once and changing habits is hard enough without beating yourself up over whether you're succeeding.

Yes, in my experience I usually blow it if I try to make a huge change all at once. I do better with small incremental changes and trying to keep on track over the long haul without beating myself up.

I agree with the pp who suggest making 1 change every few weeks. Making several big diet changes all at once can lead to more stress, especially if you slip up.
I would start with switching soda for water. My DH is a soda addict (we never have it in the house for this reason!), but finds plain seltzer to be a great alternative. We have a soda stream machine and it gets used every day. They also have small bottles so you can bring them with you to work or when you're out running errands.
Find fruits and vegetables that you do like and increase the number of servings you eat during the day. I love roasted vegetables (onions, peppers, all kinds of squash, eggplant) with a little bit of olive oil, pepper, a little salt, and maybe some dill or thyme. I make a big tray of them and will eat them as a snack or a side with dinner.
Having protein with every meal will help keep you full longer. Roasted chickpeas are also an easy, high protein snack to make.
I make a tortilla soup that is full of black beans, peppers, and corn, that is extremely filling, tasty, and easy to make. (I don't actually add tortillas to it, although I might dip a plain corn tortilla in it). I can post the recipe later if you're interested.
The hardest part in the beginning (I lost 60 lbs several years ago) is learning to say "no" to certain foods and how to politely decline foods at events. Also, realize that slip-ups do happen, but that they don't have to derail you from your goal. Learn from it so that it doesn't happen the next time your faced with the same situation. Always hungry on the way home from work? Keep a protein bar in your bag or some other healthy snack with you so you aren't tempted to stop for food.
You can do it!

A PP mentioned that buying cut up fruit was a waste of money, but something she does. She is right on track! One of the things that I have heard in a number of forms is the importance of making it easy when losing weight. Although it is more expensive, if it helps you to eat fruits and veggies, it is totally worth it! I am not significantly overweight, but have lost 8 lbs in the last few months and would like to lose 5-10 more. I know that having those pre-washed and cut fruits and veggies makes me much more likely to grab them to eat as a snack or with lunch then if it requires extra steps.

Good luck with this , OP! We are behind you! Keep us posted on how you are doing. Accountability helps me...so we are happy to hear what changes you are trying!

Hi OP,

00:50 here again. I re-read your original post, and wanted to offer some suggestions on the cooking-at-home front. You don't have to be ashamed, it's never too late to learn. And you don't have to learn a whole bunch of things at once. Just like tackling bad habits, take just one thing at a time.

With that spirit in mind -- one thing at a time -- here are some changes you can make to have healthier options at home, without having to go to cooking school.

1. Start buying a few simple, easy fruits. Have a few apples and oranges around. Everyone likes them, they're easy to find and easy to eat. If you don't like oranges, get clementines. Smaller, easier, and sweeter. It'll give you something for breakfast or snacking that isn't a processed sweet product. And get you in the habit of eating natural food.

Take it easy -- you don't have to suddenly develop an appetite for berries or passion fruit. (The berries will come in time.) Just start with any fruit you like.

2. Oatmeal is a great breakfast. And incredibly easy to cook. Cook-it-yourself is better than tear-open instant, but even the tear-open instant is better than drive-through or pastries. Try traditional rolled oats--you just put 1 cup in a pot with 2 cups of water, bring it to a boil, turn the heat down, stir it for a minute, then serve and add some skim milk and something to give it flavor -- bananas, or berries, or a bit of maple syrup, or a bit of sugar. Don't worry if it boils over on you the first few times. It does that to everyone, and it's not that hard to clean up until you figure out how to turn it down right when it gets to a boil. (Steel-cut oats are even better than rolled oats, but don't worry about that for now. That's the advanced course.)

For days you don't feel like oatmeal, Bob's Red Mill makes a low-fat granola that's crunchy, yummy, and in no way feels like diet food. Half a cup of that and half a cup of skim milk is a pretty satisfying breakfast by itself.

3. Low-fat protein is important. Two of the best and easiest are chicken breast and turkey breast. They sell roasted turkey breast at the deli counter and it's very easy to slice it thin for sandwiches or slice it thick and heat it up in the micro for dinners. This is not the thin-sliced lunchmeat turkey, that stuff can be high in sodium (though it's better than the alternative, so if that's easier for you, go for it). This is real roast turkey, like thanksgiving, already prepared at the grocery store deli counter. The other thing is to get skinless boneless chicken breasts and figure out a couple of ways of making them that you like. Two I like are (1) cutting it into bite-size chunks, then stir-frying it with vegetables (broccoli, carrots, summer squash, onions, etc.) in a big skillet at high heat with a little canola oil and a touch of sesame oil for flavor, or (2) put the breasts between plastic wrap, gently pound them flat with a skillet, then pan-fry them in just a bit of oil till they brown a little. Also, (3) try some cottage cheese. Doesn't have to be the low-fat or no-fat, you can even do 2%. If you like it, you've got another great protein source. You can put berries in it or put it on fruit like peaches. If you don't like it, oh well, don't sweat it.

