Anonymous wrote:Anyone heard of you get what you get and you don't get upset? You are not entitled to anything you didn't earn. If you do acquire things because someone passed it is a bonus. My dad went through a similar thing when his dad ( the oldest brother passed), he was willed a substantial amount of property because he was the son of the eldest son. He still holds the deeds, but if he wills it to me and my sisters okay. Iif not I'm okay with it. Sometimes you have to realize material things don't even come close to comparing with memories.

I like this. I use it a lot with my kids. I hope OP's mom is just as accepting of this belief system when it comes to financial help for her.....

Anyone heard of you get what you get and you don't get upset? You are not entitled to anything you didn't earn. If you do acquire things because someone passed it is a bonus. My dad went through a similar thing when his dad ( the oldest brother passed), he was willed a substantial amount of property because he was the son of the eldest son. He still holds the deeds, but if he wills it to me and my sisters okay. Iif not I'm okay with it. Sometimes you have to realize material things don't even come close to comparing with memories.

OP, you said you wanted the ring -- but did you ever tell your mother that you wanted it, clearly and directly, at any point before the ring was given to your sister? If mom didn't know that you wanted the ring, why shouldn't she give it to your sister? I've seen too many cases where one sibling says "But I've always treasured item X and now sibling has it!" but that was the first anyone outside the person's head ever heard that he or she simply adored and wanted item X. Mom can't know by osmosis that you wanted the ring; she's not telepathic. Yes, she does sound like a jerk and a pain, trying to sell you other jewelry (an action that is beyond the pale especially as she did not charge your sister for the ring). But it still is on you to tell people in no uncertain terms if you want something that badly. This is an example of why people either should have wills or should give away items before they die -- and it sounds like grandmother tried to do that but you demurred too often.

By the way, grandma may have been from another country and not well educated as you mentioned in a later posting, but that does not preclude her from making a will or at least from giving things away. She tried to do the latter, at least.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a ring
Get over it
I got zero jewelry from my grandma bc I was born after she wrote the will
Sucks but oh we'll, not worth causing family strife
Just bc you have more money and will be more able to support your mom if she needs it doesn't mean you deserve the jewelry more

It kind of does, though.

Why? If anything, the less well off sibling deserves more inheritance.

If it was worth a lot and u thought you might need to sell it to support mom, that would be one thing, but why should one sibling get an heirloom just because she makes more money? That makes no sense

Why would a less well off sibling "deserve" a larger inheiritance? That is insane. So someone who saves money and is responsible deserves less than someone who blows through every penny? Ridiculous.

NP. Interesting assumption, that a wealth difference between siblings is a function of financial responsibility and not more common factors, like career choice, luck with investments, health, marriage, innate differences in particular talents, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call your sister and talk to her. Tell her gently that it was very sentimental to you and that if she felt like she could part with the ring you would really like to have it to remember your grandmother. If she says no, then make peace with it. Your mom is creating drama so leave her out of whatever you decide to do.

I am pretty sure this cannot be the mom's first time of fostering a wedge between the two sisters.

Ding ding ding. PP. you are SO right. I think OP and I are twins separated at birth. My mothers does this EXACT same behavior with my younger sister. I so relate. OP I have no advice. It's taken half my life just to get over the lop-sided treatment. All I can say is to try and make peace with it in your soul and know there are other Prodigal Daughters out there. But the anger will eat you up. It's only a ring. In my case it was an entire house where my parents were supposed to retire and have their golden years. Sister now lives in it. But you have to move on.

OP here thanks for just listening. It is nice to be able to post on an anonymous board. Maybe I'll just mention this to my mother next time we talk. Frankly there are so many bad feelings there I don't care about piling it on. And she's a financial wreck with no assets to speak of and minimal social security coming in - one day it will be either public housing and food stamps or a check coming from me every month.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, this sucks. Both your mom and your sister sound like jerks. OTOH, you have to realize that if it meant that much to your grandmom that you have that ring she "offered to you over and over while she was alive" she would've put it in her will to you.

