Totally normal!! He's probably been doing it since he was 11.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal. It has nothing to do with the smart phone, contrary to the PP stupid assertation. If he didn't find it on his smart phone, he would have found it someplace else- just like thousands and thousands of other 13 year olds.

This is an opportunity to talk with him about sexuality, not to embarrass or shame him. Ideally your DH should be the one to talk with him. He needs to know that his feelings are 100% healthy and normal.

~Mom to three grow college-aged kids. No baby mamas. No baby daddys. We were always very open about sex. I am positive that our attitude towards sexuality is the reason we don't have grandchildren right now.

I know parents with attitudes like yours who's kids have had abortions, so don't be so sure of yourself.

I would know. My daughter came to me the week before she lost her virginity. She was 17. She wanted to talk about birth control. We went to the gyn together. She requested that I remain in the room while she talked to the doctor. The doctor openly praised our relationship and told my daughter the story of a young southern baptist girl that became pregnant and had no one to talk to. She ended up leaving the state to have an abortion all by herself. It was a heartbreaking story that ended in a suicide attempt.

My kids talk to me about sex because they know they can. I'm far from a perfect parent. But I know enough about teens to understand stand that open, frank, non-judgmental conversations trump guilt, manipulation, religious babbling, and secrecy any day. Normal healthy teenagers are going to seek out sexual material. It's our job to guide them in learning to make safe choices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal. It has nothing to do with the smart phone, contrary to the PP stupid assertation. If he didn't find it on his smart phone, he would have found it someplace else- just like thousands and thousands of other 13 year olds.

This is an opportunity to talk with him about sexuality, not to embarrass or shame him. Ideally your DH should be the one to talk with him. He needs to know that his feelings are 100% healthy and normal.

~Mom to three grow college-aged kids. No baby mamas. No baby daddys. We were always very open about sex. I am positive that our attitude towards sexuality is the reason we don't have grandchildren right now.

I know parents with attitudes like yours who's kids have had abortions, so don't be so sure of yourself.

There are also parents with attitudes like the PPs whose daughters have not had abortions. As well as parents with attitudes unlike the PPs whose daughters have had abortions. As well as parents who think that:

1. having an abortion does not mean that you are a bad person
2. your daughter having an abortion does not mean that you have failed as a parent
3. whether other people, including other people's children, have or have not had abortion is none of your business.

I'm also impressed by the logical leap from "My 13-year-old son is looking at porn" to "Parents with attitudes like yours have kids who have abortions." Starting with the fact that the OP's son is not going to get pregnant, no matter how much porn he looks at.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're a day late and a dollar short. You should have already been having open conversations with him about sex, including respecting women. That's what the porn problem is about - not watching porn, per se, but not understanding that porn is acting, not real life. If you personally have a deeply founded belief that porn harms women, then you should communicate that to him as part of your values. But if you just think porn in squicky and don't want to think about your 13 year old son having a sex drive, then you are sticking your head in the sand!

I also think you have to consider the role of the smart phone/web access, but as part of a bigger picture about media consumption. Yes, 13 year old boys have been seeking out porn since time immemorial. But the bigger problem is having unfettered 24/7 access to the internet, porn included.

Very well said.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're a day late and a dollar short. You should have already been having open conversations with him about sex, including respecting women. That's what the porn problem is about - not watching porn, per se, but not understanding that porn is acting, not real life. If you personally have a deeply founded belief that porn harms women, then you should communicate that to him as part of your values. But if you just think porn in squicky and don't want to think about your 13 year old son having a sex drive, then you are sticking your head in the sand!

I also think you have to consider the role of the smart phone/web access, but as part of a bigger picture about media consumption. Yes, 13 year old boys have been seeking out porn since time immemorial. But the bigger problem is having unfettered 24/7 access to the internet, porn included.

Probably the most sane post on this thread but unfortunately, OP will most likely dismiss it.

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal. It has nothing to do with the smart phone, contrary to the PP stupid assertation. If he didn't find it on his smart phone, he would have found it someplace else- just like thousands and thousands of other 13 year olds.

This is an opportunity to talk with him about sexuality, not to embarrass or shame him. Ideally your DH should be the one to talk with him. He needs to know that his feelings are 100% healthy and normal.

~Mom to three grow college-aged kids. No baby mamas. No baby daddys. We were always very open about sex. I am positive that our attitude towards sexuality is the reason we don't have grandchildren right now.

I know parents with attitudes like yours who's kids have had abortions, so don't be so sure of yourself.

OP, you're a day late and a dollar short. You should have already been having open conversations with him about sex, including respecting women. That's what the porn problem is about - not watching porn, per se, but not understanding that porn is acting, not real life. If you personally have a deeply founded belief that porn harms women, then you should communicate that to him as part of your values. But if you just think porn in squicky and don't want to think about your 13 year old son having a sex drive, then you are sticking your head in the sand!

I also think you have to consider the role of the smart phone/web access, but as part of a bigger picture about media consumption. Yes, 13 year old boys have been seeking out porn since time immemorial. But the bigger problem is having unfettered 24/7 access to the internet, porn included.

