Anonymous
Post 06/06/2013 16:29     Subject: Pre-teens and birth control
Anonymous wrote:I am in somewhat of a mentor role for a single mom (wanda)who had her daughter (Sarah) very young. Sarah is now 12 and in the throes of tween puberty. She is moody and difficult. Wanda herself had a terrible upbringing, has a grade 9 education, and while she is 'stable' just getting through a day is challenging for her as there always seems to be some crisis. Her parenting skills are lacking but she and Sarah have both in counseling and working with a family counselor to try and improve things at home. Wanda however doesn't see at all how her actions impact how Sarah acts so she is adamant that Sarah is just being bad and needs to be good. She recently decided that the mood swings must be a hormonal imbalance and she wants to put her on birth control. I encouraged her to make an appointment with her doctor to discuss it but I am wondering if anyone else has put a tween on birth control? Are there any long term effects from starting on birth control this young? Are BCP likely to help mood swings that are related to puberty and inconsistent / ineffective parenting?


Why are you so anti-birth control? I've been on birth control since I was 13 due to bad menstrual cramps. At what age did her mother give birth? If it was young, it is very likely she will follow in her mother's footsteps. The best thing you can do to help this girl is keep her from getting pregnant and help her graduate highschool. I would be very careful taking this child into your home. May not be all sunshine and roses this summer. Especially if you are not a legal guardian, just a "mentor". Whatever that means.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2013 17:21     Subject: Pre-teens and birth control
Anonymous wrote:
I have tried to get Wanda to put Sarah in activities - including offering to pay without success. The two times I signed her up for something, Wanda only took her once or twice out of the whole duration of the program. She saw taking Sarah to activities as rewarding her and so would only take her if she was good all week. Seeing as Sarah was almost never good all week, she didn't go.


Hmm. You may have already considered this, but what about getting Sarah into extracurricular activities that require less investment from Wanda such as afterschool sports where she could take the school bus home afterwards? Drama club, school band/orchestra, etc.... It seems like rolling it into Sarah's school day so it presents as a "package" with her education might help. Activities should help with the cranky adolescent attitude, build self-esteem and confidence, and burn off extra energy.

It sounds as though you are already acting as a "Big Sister" to Sarah and it is wonderful that she has someone in her life to support her in that way. I'm glad to hear social workers are involved; it definitely sounds like Wanda needs the support.

Also, is there a community center like Latin American Youth Center or Friendship House nearby? That might be a nice thing to get Sarah involved in and perhaps something that would be seen less as a "reward."
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2013 16:53     Subject: Pre-teens and birth control
Op here. There are already counselors and social workers involved - it is taking a village! I talked to Wanda last night and it turns out it was a social worker who told Wanda that the mood swings might be hormonal and that Wanda should talk to her doctor about putting Sarah on the pill. Wanda was the one who had the idea to give her her own pills.

I mentioned that sometimes the pill can make moods worse so not to give her any and that the doctor would have to decide what kind was best as some kinds could make it worse...(in the hopes she wouldn't give her any). That seemed to make her reconsider as she doesn't want to make them worse.

I have tried to get Wanda to put Sarah in activities - including offering to pay without success. The two times I signed her up for something, Wanda only took her once or twice out of the whole duration of the program. She saw taking Sarah to activities as rewarding her and so would only take her if she was good all week. Seeing as Sarah was almost never good all week, she didn't go.

Sarah is coming to stay with me for the summer, and will definitely not be on birth control pills while with me so I think this issue has been put on hold until fall.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2013 16:21     Subject: Pre-teens and birth control
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the added insights.

I personally agree that Sarah's moodiness is within the realm of normal teen issues and much of the problem lies with Wanda. Wanda however had no parenting modeling herself and has only really gotten her own life together in the past 3 years. She has worked really hard at being a good parent recently however given her past, and her rate of learning and progress, becoming a great parent will take decades. She is trying and asking questions and getting help but the putting it into practice when Sarah is giving her attitude is definitely a work in progress. Sarah knows what buttons to press and can be pretty mouthy but in a very young, immature way - she is a very young 12.

