Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 15:09     Subject: Re:Teenager does not want job
College costs have been rising at a rate 2-3x the inflation rate, so it can be difficult to expect an 18 year old with no marketable skills to pay for college.

What my parents did was a trade-off. They said I had to contribute $4k/year to college so I felt the pain, and they'd pay the rest. I worked each summer and usually made about $5-6k, so the rest was my spending money for the summer and upcoming year.

For master's degree, I was on my own and financed it all by myself, but I did that a few years later and had an income then.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 14:48     Subject: Re:Teenager does not want job
Anonymous wrote:
I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.


That's one of the dumbest things I've ever read. What a ridiculous, and untrue, stereotype.


Agreed. If you do not want to pay for your kids education - it's your choice. But...in many cultures it is the very least you do for your kids future. I have lived frugally for many years because my kids want to go to medical school. My children have seen what my priorities are and they give 100% to their school and extra-curricular activities. They are responsible and hardworking kids. I do not want them to get a job at a burger place, but rather a volunteer or internship experience for their college apps.

My kids will be independent and fiscally responsible because we are. Our monetary gift to them is a solid start in life without student loans. My parents did the same for us.

Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 12:41     Subject: Re:Teenager does not want job
I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.


That's one of the dumbest things I've ever read. What a ridiculous, and untrue, stereotype.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 12:32     Subject: Re:Teenager does not want job
OP my daughter is similar. Has no job, has not pursued volunteer opportunities. Has applied to jobs, but hasn't really followed up. She's 17 and going away to school in August, so I'm starting to think it's too late for a job (not fair to employer to train her for less than 6 weeks of work). She's totally lazy and unmotivated. I honestly am at my wit's end with her. I stopped her allowance ($20/week) for the summer hoping it would motivate her, but nothing. It's very frustrating.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 12:03     Subject: Teenager does not want job
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That would be unacceptable to me. She needs to be doing something educational or productive for 40 hours a week. If she wants to get a job in the gift shop of either the hospital or museum that would be fine. But sitting around doing nothing is completely unacceptable to me.

I agree with this advice, OP.


She is 16. Why should she work for 40 hours a week?


I agree. 40 hours is ridiculous. Unless you want your child working during the school year (I did, but I think it depends on the kid) you can't really expect her to pay for anything. You are more than welcome to limit what you will pay for but I don't see why, during the summer, kids can't just enjoy some down time. She's a KID, OP. Soon enough she won't be able to do that anymore. Some of my best memories are of lazy summers spent working PT and in the rest of my free time lounging in front of the TV, hanging with friends, or swimming at the pool. Now that my life is hectic, I'd KILL for that kind of life again. Give her a break.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 11:52     Subject: Teenager does not want job
Anonymous wrote:My kids know the rule: If you want to go to college, you have to pay for it.

Oldest worked her ass off at school and got a full ride to a good college, second worked 40hrs/week during summers starting 9th grade and had part time jobs during the school year and is paying essentially out of pocket + a few scholarships. Youngest one is currently a sophomore and relying on loans plus a little saved up over her high school career.

Our kids knew that they had to do the work to get jobs. Some parents can "hire" their kid at their own company, but we couldn't, and wouldn't. Some might see it as mean or bad parenting, but you have to realize that we won't be able to pay for their first house, or their wedding, or their graduate school. If we pay for their college, they never will learn to pull their own way. They will expect us to bail out their bad decisions. And if DD1 couldn't find a job over the summer and needed a bit more money, we would probably loan her a bit (with interest) as we know she is a hardworking adult who will pay us back.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.


You do what works for your family, but I think that you are making some dangerous generalizations. By itself, paying for a kid's education or helping them pay for it does not make them dependents who cannot take care of themselves. My job as a parent is to prepare my kids for the world as best I can and make them self sufficient. In this current job market, an undergrad degree is the basic entry level requirement. So I have no probelm paying the lion's share. What I do require is that they provide most of their own spending money, that they get good grades and that they have some skin in the game (either through scholarships or loans).

Nobody expects you to pay for their wedding or their first house - I would not pay for either of those myself. But I do not think that a college education is the same thing!
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 11:38     Subject: Teenager does not want job
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she has two good volunteering jobs to put on college apps, and is also spending time playing sports. Sounds like a very appropriate summer for a 16 year old to me.
Could she get babysitting jobs?


Agree. And if she's a rising jr she can do an SAT prep class this summer too.


THIS (to both posts). Those volunteer postions will look VERY good on college apps (more than a job at Burger King) and she may even get scholarship money because of it. One my my kids did the fast food thing one summer and volunteered 25 hours a week at an assisted living facility the next summer. Her eventual college ended up giving her a sizable grant because of her volunteer work. Would you rather have her make $100 a week at a fast food joint or have her do something that could get her a $5000 grant down the line? Both have their pros and cons.