Anonymous wrote:He's a thirteen year old kid. He thinks about sex a LOT. He's going to look at porn if it's available.

You need to decide whether you can live with his access to internet porn or not. That's your parenting decision.

If you decide not to take internet away, I would have a discussion (or have your DH do it) about the nature of porn and how it doesn't represent real life, what it could mean to be one of those women in the porn industry, sexual health and diseases, etc.

OP here, even if I decide to take the internet off his phone I still will have that convo with him. , I don't think taking away the phone internet will prevent him access to porn if he wants to find it but it will make it less assesable. Our home computer is in the common area so he wouldnt access It there but I do know that where there is a will there is a way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal. It has nothing to do with the smart phone, contrary to the PP stupid assertation. If he didn't find it on his smart phone, he would have found it someplace else- just like thousands and thousands of other 13 year olds.

This is an opportunity to talk with him about sexuality, not to embarrass or shame him. Ideally your DH should be the one to talk with him. He needs to know that his feelings are 100% healthy and normal.

~Mom to three grow college-aged kids. No baby mamas. No baby daddys. We were always very open about sex. I am positive that our attitude towards sexuality is the reason we don't have grandchildren right now.

I don't get it. So you have a talk with your child about porn, and if the child doesn't stop looking at it, then what?

Then the child looks at porn?

But that's my point! Then why even talk to him about it? Other than to embarrass him. It's natural and ok to look at porn.

He's a thirteen year old kid. He thinks about sex a LOT. He's going to look at porn if it's available.

You need to decide whether you can live with his access to internet porn or not. That's your parenting decision.

If you decide not to take internet away, I would have a discussion (or have your DH do it) about the nature of porn and how it doesn't represent real life, what it could mean to be one of those women in the porn industry, sexual health and diseases, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal. It has nothing to do with the smart phone, contrary to the PP stupid assertation. If he didn't find it on his smart phone, he would have found it someplace else- just like thousands and thousands of other 13 year olds.

This is an opportunity to talk with him about sexuality, not to embarrass or shame him. Ideally your DH should be the one to talk with him. He needs to know that his feelings are 100% healthy and normal.

~Mom to three grow college-aged kids. No baby mamas. No baby daddys. We were always very open about sex. I am positive that our attitude towards sexuality is the reason we don't have grandchildren right now.

I don't get it. So you have a talk with your child about porn, and if the child doesn't stop looking at it, then what?

Then the child looks at porn?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal. It has nothing to do with the smart phone, contrary to the PP stupid assertation. If he didn't find it on his smart phone, he would have found it someplace else- just like thousands and thousands of other 13 year olds.

This is an opportunity to talk with him about sexuality, not to embarrass or shame him. Ideally your DH should be the one to talk with him. He needs to know that his feelings are 100% healthy and normal.

~Mom to three grow college-aged kids. No baby mamas. No baby daddys. We were always very open about sex. I am positive that our attitude towards sexuality is the reason we don't have grandchildren right now.

I don't get it. So you have a talk with your child about porn, and if the child doesn't stop looking at it, then what?

Um.... I don't really care that my teenage son is looking at porn??? It's completely normal.

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal. It has nothing to do with the smart phone, contrary to the PP stupid assertation. If he didn't find it on his smart phone, he would have found it someplace else- just like thousands and thousands of other 13 year olds.

This is an opportunity to talk with him about sexuality, not to embarrass or shame him. Ideally your DH should be the one to talk with him. He needs to know that his feelings are 100% healthy and normal.

~Mom to three grow college-aged kids. No baby mamas. No baby daddys. We were always very open about sex. I am positive that our attitude towards sexuality is the reason we don't have grandchildren right now.

I don't get it. So you have a talk with your child about porn, and if the child doesn't stop looking at it, then what?

Totally normal. It has nothing to do with the smart phone, contrary to the PP stupid assertation. If he didn't find it on his smart phone, he would have found it someplace else- just like thousands and thousands of other 13 year olds.

This is an opportunity to talk with him about sexuality, not to embarrass or shame him. Ideally your DH should be the one to talk with him. He needs to know that his feelings are 100% healthy and normal.

~Mom to three grow college-aged kids. No baby mamas. No baby daddys. We were always very open about sex. I am positive that our attitude towards sexuality is the reason we don't have grandchildren right now.

Anonymous wrote:He may very well already be sexually active. Do you have frequent communication with the parents of the kids he hangs with? Do you know his friends that well? Time to devote much more time to your son and eventually try to get to know where his head is. (Yeah, it could easily be in some girl's mouth when you least expect. Sorry.)
Does he get on the school bus? Is he on his own after school?

I think that is highly unlikely and trust me I'm not a parent that has her head stuck in the sand. My own cousin got pregnant when she was 12. He is driven to school and after school he walks two blocks to my husband and is always there within 10 mins. Most of the friends he spends time with outside of school are kids he has known since elementary schools so I know the kids and parents well. I know anything is possible but I'm not concerned that he is sexually active.