If Sarah being on BCPs did improve her moods then it would benefit all of them as there would be less conflict, and fewer consequences for Sarah (who is always in trouble). My fear though is that Wanda has convinced herself that the moodiness is hormone / menstrual related and that if the BCPs don't improve her mood...then what?

Sarah is anemic so maybe potentially the BCPs could help with that as well (although the anemia is long standing and not from blood loss).

Obviously a doctor needs to be involved however Wanda doesn't trust really anyone and feels she knows Sarah much better than a doctor who only sees her on rare occasion. She knows she has to see a doctor to get a prescription, she just thinks if she can tell the doctor that they tried the pills and it worked, the doctor will take her seriously and understand.


Sarah doesn't sound too different from my twelve-year old. It's a difficult age. Keeping her active and busy helps a lot with the moodiness.

I'd really suggest seeing if you can't connect Wanda with a social worker to get some advice from an experienced professional who can connect her to various services. Perhaps the family counselor can help with some of this as well. It also sounds to me like the child could really benefit from a center with programs for at-risk youth. The ones I am familiar with are all in DC but perhaps getting Sarah involved with Big Brothers Big Sisters might be a really good thing for this family.

Turning Point is a transitional living center for single mothers in DC, run by the Salvation Army, and it sounds like Wanda faces similar challenges to those that some of the women they serve do. You might consider calling them and asking them if they can connect you to services that might help Wanda in her community.

Unfortunately, I don't really know anything about the ramifications of taking birth control so young. I wouldn't recommend it, certainly, and especially not the way Wanda plans to do it. I switched birth control several times before I found a type that worked well for me. That being said, I think that the birth control is the least of the problems here, based on your comments.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2013 14:42     Subject: Pre-teens and birth control
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
medicating a child with prescription medications is child abuse.


I assume you mean using her meds on her child. Giving a child the child's meds is appropriate. But the Dr has to prescribe it for the child. This is not the case in the thread, I understand.



yes, obviously, giving drugs prescribed by a doctor for a medical condition that a doctor finds is not child abuse, frankly I am surprised I have to clarify this. actually, in some cases not giving drugs prescribged by a doctor can be child abuse, like if your child has diabetes and you refuse to treat the child with insuline (happened to poeple I know, doctors reported them to child protection service). my child has epilepsy, and we give her drugs every day, as her doctor prescribed.

this case is about a woman taking medications prescribed to her, and giving said medications to her child. this is abuse. woman has no interest in having child see by a doctor to determine whether child needs medications (or maybe other medications for a different condition). based on OP's account, this woman is unable to parent a child, and in order not to face her shortcomings and maybe get help with counseling, she tries to medicate the child to make her more docile. this is abuse, and very dangerous. drugs have side effects, even very serious, need to be given only when necessary and the pros are better than the cons, and under medical supervision. they cannot be a way to parent a child. have you heard of people putting alcohol in the milk for infants so they sleep or cry less? is that OK? this is the same thing.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2013 07:06     Subject: Pre-teens and birth control
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
medicating a child with prescription medications is child abuse.


I assume you mean using her meds on her child. Giving a child the child's meds is appropriate. But the Dr has to prescribe it for the child. This is not the case in the thread, I understand.

Anonymous
Post 06/03/2013 22:41     Subject: Pre-teens and birth control
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the added insights.

I personally agree that Sarah's moodiness is within the realm of normal teen issues and much of the problem lies with Wanda. Wanda however had no parenting modeling herself and has only really gotten her own life together in the past 3 years. She has worked really hard at being a good parent recently however given her past, and her rate of learning and progress, becoming a great parent will take decades. She is trying and asking questions and getting help but the putting it into practice when Sarah is giving her attitude is definitely a work in progress. Sarah knows what buttons to press and can be pretty mouthy but in a very young, immature way - she is a very young 12.