4. For cooking your new protein sources like your chicken stir fry, you'll need one heavy, quality fry pan. I like cast iron, but if you don't want to get into that, Emerilware makes nice heavy nonstick frypans that you can afford. (About $20 or $25 each; a 2-set skillet set is on amazon for $39.) Don't go with cheapo nonsticks -- God knows what those things shed into your food.

5. This one is huge: get a saucepan with a steamer basket that fits over it, or at the very least a fold-out steamer basket for the bottom of an existing saucepan. (The second one they sell at any grocery store for less than $6.) Being able to steam your own vegetables -- broccoli, caulifower, asparagus, and carrots are all super-easy -- gives you the option of a healthy vegetable every night.

6. During the summertime, zucchini and yellow summer squash are also incredibly easy. For those, just wash-and-slice, then fry then in your fry pan with a olive oil, canola oil, or even a little butter. You're allowed a little butter if you're cooking vegetables at home instead of eating out.

7. Frozen vegetables. Microwave.

8. Get either an air-pop popcorn maker, or a microwave popcorn cooker that allows you to make your own popcorn at home. Popcorn is good for satisfying those snack cravings where you just need to scarf and chew something. If you make it yourself, it's low- or no-fat, you can control the salt amount and eliminate the chemical flavorings, and it's even got a little fiber to it. When you've got to have something, it will get you by.

9. Salsa is the world's greatest condiment. Low-fat, made of vegetables. Flavors up anything, without heavier condiments like butter, margarine, mayo, etc. Always have it around, but don't buy any chips. I mean none. Don't have them in the house.

10. Once you're in the habit, you'll be shopping more and staying in more. When you shop at the grocery store, try to stick to the outside walls of the store--the produce section, the meat/fish section, the dairy section, and the frozen food section. Try to stay out of the middle of the store, which is where all the processed food in boxes is (along with the snacks).

11. That said, there are a few processed foods that can help, and make your life easy. Veggie burgers and fake veggie sausage patties are protein sources that are incredibly easy (out of the box, into the microwave), low-fat, and better for you than the red-meat alternatives. Do you like hot dogs? Keep some chicken or turkey dogs on hand. They're not ideal, but easy and better than the alternative. Try to like them on whole wheat bread or without bread; get away from that soft white bun if you can.

12. Try to get in the habit of drinking tea or coffee, black if possible. It's a satisfying "treat for me" that isn't soda and has no or few cals. Just don't put whole milk or half-and-half in it, or too much sugar, and you'll be good.
Friends I have in recovery swear by having a substitute--thus, most recovering alcoholics I know drink coffee constantly. Nothing wrong with substituting if the substitute is better for you than the original (in yoru case, soda).


Like I said, one thing at a time. Don't feel like you have to adopt the list. But those are a few ways, even if you can't cook a thing right now, that you can get started and spend more meals in your kitchen and fewer of them out at restaurants (evenings) or at the drive-through or pastry counter (mornings).

Hang in there and don't beat yourself up. Stick with one thing for 3 weeks. You'll feel better and feel more energy, and be encouraged to try the next thing.

Hi OP. I am in the process of healthying up, and here are some things I found true for me:

I cant make sweeping big changes. I make one change at a time, until it becomes habit. Every morning I stopped at Starbucks to get a croissant and hot chocolate with whipped cream. I don't eat breakfast at home. But now I stop at Jamba Juice and get their steel cut oatmeal with soy milk and sliced banana (no brown sugar). I get soba soap at a Japanese place, and used to get a side of tempura with it. I cut out the tempura.


Think about where your big problems lay. For me, it's after I come home from work. I would make ravioli for dinner, make a bagel to eat WHILE the ravioli was cooking, and munch on something else WHILE the bagel was toasting. Now, although it's kind of a waste of money, I buy cut up fruit from Whole Foods. When I come home, I can grab that to eat instead while dinner is cooking.

I happen to like water, but almost WISH I had a soda addiction, because it'd be a easy thing to cut out in order to lose weight. Keep in mindyou can drink seltzer - it doesn't have to be plain water.

When you make plans with a friend, try to plan something that is an activity (like going for a walk along a pretty view), and don't make a meal the main focus of tehe get together.

You will NOT starve. I associate the "hungry" feeling with my stomach hurting, for some reason. So if I physically feel hungry, I immediately think I'm sick. I'm not. It's okay to feel hungry. And you WILL feel hungry as you cut down on portion sizes, while your stomach gets used to its new portions you're feeding it. But it will adjust, for me it takes less than two weeks.

I keep healthy snacks around. I bought a bag of mixed nuts that I like okay, but not too much, from Trader Joe's, and then a smaller bag of honey-roasted peanuts. I mixed them together, and pour some into a cup to munch at work. If I eat a little nut snack at work around 11am, then at 1pm when I goto lunch I'm not super hungry and am less prone to getting the tempura, or a bag of M&Ms after lunch to eat in the afternoon. I bring that cut-up fruit to work and sometimes eat some around 4pm.

