Anonymous
06/10/2013 11:31
Subject: DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult
OP - why don't you try this:
"Hi darling, I know it's been really tough on you - all these years having to cope with the kids and house without me being there. And the storms and basement flooding was a lot for you to have to deal with. You did deserve to spend some money on yourself, and I'm glad you did. Let's get the system sorted out now with the savings we have in our joint account."
Then stop being such a jerk.
"Hi darling, I know it's been really tough on you - all these years having to cope with the kids and house without me being there. And the storms and basement flooding was a lot for you to have to deal with. You did deserve to spend some money on yourself, and I'm glad you did. Let's get the system sorted out now with the savings we have in our joint account."
Then stop being such a jerk.
Anonymous
06/10/2013 11:26
Subject: DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult
Here's where I'm getting lost...isn't it her house too? Doesn't she have a vested interest in getting a backup system installed? If she has the $5K and there is no other money for home improvement, then what is her suggestion as to how to pay for the back up system?
Anonymous
06/10/2013 11:24
Subject: DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult
The price of marrying a Princess...
Anonymous
06/10/2013 11:20
Subject: DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So, I am stationed overseas on a 3-year assignment. Last summer, during one of the rain storms, derecho or whatver it was that happened our basement flooded due to power failure. Our sump pumps stopped working and the basement flooded. Luckily our insurance paid to repair the finished basement.
However, DW is now complaining with the summer storm season coming on that this being the Washington area where power failures seem to be de rigeur for even the smallest thunderstorm, that our basement will inevitably flood when the power goes out yet again. She wants to install a backup system. I agree, but the question comes down to how to pay for it. I know for a fact that she took at least $5K from the insurance payout and squirreled it away in her own account. When I raise with her that this money can be used to pay for the backup system, she cried this is her "compensation." So, at this point I am basically saying that I agree we need a backup system, but that the responsibility for paying for it needs to come out of that remainder of insurance money because "that is what it is for." If the basement floods again, she will need to accept responsibility.
Frankly, I do not understand her thinking that this insurance money is her "compensation." However, she either needs to decide whether she wants to keep that money - which is not hers to begin with - or whether she wants to prevent the basement from flooding again. I do not understand her stubborness, but she needs to put on her big girl pants and start acting like an adult and not expect me to cave in and give her what she wants.
You sound like a dick.
He sounds like a slight one....his tone is "jerkish"....but his wife sounds like an entitled spoiled brat. She sis not like having to deal with the flood last summer? Fine! Take steps to make sure it does not happen again. That's what responsible adults do. But you cannot complain about dealing with the flood AND complain about spending the money to make sure it does not happen again.
Anonymous
06/10/2013 10:55
Subject: DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult
Anonymous wrote:So, I am stationed overseas on a 3-year assignment. Last summer, during one of the rain storms, derecho or whatver it was that happened our basement flooded due to power failure. Our sump pumps stopped working and the basement flooded. Luckily our insurance paid to repair the finished basement.
However, DW is now complaining with the summer storm season coming on that this being the Washington area where power failures seem to be de rigeur for even the smallest thunderstorm, that our basement will inevitably flood when the power goes out yet again. She wants to install a backup system. I agree, but the question comes down to how to pay for it. I know for a fact that she took at least $5K from the insurance payout and squirreled it away in her own account. When I raise with her that this money can be used to pay for the backup system, she cried this is her "compensation." So, at this point I am basically saying that I agree we need a backup system, but that the responsibility for paying for it needs to come out of that remainder of insurance money because "that is what it is for." If the basement floods again, she will need to accept responsibility.
Frankly, I do not understand her thinking that this insurance money is her "compensation." However, she either needs to decide whether she wants to keep that money - which is not hers to begin with - or whether she wants to prevent the basement from flooding again. I do not understand her stubborness, but she needs to put on her big girl pants and start acting like an adult and not expect me to cave in and give her what she wants.
You sound like a dick.
Anonymous
06/10/2013 10:54
Subject: Re:DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So what if DW keeps the 5K? You are far away and she cleans the mess. With the summer we are getting ready to have/having I think a back up system is a good idea. The insurance company will not be happy to compensate you twice. Have you actually seen the damage? It is easy to be far away and say...well it is no problem for me...
My DH did this and I sent him some of the soggy nasty stuff. When he saw it he understood better what I went through. It was just a small package, easliy thrown away... not a whole basement.
I'm sorry, but this perspective (and OP's wife's) is childish in the extreme and indicates either that you (and she) are too immature to handle adult life or that you have WAY bigger problems in your relationships.
Why are you sorry? Dont you really mean, I disagree?
Anonymous
06/10/2013 10:53
Subject: DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult
Anonymous wrote:I don't know if your DW is crazy, but I think you sound pretty mean, OP.
