Anonymous wrote:No, if they are hardly interested in their own child, why would they be more interested in a child of that child?

I know your heart is in the right place, but please listen to the PPs and let your DH take the lead. Your attempts at inclusion will come off as self absorbtion.

+1

My MIL only became bitchier. We give her less opportunity for her "digs", and everyone is happier. Dysfunction is not something one person can fix. Ever.

Sounds like there is not a natural next step to the relationship w/ILs. You can't be the puppet master and make it right. Let go of that fantasy. You now have the opportunity to create an intact and loving family - with your new family - husband, self & baby.

My fathers side is crazy and dysfunctional. It's better they're not in our lives. Any time they were it was to hurt my mom, Orr speak poorly of her children. My moms side lived 13 hrs by air away. We rarely saw them, and yet as adults those relatives have such a strong and beautiful bond with myself and children. My fathers relatives who always lived nearby are cut from our lives.

Honestly leave the unhealthy out and bring the healthy in.

I think the OP wants DH's happy, loving, supportive, perfectly functinal family to love and cherish the new baby. But based on her description, what she wants is not close to reality. A new baby will definitely change a family dynamic, the introduction of any new person will create change. But I don't think there is any way that a crazy, disinterested, dysfunctional family will be instantly rehabilitated by a new baby.

Do you seriously want a bunch of crazies around when you're sleep deprived, husband is sex deprived, and your hormones are a-raging?

OP- I think you do have hope. My dad and his wife showed little interest in me while I was growing up or when I got married. When I had the first grandkid, they came around made amends and have been wonderful parents and grandparents since.

I agree, let it happen organically.
I wouldn't expect anyone to be excited or want to share in your pregnancy. For many people, it's not real until the baby is out. It's almost like the bride who expects everyone to be excited about her wedding.

I would make a reasonable effort to include DH's family on e baby is here. You could send out baby announcements to everyone with a little note in each saying something like you'd love to get together and mend any bridges, etc.

Another idea is to have a meet the baby party afterwards (I think people call them "sip and sees", you sip drinks and see the baby). You could invite DH's family to that a few months after the birth.

Also, maybe a 1st birthday family party just with DH's family.

I'd do those three things, and follow their lead.

You are setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. You cannot force an interest when none exists. Accept his family for who they are and let it go.

No, if they are hardly interested in their own child, why would they be more interested in a child of that child?

I know your heart is in the right place, but please listen to the PPs and let your DH take the lead. Your attempts at inclusion will come off as self absorbtion.