If Sarah being on BCPs did improve her moods then it would benefit all of them as there would be less conflict, and fewer consequences for Sarah (who is always in trouble). My fear though is that Wanda has convinced herself that the moodiness is hormone / menstrual related and that if the BCPs don't improve her mood...then what?

Sarah is anemic so maybe potentially the BCPs could help with that as well (although the anemia is long standing and not from blood loss).

Obviously a doctor needs to be involved however Wanda doesn't trust really anyone and feels she knows Sarah much better than a doctor who only sees her on rare occasion. She knows she has to see a doctor to get a prescription, she just thinks if she can tell the doctor that they tried the pills and it worked, the doctor will take her seriously and understand.


medicating a child with prescription medications is child abuse. this person is trying to medicate the child to cover for her inability to parent. the fact that she had a hard life herself and no parenting models is no excuse to let this happen. she does not trust doctors simply because she knows a doctor would discover her lie, that the child is not the problem but that she is the problem. also, if a doctor is told that she has given birth control to the child, I believe the doctor has a duty to report her. her behavior is very dangerous, when the birth control does not work, she will go to antidepressant, or valium or other stuff. unfortunaterly i had direct experience with a similar situation, a mother who had serious behaviora problems and distroyed her family (H left first, and 3 girls they all left expect the last one, who survived by going to boarding school - mother is simply a person impossible to live with, she does not realizes it but she is really mentally abusive - she could not face her issues, but convinced herslef that in her H's famnily there was mental illness and that her H and daughters were all mentally ill. the last one, the only one who did not leave her, she gave her antidepressant when the child was 14 - the mother was convionced that the child's emotional issues were not due to the mother's behavior and to the situation (no father, no sisters), but to depression and she gave the child tons of antidepressants that were prescribed by doctors for the mother. luckily the child knew better, and after moving to the boarding school where her mother could not put the drugs in her mouth, started throwing them in the garbage while telling the mother that she was taking them.

the phrase in bold is very troubling. you cannot medicate a child who does not need the drug just because so she is tamer. from wehat you say the problem is the mother and she needs tro be helped to face it and to overcome it with counseling. in any case, the child must be protected
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2013 04:08     Subject: Pre-teens and birth control
Well I'll say that taking BCPs made me extremely moody, mostly weepy, as a late 20's woman. Personally, I stay away from them.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2013 00:47     Subject: Pre-teens and birth control
OP here. Thanks for the added insights.

I personally agree that Sarah's moodiness is within the realm of normal teen issues and much of the problem lies with Wanda. Wanda however had no parenting modeling herself and has only really gotten her own life together in the past 3 years. She has worked really hard at being a good parent recently however given her past, and her rate of learning and progress, becoming a great parent will take decades. She is trying and asking questions and getting help but the putting it into practice when Sarah is giving her attitude is definitely a work in progress. Sarah knows what buttons to press and can be pretty mouthy but in a very young, immature way - she is a very young 12.

If Sarah being on BCPs did improve her moods then it would benefit all of them as there would be less conflict, and fewer consequences for Sarah (who is always in trouble). My fear though is that Wanda has convinced herself that the moodiness is hormone / menstrual related and that if the BCPs don't improve her mood...then what?

Sarah is anemic so maybe potentially the BCPs could help with that as well (although the anemia is long standing and not from blood loss).

Obviously a doctor needs to be involved however Wanda doesn't trust really anyone and feels she knows Sarah much better than a doctor who only sees her on rare occasion. She knows she has to see a doctor to get a prescription, she just thinks if she can tell the doctor that they tried the pills and it worked, the doctor will take her seriously and understand.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2013 14:29     Subject: Pre-teens and birth control
My friend has a daughter who was 12 when she first started taking BCP that were prescribed by her pediatrician to help control her horrible cramps and bleeding. On the plus side, her monthly moodiness and brooding went away too!

