Anonymous wrote:I'm starved for affection right now. I've done everything I've been told I should do to be a good father and husband. That doesn't inspire affection. It inspires brotherly love.

Fact.

Christmas hug to you. And a cheeky DCUM kiss.

I'm starved for affection right now. I've done everything I've been told I should do to be a good father and husband. That doesn't inspire affection. It inspires brotherly love.

Of course men need affection. Personally i like to be left alone, but my dh has high needs. I make a concerted effort.

Why...are you married?

I'm a man who has been married for over 20 years. We have 4 children and she is a stay at home mom. I take really good care of myself to look good for her and she does not. I have pleaded with her to be affectionate with me and she constantly try's to avoid the subject. On occasion she will say I'm right and will try to change. There has been no change in the 10 years I have pleaded. I have not been with other women though the opportunity has been there on more than one occasion. We most definitely can be starved of affection. In my case I don't know what to do. My love is now turning to hate.

Anonymous wrote:I am not very affectionate person. I rarely kiss, hug, cuddle etc. With two kids I'm also usually too tired to spend quality time with DH. (I usually prefer to sleep) We have been together 5 years and in this time, he has definitely gone on a few dates with other women, stopping the dates when I find out. I don't doubt that he loves me. I just can't help wondering what he is looking for in these women. Honestly, I don't even think that he has slept with any of them. I can't tolerate this much longer but I also realize that I might need to change some things to make him happy. Any experiences or opinions?

But for the knowledge that he's been on dates with other women, which I haven't, this could describe my situation, too. DW is an excellent mother, and we have a good friendship, but we are becoming more co-parenting housemates.

It is not wrong or needy to want attention, affection, validation or sex within your marriage from your spouse. Those are pretty basic needs that one could expect to be met within a marriage relationship.

Of course they do. I'm a woman and I do too.

Thanks for the post OP. I've been making a much better effort to be more affectionate with my husband. I never want to be you!

Anonymous wrote:I am not very affectionate person. I rarely kiss, hug, cuddle etc. With two kids I'm also usually too tired to spend quality time with DH. (I usually prefer to sleep) We have been together 5 years and in this time, he has definitely gone on a few dates with other women, stopping the dates when I find out. I don't doubt that he loves me. I just can't help wondering what he is looking for in these women. Honestly, I don't even think that he has slept with any of them. I can't tolerate this much longer but I also realize that I might need to change some things to make him happy. Any experiences or opinions?

You sound like my DW but we have been together for over 23 years. She forgets our anniversary and my birthday. The only affection that I have received from her in the last 9 years are some kiss on the cheek and one make out session (only kissing) over 4 years ago that she said she liked but she never wanted to do it again.

Ironically she has a phd in psychology, but she seems to have no clue wrt basic human needs.

So to answer your question.. OP.. Yes men can been starved for affection. If you don't want to show affection.. Do the right unselfish thing.. Open your marriage or let him divorce peacefully.

Anonymous wrote:My husband definitely gets down when he doesn't get enough attention (not just sex, but appreciation and interest expressed in him). And it makes him her susceptible to attention from other women. His insecurity and need for validation has caused real problems in our marriage.

That sounds bitchy, I don't think I'm perfect and I'm working hard at making sure he does know how much I love and appreciate him, and we're in counseling to improve our communication.

No. Your lack of validation of him has caused real problems in your marriage. It's not wrong to need validation, it's wrong to withhold it.

yes we need affection not just sex and if we go long enough with out most of us will get it somewhere else.

Even those of us who are inept at showing affection get starved for affection.

OP, women like you don't need to be married to men who actually have feelings. Of course he's had sex with other women. You don't seem to provide him with anything he needs.

Of course men need affection. Personally i like to be left alone, but my dh has high needs. I make a concerted effort.