And if you were here for the Derecho, you wouldn't be sounding so flippant about it. If I was on my own with the kids during that, plus a flooded basement, I'd want my DH to be damn thankful for me.
I agree. Her big girl panties??? 5K is a pretty small emergency fund for anything around here.
Anonymous
06/10/2013 10:47
Subject: DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult
I don't know if your DW is crazy, but I think you sound pretty mean, OP.
And if you were here for the Derecho, you wouldn't be sounding so flippant about it. If I was on my own with the kids during that, plus a flooded basement, I'd want my DH to be damn thankful for me.
And if you were here for the Derecho, you wouldn't be sounding so flippant about it. If I was on my own with the kids during that, plus a flooded basement, I'd want my DH to be damn thankful for me.
Anonymous
06/10/2013 10:45
Subject: DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult
Anonymous wrote:Is it possible that she has already spend some/most/all if the money and that is why she is being so weird?
Winner winner chicken dinner.
Anonymous
06/10/2013 10:40
Subject: Re:DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult
I have a sump pump and if the power goes out, I hand bail if necessary. Container that the water goes into is quite large and it would take probably over 24hrs of rain to fill it up for my house. If I was not home to hand bail, then that would be an issue.
OP - do you know how much water goes into the sump pump in extreme weather? How fast would it take to fill up?
There are cheap battery options if it would make your wife feel better. Try Home Depot http://www.homedepot.com/Plumbing-Pumps-Sump-Battery-Back-up-Sump-Systems/h_d1/N-5yc1vZbqp7/h_d2/Navigation?langId=-1&storeId=10051&catalogId=10053&cm_mmc=SEM|THD|B|BT2|D26Pumps&skwcid=TC-14430-9491193209-be-1083579386. You might get the money back by saving in the long term on home owners insurance. I agree with the PP that said an insurance company will probably not be happy (possibly drop you) if you have another flood. You can see if they will give you a discount for having a back up battery system in place.
Finally, I agree your wife has issues if she is squirreling away money. In our house, my DH and I do not see money as his money or my money, it is our money. If a backup battery is needed for the sump pump, it should come from the insurance payout you already received.
OP - do you know how much water goes into the sump pump in extreme weather? How fast would it take to fill up?
There are cheap battery options if it would make your wife feel better. Try Home Depot http://www.homedepot.com/Plumbing-Pumps-Sump-Battery-Back-up-Sump-Systems/h_d1/N-5yc1vZbqp7/h_d2/Navigation?langId=-1&storeId=10051&catalogId=10053&cm_mmc=SEM|THD|B|BT2|D26Pumps&skwcid=TC-14430-9491193209-be-1083579386. You might get the money back by saving in the long term on home owners insurance. I agree with the PP that said an insurance company will probably not be happy (possibly drop you) if you have another flood. You can see if they will give you a discount for having a back up battery system in place.
Finally, I agree your wife has issues if she is squirreling away money. In our house, my DH and I do not see money as his money or my money, it is our money. If a backup battery is needed for the sump pump, it should come from the insurance payout you already received.
Anonymous
06/10/2013 10:33
Subject: DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult
Is it possible that she has already spend some/most/all if the money and that is why she is being so weird?
Anonymous
06/10/2013 10:32
Subject: DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult
DH and I put in our own battery backup pump for less than $300. But then again, we work as a team.
Anonymous
06/10/2013 10:31
Subject: Re:DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult
All the money in our marriage is "our money". We may disagree how to spend it but we would have bigger issues if we were keeping money from one another.
Anonymous
06/10/2013 10:30
Subject: Re:DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult
Anonymous wrote:So what if DW keeps the 5K? You are far away and she cleans the mess. With the summer we are getting ready to have/having I think a back up system is a good idea. The insurance company will not be happy to compensate you twice. Have you actually seen the damage? It is easy to be far away and say...well it is no problem for me...
My DH did this and I sent him some of the soggy nasty stuff. When he saw it he understood better what I went through. It was just a small package, easliy thrown away... not a whole basement.
I'm sorry, but this perspective (and OP's wife's) is childish in the extreme and indicates either that you (and she) are too immature to handle adult life or that you have WAY bigger problems in your relationships.
Anonymous
06/10/2013 10:29
Subject: Re:DW Needs to Put on Her Big Girl Pants and Be an Adult
So what if DW keeps the 5K? You are far away and she cleans the mess. With the summer we are getting ready to have/having I think a back up system is a good idea. The insurance company will not be happy to compensate you twice. Have you actually seen the damage? It is easy to be far away and say...well it is no problem for me...
My DH did this and I sent him some of the soggy nasty stuff. When he saw it he understood better what I went through. It was just a small package, easliy thrown away... not a whole basement.
My DH did this and I sent him some of the soggy nasty stuff. When he saw it he understood better what I went through. It was just a small package, easliy thrown away... not a whole basement.