I can see no harm here to this girl taking BCP at this age. The fact that her mother was so young when she had her is also a consideration. I was a middle school teacher and had too many students over the years get pregnant and have babies at such a young age. There's nothing wrong with an ounce of prevention.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2013 14:07     Subject: Re:Pre-teens and birth control
My youngish teen ended up on OCPs to control very very severe menstrual bleeding (to point of anemia and iron deficiency) as a last resort, it helped for sure to regulate and lessen her periods. But the down sides were weight gain and increased moodiness if anything. I would strongly concur that constitutes a huge mistake for the mother to put her daughter on her own OCPs to treat "moodiness" that is likely within the normal spectrum of teen behavior, likely made worse by what sounds like inconsistent and stressed parenting.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2013 12:58     Subject: Pre-teens and birth control
Anonymous wrote:Birth control to control moodiness??? I find that when I'm on birth control, I feel MORE moodiness and more PMS symptoms.


This. I was put on BC when I was 13 because my mother was too lazy to take me to a dermatologist and the pediatrician was only willing to prescribe hormonal BC for acne. It made me feel way way moodier, and I gained a lot of weight. I felt very uncomfortable on the pill at that age. As an adult, no problems.

And to those who say MYOB, I'd say putting a child on a medication for no medical reason and the purpose of parental convenience constitutes abuse.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2013 12:48     Subject: Pre-teens and birth control
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wanda thinks now the mood swings are menstrual related. She says the mood swings are worse in the two weeks before her period...and that is why she is thinking that birth control would help if the mood swings are hormonal.

She would need to see a doctor to get her on a prescription. I think her plan was to give Sarah her own supply for a couple months (Wanda isn't dating right now) and if it helps then go to the doctor. I told her I thought that was a bad idea and she should go to the doctor first but Wanda doesn't feel Sarah's doctor listens or makes good decisions.

Lets say the mood swings are menstrual related - would the pros of controlling mood swings with BCP outweigh the cons/risks of BCP?


this mother sounds like she has no clue how to raise a daughter. been a tween, growing up, having the period are normal facts of life women do not need to be medicated for (unless this is one of those rare cases where there is a mental problem, but then a doctor needs to treat it, not a clueless person whith a 9th grade education). it sounds like she does not know how to raise her daughter, gets defensive (everything is her child's fault and the child just need to be good) and try to medicate the child instead of learn how to parent. the idea of giving the drug to the child as a test, without even seeing a doctor, is especially bad. I would even consider if you should report it to child protective services or the counselor or somebody else. if the mother talked to you, you should rally be clear that giving prescription drugs to a child is really really a bad idea
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2013 19:40     Subject: Re:Pre-teens and birth control
Lots of complicated questions here. Good of OP to be a mentor and to become involved when s/he doesn't have to.

I seem to remember in my early teenage years back in the '80's that some girls were put on bcps to control acne. Does that still happen, and when? Same kind of idea. Helping teenagers in one area while crashing into another issue entirely.
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2013 19:24     Subject: Pre-teens and birth control
Anonymous wrote:
Lets say the mood swings are menstrual related - would the pros of controlling mood swings with BCP outweigh the cons/risks of BCP?


OP, this is 16:21 again. Maybe you could persuade Wanda to keep a daily diary of Sarah's moods?

There is apparently a condition called premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), which "causes extreme mood shifts that can disrupt your work and damage your relationships":

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/pmdd/AN01372

Some oral contraceptives are marketed for treating PMDD -- for example, Yaz.

I am not a doctor, but I hope that a doctor would at least ask for documentation like a daily diary before diagnosing a 12-year-old with PMDD (!).

If you could use the diary, plus trying calcium and fish oil, even just to delay Wanda from dosing her daughter with her own oral contraceptives for moodiness, it seems to me that would be a good thing.