Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and her ilk can feel free to judge me because DC spends 1-2 weekend nights at the grandparents. I did the same when I was a kid and loved it as does my kid. I'm planning my retirement around being available to do the same for any grandkids I'm blessed to have. In addition, I've taken an adult vacation each year since birth. Maybe not as soon as your SIL but still. No regrets.

But there are only two days in the weekend. So do you spend any time with your kids as a family? I hope you don't work all week then leave the kid most of the weekend? Doesn't your spouse want to spend the weekend with his child?
Do you and your spouse work?
Are you overwhelmed? Why do you do it?

We spend time as a family, but family is more than just our household. I grew up feeling completely at home at my aunt/uncles, grandparents, etc. We both work and no I don't feel overwhelmed at all. I want my kid to know her family and be as close as I was. Her fav people in the world are her grandma and greatgrandma and its because she spends quality time with both regularly. In my family, for us to not see extended family at least weekly is odd. My little cousins and nieces are welcomed here anytime and nobody feels keeping kids are a burden fairly regularly because we all feel responsible for them. In addition, I love spending time with friends. Luckilly, some of my friends have similar familial structures in that one weeknight they might have nieces and nephews over to play and then we're all out for drinks the next (sometimes as couples, sometimes not).

Some of us are really fortunate to have family in the area who are really supportive so I know this wouldn't work for everyone, but per DCUM, seems like the most stressed out marriages are those with little outside help.

I want to be the one caring for my own kids. My MIL is more than willing to help but never would I leave hem like that over night, unless it's a special occasion. This makes me sad for you. Why did you even have kids when you are working Mon to Fri, then you drop them off fri to sun or sat to sun. How many hours are you actually with them?
Just because the help is offered doesn't mean you have to leave them? I find this incredibly sad, one of the saddest things u have read in DCUM. I am glad spending time with friends is such a priority, but you can do that with kids too. I feel so sad for your kids.

THIS is one of the saddest things u have read on DCUM? A family that has found a balance that works for it makes you sad?

NP here, and I think you need to stop being so sanctimonious. So you get off on feeling superior? I find that sad.

FYI, I am a SAHM. I spend plenty of time with my kids. So does my DH, who is home for dinner every night. We take most vacations with our kids, but we do go away just the two of us for 2 nights about once a month. Why? Because we got married so we could grow old together, not so we could raise our kids to think that life stops for grown-ups as soon as they become parents. My identity is not primarily about being a mother or wife. I am my own person, with my own interests. If I were not, both my DH and I would be bored to tears, and my children's lives would be much poorer. You don't need to hover over your children 24/7 for them to be happy and feel attached.

BTW, the kids love that we are so bonded as a couple. The greatest gift you can give your children is the gift of a happy marriage. You can't have a strong family without one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and her ilk can feel free to judge me because DC spends 1-2 weekend nights at the grandparents. I did the same when I was a kid and loved it as does my kid. I'm planning my retirement around being available to do the same for any grandkids I'm blessed to have. In addition, I've taken an adult vacation each year since birth. Maybe not as soon as your SIL but still. No regrets.

But there are only two days in the weekend. So do you spend any time with your kids as a family? I hope you don't work all week then leave the kid most of the weekend? Doesn't your spouse want to spend the weekend with his child?
Do you and your spouse work?
Are you overwhelmed? Why do you do it?

We spend time as a family, but family is more than just our household. I grew up feeling completely at home at my aunt/uncles, grandparents, etc. We both work and no I don't feel overwhelmed at all. I want my kid to know her family and be as close as I was. Her fav people in the world are her grandma and greatgrandma and its because she spends quality time with both regularly. In my family, for us to not see extended family at least weekly is odd. My little cousins and nieces are welcomed here anytime and nobody feels keeping kids are a burden fairly regularly because we all feel responsible for them. In addition, I love spending time with friends. Luckilly, some of my friends have similar familial structures in that one weeknight they might have nieces and nephews over to play and then we're all out for drinks the next (sometimes as couples, sometimes not).

Some of us are really fortunate to have family in the area who are really supportive so I know this wouldn't work for everyone, but per DCUM, seems like the most stressed out marriages are those with little outside help.

I want to be the one caring for my own kids. My MIL is more than willing to help but never would I leave hem like that over night, unless it's a special occasion. This makes me sad for you. Why did you even have kids when you are working Mon to Fri, then you drop them off fri to sun or sat to sun. How many hours are you actually with them?
Just because the help is offered doesn't mean you have to leave them? I find this incredibly sad, one of the saddest things u have read in DCUM. I am glad spending time with friends is such a priority, but you can do that with kids too. I feel so sad for your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and her ilk can feel free to judge me because DC spends 1-2 weekend nights at the grandparents. I did the same when I was a kid and loved it as does my kid. I'm planning my retirement around being available to do the same for any grandkids I'm blessed to have. In addition, I've taken an adult vacation each year since birth. Maybe not as soon as your SIL but still. No regrets.

But there are only two days in the weekend. So do you spend any time with your kids as a family? I hope you don't work all week then leave the kid most of the weekend? Doesn't your spouse want to spend the weekend with his child?
Do you and your spouse work?
Are you overwhelmed? Why do you do it?

