Anonymous wrote:Had a similiar issue, tried to ignore it, played nice etc. She worked her way around a lot of people and set it up to make my life miserable, for some reason she had an "in" with some of the higher ups even though they called her crazy as well. Went to HR they told me I could ignore it, find a way to make it work or leave. My biggest mistake? Didn't document everything. Even when things continued to get worse I didn't have enough documentation beyond my word vs her. After a year of progressively worse environment I finally left. If I had another chance at this I would document although HR did say that even if I had done that the way our company was run life would have gotten much worse before any hope of it getting better and it was unlikely anyone would have fired her or even approached her on it..seems she wielded a strange amount of power considering her job position didn't warrant it. I'm glad I left even though prior to her I had always loved and enjoyed my job.

This situation sounds a lot like what I was in the middle of a few years ago. I was a salesman and she was a project manager. She would forward emails to customers with sensitive information, like what our cost was or the percentage of profit I was making. She claimed it was a mistake every time, but it kept happening all of the time. I would discuss these issues with her privately. I think she took offense and started friendships with other women in my office. Once she had them on "her side" she decided to complain to a manager about me while I was on vacation. Actually, my wife was due to give birth to one of our children. She even convinced an Outside salesman (young and looking to make a name for himself) to be in her camp. He was good friends with the manager. When I returned back from vacation I was called into a meeting. They wanted to discuss the "problems" between us. All it takes is one person with a vendetta to start the ball rolling. Just like the OP stated, everything else about my job was enjoyable, except her!

Fast forward to now. I'm in the same industry, but at a different place of employment. I still talk to people that I used to work with and they tell me how she's at it again with the newer people that work there now. It could very well be the same woman. LOL! One day she'll get what she deserves!

How do you approach HR if the person who is trying to sabotage you does it in passive aggressive ways? Any examples proving the behavior could easily be explained away and makes the complainer look crazy.

If you do go to lunch or coffee, make sure to bring along another colleague that is at the same level of seniority to witness. She sounds like the type to twist any conversation you have with her so you definitely want to have a third party present. What do you hope to accomplish at this meeting? I would think long and hard about that. YOu might want to just go straight to HR.

If she's interfering with your sales, then definitely take that conversation to HR. Ask for a meeting to detail what is expected of her in handling your clients. You can bring up specific examples of her mistreatment of clients at that time in the presence of an HR official. Once you lay all the facts and procedures on the table in a professional manner, any craziness from her will be seen for exactly what it is.

Bummer that crazy has found you. Good luck.

I have a similar situation in my office. In my case, the hostile co-worker is a man 10 years older than me. We are both senior executives reporting to the CEO.

I put up with his shit way too long. Gave him the benefit of the doubt, treated him "nicely" when at every turn he attempted to undermine me.

Finally the last straw came. I went into his office and told him to stop undermining me. I gave him specific examples. I told him if it happened again, I'd file a complaint with HR and with the CEO. I then wrote up a recap of our conversation and emailed it to myself so I'd have a documentable dated copy for my files. Haven't had to use it yet-- he leaves me alone now.

This woman has proven she's unstable. Stop being "nice" and confront her in a professional manner.

I'm a little surprised at the advice to engage this coworker. Seems like someone who is looking for trouble and getting close could just give her more ammo. I do think that going to HR is not a bad idea especially if the coworker has any credibility with any higher ups.

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to get out in front of this. Bring it up to your supervisor as a risk you've identified -- say you want coaching on how to handle possible issues that may fall out from this. View this as a professional challenge for yourself. Be honest with your supervisor that you're surprised by her behavior and you're looking for ideas on how to interact.

DO NOT buy her gifts. If can have a sit-down, do so, but keep things impersonal -- talk about how you'd like to get her input on how you can work better together and see what she'd like to make your business relationship smoother. Realize it may just be that she is mentally not-so-stable and her behavior is not a reflection of you.

If she's a drama queen (sounds like she is), ignore her crazy behavior, don't feed into it, and bring her back to reality in all your interactions (e.g., if she emails you with something off the wall, only respond to the rational portions).

Finally, if she does affect your customers, make sure to document and escalate.

Agree, get this on record, save nasty emails, ask for "advice" from seniors or HR. keep a logbook.
Meanwhile, be professional and let her know you love working there and will be working there for a very long time.
People like her (let me guess she's a woman picking on a woman), want to get you to leave, tell her you not going anywhere and suggest maybe she should since things don't seem to be working out for her since she is always so upset and emotional....

Had a similiar issue, tried to ignore it, played nice etc. She worked her way around a lot of people and set it up to make my life miserable, for some reason she had an "in" with some of the higher ups even though they called her crazy as well. Went to HR they told me I could ignore it, find a way to make it work or leave. My biggest mistake? Didn't document everything. Even when things continued to get worse I didn't have enough documentation beyond my word vs her. After a year of progressively worse environment I finally left. If I had another chance at this I would document although HR did say that even if I had done that the way our company was run life would have gotten much worse before any hope of it getting better and it was unlikely anyone would have fired her or even approached her on it..seems she wielded a strange amount of power considering her job position didn't warrant it. I'm glad I left even though prior to her I had always loved and enjoyed my job.