Anonymous wrote:As a parent who really loves my profession and one or two outside interests ( in the arts and sports), in which I am always working to improve myself, I find it very hard to relate to my unfocused, non passionate teens. They are great students and nice kids, but I can't help thinking that their inability to find something they love (despite every opportunity) and commit themselves to it wholeheartedly is a sign of weak character.

Their inability to find something they love and commit themselves to it wholeheartedly, before they are even legal adults, is a sign of weak character?

What you must think of me, then! I have had various and changing interests my whole life, and I am well into middle age.

As a parent who really loves my profession and one or two outside interests ( in the arts and sports), in which I am always working to improve myself, I find it very hard to relate to my unfocused, non passionate teens. They are great students and nice kids, but I can't help thinking that their inability to find something they love (despite every opportunity) and commit themselves to it wholeheartedly is a sign of weak character.

I actually thought this was an interesting and reasonable post and found OP a little harsh. To answer someone's other question though, I do think passion is being encouraged more than in recent past generations. The parenting books on children seem to reflect this. On is Outliers where he talks about needing to spend 10,000 hours on a subject to be an expert. I just heard a talk from another book on how to focus on your child's strengths for success. I hear colleges no longer care about the well rounded person. They want the person who was really dedicated in one sport and was captain verses being pretty good at 3 sports and one who's been focussed on a career at a young age and already having an impressive resume on that subject before starting college. There are also a lot of "follow the child" curriculums and home schooling methods being used now compared to several years back.

Personally I prefer people a litle less focussed and more open minded, athough I do get excited about things that others are passionate about.

I see you've checked out, but in case you come back, I just wanted to add: if your child finds her passion, she will not need to learn the skills to tackle it. The passion itself will be the driving force; the skills will follow.

I'll add that this doesn't always lead to success--I've known many very, very passionate musicians who can barely pay the bills and who are frustrated professionally besides. So while it's a cool idea, in reality, pursuing a passion can be a tough road.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are very focused on success. I bet she gives up on anything she doesn't want to fail or not be the best at. You need to teach her to "fail early and fail often" then adjust and move on until you figure out what works for a problem or skill. Kids need to learn how to fail and try again.

I breezed through HS with all A's, AP classes, etc. when things got hard for me in college it was really tough because I had not learned how to fail, not be the best, etc.
best to learn that earlier than college and first job when it is easier to learn coping mechanisms.

What I was trying to convey was - work on the skills she needs to tackle her passions once she finds them - grit, perseverance, work ethic, good ethics, etc. if she can't push past the frustrations and failures in life she'll never make it past the intro part of a new activity to the point where it can become a passion.

She is 7. Most 7 year olds don't have grit, work ethics or good ethics. Push past frustrations and failures in life? Most 7 yr olds like to play and have fun. It seems you are expecting her to be a mini-adult.

I've had it with you people. Hardly anyone has understood my question, and instead most of you are jumping all over me with the wrong impression. Thanks for nothing. End of post, please.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are very focused on success. I bet she gives up on anything she doesn't want to fail or not be the best at. You need to teach her to "fail early and fail often" then adjust and move on until you figure out what works for a problem or skill. Kids need to learn how to fail and try again.

I breezed through HS with all A's, AP classes, etc. when things got hard for me in college it was really tough because I had not learned how to fail, not be the best, etc.
best to learn that earlier than college and first job when it is easier to learn coping mechanisms.

What I was trying to convey was - work on the skills she needs to tackle her passions once she finds them - grit, perseverance, work ethic, good ethics, etc. if she can't push past the frustrations and failures in life she'll never make it past the intro part of a new activity to the point where it can become a passion.

She is 7. Most 7 year olds don't have grit, work ethics or good ethics. Push past frustrations and failures in life? Most 7 yr olds like to play and have fun. It seems you are expecting her to be a mini-adult.

DD had musical talent at a young age. She took lessons and seemed to enjoy it, but her passion really didn't emerge until high school.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are very focused on success. I bet she gives up on anything she doesn't want to fail or not be the best at. You need to teach her to "fail early and fail often" then adjust and move on until you figure out what works for a problem or skill. Kids need to learn how to fail and try again.