IME with 4 kids, I was happy that they were doing something productive whether it was for pay or not. Unfortunately, paying jobs for teens are tough to get this summer so the volunteer thing may be the best option.

But I do agree that sitting around the house would be a "no-go."
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 00:07     Subject: Teenager does not want job
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she has two good volunteering jobs to put on college apps, and is also spending time playing sports. Sounds like a very appropriate summer for a 16 year old to me.
Could she get babysitting jobs?


Agree. And if she's a rising jr she can do an SAT prep class this summer too.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 23:38     Subject: Re:Teenager does not want job
Sounds pretty normal to me- even kids I know who have jobs seem to only average 15-20 hours per week...then play sports, spend time with friends, etc. with the time left over.

If you cannot afford to pay for her stuff, then by all means encourage the jobs, but otherwise I think there really isn't a huge difference between volunteering vs, getting paid.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 23:33     Subject: Teenager does not want job
Anonymous wrote:My kids know the rule: If you want to go to college, you have to pay for it.

Oldest worked her ass off at school and got a full ride to a good college, second worked 40hrs/week during summers starting 9th grade and had part time jobs during the school year and is paying essentially out of pocket + a few scholarships. Youngest one is currently a sophomore and relying on loans plus a little saved up over her high school career.

Our kids knew that they had to do the work to get jobs. Some parents can "hire" their kid at their own company, but we couldn't, and wouldn't. Some might see it as mean or bad parenting, but you have to realize that we won't be able to pay for their first house, or their wedding, or their graduate school. If we pay for their college, they never will learn to pull their own way. They will expect us to bail out their bad decisions. And if DD1 couldn't find a job over the summer and needed a bit more money, we would probably loan her a bit (with interest) as we know she is a hardworking adult who will pay us back.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.


This seems very harsh. My family paid for my undergrad and I'm now paying for my grad school. Which I will attend alone, in a foreign country, at 22. Clearly my parents failed in teaching me independence.

As for op, this sounds pretty similar to my summers during high school. Most years I would do theatre (which went on to become my major), and volunteer in the elementary summer school class my mother taught. One year I traveled abroad with people to people (in lieu of all Christmas/birthday presents from all family members that year) and one year I took a summer school class so that I could take an additional ap class during the school year. I'd also babysit when I could. I'd say I averaged about 20-30 productive hours a week. I frequently tried to nail down a more concrete job, but none ever came to fruition.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 23:15     Subject: Teenager does not want job
Sounds like she has two good volunteering jobs to put on college apps, and is also spending time playing sports. Sounds like a very appropriate summer for a 16 year old to me.
Could she get babysitting jobs?
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 23:05     Subject: Teenager does not want job
My kids know the rule: If you want to go to college, you have to pay for it.

Oldest worked her ass off at school and got a full ride to a good college, second worked 40hrs/week during summers starting 9th grade and had part time jobs during the school year and is paying essentially out of pocket + a few scholarships. Youngest one is currently a sophomore and relying on loans plus a little saved up over her high school career.

Our kids knew that they had to do the work to get jobs. Some parents can "hire" their kid at their own company, but we couldn't, and wouldn't. Some might see it as mean or bad parenting, but you have to realize that we won't be able to pay for their first house, or their wedding, or their graduate school. If we pay for their college, they never will learn to pull their own way. They will expect us to bail out their bad decisions. And if DD1 couldn't find a job over the summer and needed a bit more money, we would probably loan her a bit (with interest) as we know she is a hardworking adult who will pay us back.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 22:54     Subject: Teenager does not want job
Anonymous wrote:Whether it's volunteering or getting paid is not the point- she seems to have a LOT of free time not doing much.


That's true- what does YOUR teenager do during the day?
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 22:44     Subject: Teenager does not want job
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have zero preference re paid work vs. volunteering. But only 10 hours a week seems like too much free time that is not filled up with anything productive.


Sounds like a Princess SAHM in training.


Wow! Where did the snarky "Princess SAHM" comment come from? If someone situation allows them to be a SAHM and they are happy with it then good for them - what's your beef? BTW - I am a working mom who has been a SAHM, and a part-time worker as well...so been on both sides of the fence as well as on the fence.

Coming back to the original thread -- I am with the poster who commented about a lot of wasted time.

If the teenager wants to go to college then the volunteering and team sports will come in handy. Having extra time means that they can prep for PSAT or SAT etc. Get tutored for subjects they are not strong in etc. If they are into sports then maybe they can coach younger children etc.

Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 22:32     Subject: Teenager does not want job
Whether it's volunteering or getting paid is not the point- she seems to have a LOT of free time not doing much.