For our family and SIL's family, the problems started when she complained about the GPs treating my kids like "perfect little angels as if they never do anything wrong", after I had put up with years of her kids hitting and being mean to mine. The GPs felt so bad that they started putting our kids down in front of SIL and spoiling her kids. It was such an egregious double standard. Just to say that you should beware of how the parenting differences might be perceived by the other side, I hope that things don't backfire on you like it did for me.

The way they talk to other adults is none of your business but you're free to reply with "Oh what was that? I didn't hear please." if you feel the need to.

For hitting, I think you should feel free to jump right in. My aunts were all over that when I was a kid and my parents never gave us any indication they thought the aunties were overstepping. Any yelling, hitting, or general mean-ness between cousins and siblings so stopped immediately. "Hey Joey! We don't hit around here. Come park yourself over here. We need to have a chat." and then we'd sit out on the fun for a few minutes.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to everybody for all of your comments. Having everyone's perspective helps a lot. I have spoken to my kids about their cousins' behavior and why some things were problematic. We are close to SIL's family, and I would like to stay that way. I've done a lot of thinking about SIL's DD's behavior. She has some sensory issues and has a lot of rigidity in her behavior, so I think some empathy is in order.

Bullshit. I've got SN kids, including sensory issues and rigidity. Those have nothing to do with what you're complaining about. Yes, your SIL deserves compassion but that doesn't give them a pass for backtalking and hitting.

Anonymous wrote:WTF OP - this is a special needs kid?!?!? You are a terriable aunt for even posting this crap.

OP here. Nobody has diagnosed any special needs, but the child's temperament is not the easiest. There are definitely discipline issues, IMHO.

WTF OP - this is a special needs kid?!?!? You are a terriable aunt for even posting this crap.