I breezed through HS with all A's, AP classes, etc. when things got hard for me in college it was really tough because I had not learned how to fail, not be the best, etc.
best to learn that earlier than college and first job when it is easier to learn coping mechanisms.

What I was trying to convey was - work on the skills she needs to tackle her passions once she finds them - grit, perseverance, work ethic, good ethics, etc. if she can't push past the frustrations and failures in life she'll never make it past the intro part of a new activity to the point where it can become a passion.

Sounds like you are very focused on success. I bet she gives up on anything she doesn't want to fail or not be the best at. You need to teach her to "fail early and fail often" then adjust and move on until you figure out what works for a problem or skill. Kids need to learn how to fail and try again.

I breezed through HS with all A's, AP classes, etc. when things got hard for me in college it was really tough because I had not learned how to fail, not be the best, etc.
best to learn that earlier than college and first job when it is easier to learn coping mechanisms.

OP, find some good books on children's developmental stages and learn what to expect from a child her age -- and what to expect in the coming years.

There is a book called Ages and Stages that looks at kids through age 10. There is even a Child Development and Psychology for Dummies book, and an entire series of books (can't recall the series title) that looks at each age range in depth.

I think that your expectations for her at just seven are not realistic. If she were 17 instead, I could see having this issue, but she is still very young. I have seen a lot of parents with expectations that are not age-appropriate, especially in our area where kids are heavily involved in extracurricular activities and/or intense academics at young ages; around here there is an unspoken (and sometimes spoken) tendency to want kids to be very goal-oriented about something -- often a sport but I see the same thing in dance, in academics, etc. -- by the time they're in early elementary school. That is not how many, or even most, kids are. Read up on her age and relax a little, knowing that she will find her own passion in her own time, or she may be an all-rounder who is more relaxed than you are, or than some of her peers are.

Anonymous wrote:I like your original question, OP, and I wish I knew the answer. I'd also like my children to be passionate about something they do. I support the idea that we continually expose them to a lot of different activities/experiences/people, and then let them be self-directed in their interests. I don't know what else to do

Thank you! It's nice to see an appropriate response that is not jumping all over me for being unhealthy and expecting too much from my DD. The question really is, can we help our kids develop a zest for life? Is that teachable or is that an innate characteristic? Of course, I hope that for my child. By success in life, I really just mean that I hope she is happy. All of you nasty posters should find someone else to pick on.

I like your original question, OP, and I wish I knew the answer. I'd also like my children to be passionate about something they do. I support the idea that we continually expose them to a lot of different activities/experiences/people, and then let them be self-directed in their interests. I don't know what else to do

Anonymous wrote:When did we decide that everybody ought to have a passion?

This is a serious question, not a rhetorical one.

+1. I hear the word "passion" bandied about in discussions related to elite college admissions. I'm not sure where it originated.

Anyway, passion in a seven year-old will look very different from passion in an older teen. OP, when you say passion, are you talking about determination? Curiosity? Sensitivity? Pride? Ownership? The ability to adjust and learn from failure?

Anonymous wrote:"But she does not seem to have that fire in her belly that will hopefully make her very successful in life..."

OP, maybe you should have worded your post better b/c you are talking about a 7 year old who lacks passion and may not be a future success in life because of it. Those were your words. So it's little wonder why people would be taken aback.

If you want to foster her passions, let her take the lead. Let her only do the activities she is truly interested in regardless of her actual level of talent.

Expose her to the things you enjoy that you can do together. Try new things. Have down time. Enjoy the outdoors. Read wonderful books. Laugh.

Anonymous wrote:This area is unhealthy in what it expects from kids. Our 10-yaar old DC has a passion for art and is very good at dancing. The art - quality and depth of involvement - comes and goes. The idea that DC should spend every moment of time "directed at" art is just crazy. If we constantly scheduled classes and tutorials, DC would probably come to hate art. Ditto with dance. DC takes pre-professional classes and we pushed a bit to continue it one more year -- after that DC will have to make the choice because the time commitment will go up significantly.

OP again. You are missing my point. I am not talking about over scheduling classes with unhealthy expectations. I am just wondering if kids can "learn" to be passionate about life. Is there anyone out there who understands my question? And can refrain from jumping all over me for pressuring my kid and being unhealthy?