Yes. I have my own account with my name only, so does my H, we have a joint account for family expenses.

His generally is empty and mine has about $30k in it. We put them same amount in per month for the last 10 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do some posters think there is a relationship between having all joint funds and not fighting about money? I am one of the pps who does have my own separate account and we never, ever fight about money either. I agree with 8:19, the fundamental thing there is that the arrangement is out in the open. It's the secret, not the separation, that leads to conflict.

I disagree with 8:19 on one point though, that it's not your mom's business. Your mom's first instinct is going to be to protect you and that's ok. I would be asking her why she feels she needs to give you this advice. Does she have a tough divorce in her own past or does she have concerns about your specific situation? What does she think the danger is here? Then I would assess her concerns and decide for myself if it is something I need to take seriously.

Yes you got it right. My mom is divorced. She also gets upset with me bc my husband handles all of our finances.

Your mother is right. Of course you need to be involved in your fianances. The difference between you and your husband is if he leaves he still gets a paycheck. You, not so much. And obviously the finances aren't handled well if you need this inheritance in part for plane tickets.

Anonymous wrote:Why do some posters think there is a relationship between having all joint funds and not fighting about money? I am one of the pps who does have my own separate account and we never, ever fight about money either. I agree with 8:19, the fundamental thing there is that the arrangement is out in the open. It's the secret, not the separation, that leads to conflict.

I disagree with 8:19 on one point though, that it's not your mom's business. Your mom's first instinct is going to be to protect you and that's ok. I would be asking her why she feels she needs to give you this advice. Does she have a tough divorce in her own past or does she have concerns about your specific situation? What does she think the danger is here? Then I would assess her concerns and decide for myself if it is something I need to take seriously.

Yes you got it right. My mom is divorced. She also gets upset with me bc my husband handles all of our finances.

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't the court order you to sort of bring that money into the assets to be divided should you or spouse file for divorce?
Like- no matter whose name it is in, it has to be split the way the court orders?

I believe inheritance is different -- it isn't community property? Anyone, please correct me if I'm wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. My grandmother and my mother had accounts too. I keep half our savings in there and half in joint savings. Has the side benefit of making it harder to spend.

But is the account with half your savings in your name only? Do you only have access to it?

Yup

I'm struggling to see how this is appropriate. All in one account? Fine. Some in a joint account, each spouse with a separate account of their own - fine. Half in a joint account, and half in an account in only one spouse's name? no. If it was the husband who had a private account with half (!) of the marital assets in it, you'd all be screaming bloody murder. Why is this different?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just got a grilling from my mom bc I don't have my 'own' account with my 'own' money. It started over some inheritance money she gave me which I asked her if she would just hold on to it until September for when we'll need to purchase some plane tickets. Anyway long story short, she says I should open my own account (in my name) to deposit the money into. She says a woman should have her own money to take care of herself and children should anything happen.

I currently stay at home, but even when I was working full time I had no such account.. All of our money wasp oiled together. I don't feel right keeping the money for 'myself.'. Thoughts?

BTW, I haven't mentioned this to my husband yet as I'm visiting my mom right now... This just started yesterday.

Just so long as you're ok with your husband having his own account with his own money. Otherwise, it's a ridiculous, selfish double-standard.

Perhaps. Perhaps not. Another way to look at it is that it helps equalize the financial power in the relationship. If one partner makes more or all of the money (male or female), then having a separate account with funds over which the low/no-earning partner has exclusive control gives the low/no-earning partner a bit more financial power. Some people may not want or need that power and that's ok. Others, especially in situations where the differences in earnings are significant (like a SAH parent), may gain a sense of security, autonomy, and empowerment from having money that is exclusively theirs. This might actually enhance the relationship for both partners. Who wants to be around an insecure dependent adult?

Alternately, some people (and I would put myself in this camp) have issues about money for which having a separate and exclusive account is a quick fix. For example, I grew up poor and my mother was a total spendthrift. We were constantly being kicked out of apartments because we couldn't make rent as a result of her overspending. As a result, I have a hard time trusting others to make good decisions about money. Having a bit stashed away in a private savings account eases all that anxiety, stops all fighting about money, and lets everyone in my family sleep at night.

Anonymous wrote:I just got a grilling from my mom bc I don't have my 'own' account with my 'own' money. It started over some inheritance money she gave me which I asked her if she would just hold on to it until September for when we'll need to purchase some plane tickets. Anyway long story short, she says I should open my own account (in my name) to deposit the money into. She says a woman should have her own money to take care of herself and children should anything happen.

I currently stay at home, but even when I was working full time I had no such account.. All of our money wasp oiled together. I don't feel right keeping the money for 'myself.'. Thoughts?

BTW, I haven't mentioned this to my husband yet as I'm visiting my mom right now... This just started yesterday.

Just so long as you're ok with your husband having his own account with his own money. Otherwise, it's a ridiculous, selfish double-standard.

Why do some posters think there is a relationship between having all joint funds and not fighting about money? I am one of the pps who does have my own separate account and we never, ever fight about money either. I agree with 8:19, the fundamental thing there is that the arrangement is out in the open. It's the secret, not the separation, that leads to conflict.

I disagree with 8:19 on one point though, that it's not your mom's business. Your mom's first instinct is going to be to protect you and that's ok. I would be asking her why she feels she needs to give you this advice. Does she have a tough divorce in her own past or does she have concerns about your specific situation? What does she think the danger is here? Then I would assess her concerns and decide for myself if it is something I need to take seriously.

All of our accounts are joint as well. We never fight about money, largely because we happen to have the same opinions on spending and saving.

Someone else already mentioned this but I think being open about the arrangement is the key, whatever approach you take. My mother used to hide an account from my stepfather to pay for things he thought weren't important--mostly things for her children (we're not his so why would he care if we have music lessons or get to go to prom). In that case I think it undermined their marriage because they already weren't on the same page about finances.

To the OP, I don't think you should feel bad about not having a separate account. It's not really your mom's business, it's between you and your husband.

2:52 - no, inheritances are exempt if the inherited asset is never mingled with marital assets.

In marriages where only one partner works or earnings are held in a joint account, I think each spouse should have an emergency account that is separately titled and contains enough for him or her to live on for 6-12 months. I've known too many people who have lived horror stories such as one spouse dying after wiping out the joint accounts with a gambling problem, one spouse leaving after cutting the other off from the joint account, etc. Yes, there are laws requiring the sharing of assets after divorce, but the associated processes can be slow.

Doesn't the court order you to sort of bring that money into the assets to be divided should you or spouse file for divorce?
Like- no matter whose name it is in, it has to be split the way the court orders?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I each have our own accounts - nothing joint. We each are responsible for certain bills based on our respective salaries. We also each contribute certain amount to college savings and our joint retirement account. I canNOT imagine having him see what I spend on certain things, nor can he (we've discussed). We've managed this way for 12 years, 3 kids, years of tuition - have NEVER fought about money - ever.

Shrug. We have everything joint and have never had a fight about money.

+1

+2. Married 26 years. Everything is joint. We never fight about money. Ever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I each have our own accounts - nothing joint. We each are responsible for certain bills based on our respective salaries. We also each contribute certain amount to college savings and our joint retirement account. I canNOT imagine having him see what I spend on certain things, nor can he (we've discussed). We've managed this way for 12 years, 3 kids, years of tuition - have NEVER fought about money - ever.

Shrug. We have everything joint and have never had a fight about money.

+1

We have everything joint and have never fought about money.

That said, I keep about $1000 in cash just in case. I don't think DH knows about it, but it doesn't matter if he did, or anything.