There was no will. My grandmother wasn't American and wasn't educated probably much beyond grade school. My sister and I are both attorneys. I've done a lot for my sister over the years, being older. Took her on a foreign vacation as a law school graduation present because my parents don't have money. That is my this hurts too. I think I need to get over it, but I think I can't feel the same about my sister either.

The parents love, love, love to dangle stuff in front of you just to see you jump. I do not fall for that anymore. My mother asked me if I, being a lawyer could write out a will favoring my brother. LOL!

Anonymous wrote:The reality is, you should always assume that when someone dies, you will get NOTHING, no matter what they tell you.

Tell your mother no, you will not be BUYING your dead grandmother's jewelry off her and you are offended and disappointed that she'd have proposed that.

Tell your sister face to face (or over the phone) that you would really love that ring that your mom gave her, and your grandma promised it to you. Then let your sister decide whatever she decides. If she decides to keep it, you need to decide if your sisterly relationship is worth throwing away over a ring.

Then go cry to your best friend about how unfair the whole thing is before going to your lawyer to firm up your will where you designate exactly which of your children gets which pieces of your jewelry.

I agree with the sentence in bold. My mom had a sterling silver set. It's in the will to me [signed by deceased father and living mother]. GM told DD she would get it. Listed on homeowners policy as a specific item. Meanwhile GM sold it for almost nothing and got cash-never took it off the policy. Never even offered any of her children the chance to buy it.

Siblings and I requested her to write a letter confirming sale to insurer. Did that months after POA removed from policy.

Why would a less well off sibling "deserve" a larger inheiritance? That is insane. So someone who saves money and is responsible deserves less than someone who blows through every penny? Ridiculous.

NP here - deserve may not be the right word, but there certainly some situations where this makes sense. Our HHI is approximately 6 times that of my sister. I have told my parents on several occasions that it is entirely up to them as to how they want to divide their estate, and if they want to leave more to my sister than me, it's perfectly fine with me.

Sorry OP, this sucks. Both your mom and your sister sound like jerks. OTOH, you have to realize that if it meant that much to your grandmom that you have that ring she "offered to you over and over while she was alive" she would've put it in her will to you.

OP, I am very sorry. That is so hurtful. As for your sister, she owns the ring now and probably thinks she deserves it no matter what. This has happened so often in my family that I actually hate jewelry because of it. I could tell so many stories. The whole concept that "one sister needs the money, so I will give more to her" is very hurtful. Usually the sister who has more has worked harder to get it. Feels like a slap in the face. As for supporting your mother financially, I would think twice before I did that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a ring
Get over it
I got zero jewelry from my grandma bc I was born after she wrote the will
Sucks but oh we'll, not worth causing family strife
Just bc you have more money and will be more able to support your mom if she needs it doesn't mean you deserve the jewelry more

It kind of does, though.

Why? If anything, the less well off sibling deserves more inheritance.

If it was worth a lot and u thought you might need to sell it to support mom, that would be one thing, but why should one sibling get an heirloom just because she makes more money? That makes no sense

Why would a less well off sibling "deserve" a larger inheiritance? That is insane. So someone who saves money and is responsible deserves less than someone who blows through every penny? Ridiculous.

This is the plot from "The Prodigal Son" story from the Bible. The answer to your question may be found there PP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a ring
Get over it
I got zero jewelry from my grandma bc I was born after she wrote the will
Sucks but oh we'll, not worth causing family strife
Just bc you have more money and will be more able to support your mom if she needs it doesn't mean you deserve the jewelry more

It kind of does, though.

Why? If anything, the less well off sibling deserves more inheritance.

If it was worth a lot and u thought you might need to sell it to support mom, that would be one thing, but why should one sibling get an heirloom just because she makes more money? That makes no sense

Why would a less well off sibling "deserve" a larger inheiritance? That is insane. So someone who saves money and is responsible deserves less than someone who blows through every penny? Ridiculous.

OP, I would start therapy ASAP, you need to realize and get over the fact that your mom is either crappy or mentally ill.
And that no, you don't have to support her.
Also you can offer your sister to buy this ring from her, I bet she is like mom a lot and will go for it.