We spend time as a family, but family is more than just our household. I grew up feeling completely at home at my aunt/uncles, grandparents, etc. We both work and no I don't feel overwhelmed at all. I want my kid to know her family and be as close as I was. Her fav people in the world are her grandma and greatgrandma and its because she spends quality time with both regularly. In my family, for us to not see extended family at least weekly is odd. My little cousins and nieces are welcomed here anytime and nobody feels keeping kids are a burden fairly regularly because we all feel responsible for them. In addition, I love spending time with friends. Luckilly, some of my friends have similar familial structures in that one weeknight they might have nieces and nephews over to play and then we're all out for drinks the next (sometimes as couples, sometimes not).

Some of us are really fortunate to have family in the area who are really supportive so I know this wouldn't work for everyone, but per DCUM, seems like the most stressed out marriages are those with little outside help.

Meh. My MIL ALWAYS babysat my SILs children while SIL and BIL went away for a week or two. SIL is spoiled and doesn't even know it. In addition, MIL would babysit SIL's children at least once per week, and MIL would claim it was about once per month. WHAT??!! They couldn't even cover up how much MIL helped SIL if they wanted to.

DH and I have never been away just us, and MIL would rather do anything else than help us out. In fact, she often does crosswords home alone instead of coming over to see her young grandkids.

Which tells me, in spite of having five of her own, she probably never liked kids to begin with.

No one turns that bitter overnight!

Anonymous wrote:OP and her ilk can feel free to judge me because DC spends 1-2 weekend nights at the grandparents. I did the same when I was a kid and loved it as does my kid. I'm planning my retirement around being available to do the same for any grandkids I'm blessed to have. In addition, I've taken an adult vacation each year since birth. Maybe not as soon as your SIL but still. No regrets.

But there are only two days in the weekend. So do you spend any time with your kids as a family? I hope you don't work all week then leave the kid most of the weekend? Doesn't your spouse want to spend the weekend with his child?
Do you and your spouse work?
Are you overwhelmed? Why do you do it?

OP and her ilk can feel free to judge me because DC spends 1-2 weekend nights at the grandparents. I did the same when I was a kid and loved it as does my kid. I'm planning my retirement around being available to do the same for any grandkids I'm blessed to have. In addition, I've taken an adult vacation each year since birth. Maybe not as soon as your SIL but still. No regrets.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound positively gleeful that your SIL got divorced. You may want to think about what kind of person that makes you, even if you spent zero time away from your kids ever.

I am happy she is out of my life, she is a nasty vile competitive creature.

OP, you sound positively gleeful that your SIL got divorced. You may want to think about what kind of person that makes you, even if you spent zero time away from your kids ever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 24, 20, 19, 17, and 12. We have never taken a vacation without them. I am not a martyr. I just have no desire to go on vacation without my kids and neither does my husband. We do lots of date nights. We sail together. We work out together. But we vacation as a family.

OP here, I am the same way.
I have never either.
I am less judgmental when people do it when kids area bit older, but I will admit I am judgmental about this.

Maybe you should stop being so judgmental of other people's choices and support other mothers. What is wrong with wanting some time away from kids, to reconnect with your spouse?

I think it says sometime when a mom can leave a BABY for EIGHT days.
Why not reconnect over dinner or a weekend trip. Again, this suggests coping issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 24, 20, 19, 17, and 12. We have never taken a vacation without them. I am not a martyr. I just have no desire to go on vacation without my kids and neither does my husband. We do lots of date nights. We sail together. We work out together. But we vacation as a family.

OP here, I am the same way.
I have never either.
I am less judgmental when people do it when kids area bit older, but I will admit I am judgmental about this.

Maybe you should stop being so judgmental of other people's choices and support other mothers. What is wrong with wanting some time away from kids, to reconnect with your spouse?

Anonymous wrote:We went away when my first was four months old. Best decision ever..I was really post partum anxious and this was the perfect trip to recharge and relax. I came back happy and well rested and over my post partum issues. I had my MIL and also hired a professional baby nurse. No regrets and no divorce. Do I care if someone wants to judge..nope as I am sure there are things I would want to judge other people on..try as I do to not judge..it happens.

Maybe my SIL had anxiety too. I never thought she was anxious, but she always did have trouble coping.

We went away when my first was four months old. Best decision ever..I was really post partum anxious and this was the perfect trip to recharge and relax. I came back happy and well rested and over my post partum issues. I had my MIL and also hired a professional baby nurse. No regrets and no divorce. Do I care if someone wants to judge..nope as I am sure there are things I would want to judge other people on..try as I do to not judge..it happens.

I never felt comfortable leaving mine to go on vacation with my husband. And then one day I woke up and was ready. So I told my husband that if he was up for it, I would plan us a vacation just the two of us. He admitted that he wasn't ready to leave her with someone else for us to go on vacation. Ha!

We left DD with my rents for five days to go skiing in 2011. She was 23 myths at the time. We left her(now 4) for 3 days this past April to go to my FIL's memorial.

I don't think there's anything wrong per se with parents taking vacations without their kids. Getting to stay with grandma and grandpa or other relatives can be really great for kids in a lot of ways and some wonderful bonding time. I loved the time I spent alone with my grandparents as a kid.

But I do think three or four months is too young to leave for a week, and I do think that it's not fair to expect an elderly widow to care for two small children for that long.