OP, I have similar issues and just started going to OA. I've found it really supportive. PPs have all provided good advice for the nuts and bolts of changing eating, but when you stop overeating junk all your emotions, anxiety, and anger that you have been piling food on is going to flood out. You need a plan for getting through that. I haven't been to many meetings so far, and I never thought I'd be "a 12-stepper" but it's been kind of a relief to be in a group of people who've all struggled with this. Also, I was relieved to learn that your "plan of eating" can be whatever you want to start with, you do not have to go to weighing and measuring and accounting for every bite, it can be one step at a time and focus on habits or specific foods without calorie limitations (if you want to start that way).

Good luck!

Hi OP, I'm kinda in your shoes. I'm also 5'3 and about 250-260. I used to drink a lot of soda and didn't like water. I tied several waters until I found one I liked (different water taste different to me, I'm kinda weird). I settled on smart water and the 7-11 water. Since then, I replaces all soda by water and drink 1-3 liters a day. It was hard and sometimes i still have a soda, maybe once a month.

I lost a lot of weight a few years back, so I know I can do it and you can, too!!
Definitely get a DR check up to make sure everything is ok. Then find something that is fun, so you'll stick with it. Walking with a friend, fun work out classes, swimming (will be great for your joints).

Do you drink a lot? I know I get a lot of calories from drinking at night.

I wish you all the best!! You can do it!!!

Where are you located? If you're close to me, I would love to walk with you sometime.

More protein, fiber, and walking. As much as you can. And limit sugar and artificial sweeteners as much as possible.

You may also be able to learn to stretch out the time between indulgences. If you can tell yourself you can have it later or have it tomorrow sometimes it's easier to pass something up.

Another tip, cut out the crap you don't really like that much and don't buy things you love. I would potato chips for dinner if I had them. That's why I don't keep them in the house. Every now and then I buy a single serving bag from a hot dog stand. Same thing cookies. I keep tortilla chips and candy in the house because I never eat them.

OP, others have given great advice. It sounds like it may be hard to make changes because you're more motivated by the short term reward of food than the long term reward of health and weight loss. The weight will take a while to come off, but I think if you can start eating healthier foods and stop drinking soda, you will start to feel way way better. I mean honestly, stick with it for two weeks and you'll be surprised at how much more energy you have and how much better you feel already. When you realize how the crappy food and soda makes you feel, you'll be much less inclined to eat them.

Once you feel good, you will feel much more motivated to take care of yourself.

Also, look into healthier "fast food" options. Two of my favorites are Chopt and Chipotle (but you can't load it up with cheese and sour cream- and the tortillas have a ton of calories, so go for the burrito bowl).

Another comment on the mental side. You used a lot of "shame" language in your post. I know from hard experience that the hurt/comfort cycle can make eating problems very difficult to overcome.

You are not a disgusting person. You deserve to be taken care of, to be fed healthy food, to have your muscles and joints properly exercised.

You do not deserve to be abused verbally or mentally, especially not by your own self.

You can forgive your self without indulging your self.

You can be firm with your self without hating your self.

You can do this because you are a human being, the result of a hundred thousand years of infinite adaptability. It will be slow. It will be hard. But you can do it. And you deserve to do it.

OP here. Just want to say I really appreciate the great advice. Thanks so much.

Don't try to do everything at once. It's too much. Take one thing at a time.

It takes about 3 weeks to break a habit and form a new one. Your habits are deep conditioned. Take one at a time.

Quitting soda should be the first one. After 3 weeks off soda, you shouldn't want it anymore. You'll see some results already.

Then tackle the next thing--whether it's cutting alcohol, switching from white bread to whole grain, adding a 30 minute walk (start with 3 days a week, work up to 6 days a week), cutting cheese and fatty red meat, adding lean protein, adding vegetables, what have you--just pick one, and stick to that one for 3 weeks. (And don't go back on the earlier one either.)

One habit at a time, 3 weeks at a time, and you're going to find you feel more energy, and you'll find you don't crave those bad things anymore.

By the way I'm taking this advice myself, and so far I'm down from 291 to 278 in six weeks. The first habit for me was getting back to a healthy breakfast. (I didn't have to break the soda habit, I don't drink it.) Oatmeal, fake veggie sausages and fruit now, not McDonald's drive through or bagels. The second habit, and biggest one, has been a salad for lunch every day. I HATE salad. And I eat my lunch out every day. But I found a couple of salads I like, with protein on them, pre-tossed with a moderate amount of low-fat dressing. I switch them around--chicken most days, tofu sometimes, steak once every other week. I really don't crave the sandwiches or fries anymore. And I found that by the way I've cut my alcohol to almost nothing without even really thinking about it.

My new cravings are healthy foods, and I don't crave snacks like I used to. I have more energy, and I'm down 3 belt notches. I'm even feeling like I WANT to exercise, which I used to hate even more than salad.

No junk food/soda/ice cream/sweets that tempt you in the house -- just stop buying them. If they aren't there, you won't snack on them. If you are living with a husband/kids, if they insist on having some stuff in the house, then comprise by only buying junk food that you have no interest in (eg, I won't eat strawberry ice cream, I don't care how hungry I am).