Anonymous
Post 06/06/2013 19:12     Subject: Re:Do your parents criticize DH to your face?
Anonymous wrote:My mom also criticizes DH about things that annoy her (he doesn't exercise enough, he doesn't do a good job keeping the house in in good repair). These things seem little to me and it annoys me, however since I have no siblings, I tend to go to her to vent issues and while I don't blame DH I may say that I need to do something because DH can't handle it. So, while I don't like her criticizing DH about these relatively small issues, I feel I have to put up with it because she's the person I go to sometimes to work through issues. Sometimes I tell DH, sometimes I ignore, and other times I ask that she just tell him herself.


Your mother is the last person you should be complaining to DH about. You can't complain that she criticizes him, if you criticize him to her. Seriously, write a journal, call a friend...but don't go to your mom. Wouldn't you be mortified if DH was complaining about you to his mom? This is really toxic behavior.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2013 17:40     Subject: Re:Do your parents criticize DH to your face?
My mom also criticizes DH about things that annoy her (he doesn't exercise enough, he doesn't do a good job keeping the house in in good repair). These things seem little to me and it annoys me, however since I have no siblings, I tend to go to her to vent issues and while I don't blame DH I may say that I need to do something because DH can't handle it. So, while I don't like her criticizing DH about these relatively small issues, I feel I have to put up with it because she's the person I go to sometimes to work through issues. Sometimes I tell DH, sometimes I ignore, and other times I ask that she just tell him herself.
Anonymous
Post 05/31/2013 20:09     Subject: Do your parents criticize DH to your face?
My mom does not like my DH and criticizes him all the time. If I tell her to stop she gets angry at me because she thinks she's right. She thinks he's disrespectful because when she criticizes me (which is about 90% of the time she is talking), he stands up for me. She hates that. She also doesn't like it that he's liberal. I stand up for him and we argue. Wash, rinse, repeat. Usually it ends with me hanging up on her/leaving. Sorry OP, I have no solution to offer, just commiseration.
Anonymous
Post 05/31/2013 15:49     Subject: Do your parents criticize DH to your face?
yikes. i know - through some many years of awkward silences and avoidance behavior - that my folks aren't crazy about DH. and i know he's not who they would have picked out for me for a variety of reasons. but even when we were dating, they wouldn't have done the kinds of things people are describing on here. mostly, they've gone out of their way to make ties to someone they have little else in common with - reading his publications so they can discuss, making his favorite foods, chatting him up about his interests and the kids. i agree with PPs - put an end to this behavior somehow. it's toxic.
Anonymous
Post 05/31/2013 15:34     Subject: Do your parents criticize DH to your face?
In 10 years, my mother ONE TIME brought a concern to me - about my DH watching the boys at the beach. She thought he was being a little lax and was worried for their safety. Otherwise, not a word.
Anonymous
Post 05/31/2013 14:27     Subject: Do your parents criticize DH to your face?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have (or have had) a very close relationship with my parents and we spend a lot of time with them so they see the best and worst of my husband. He's got some issues but we're working on them in therapy (they don't know this). He can be moody and short tempered, especially when he gets overwhelmed by my mother's interference and anxiety. But he's got a lot of wonderful qualities too - super smart, funny and warm. They choose to "worry" about his personality deficits to me endlessly and no amount of reassuring them seems to stop it. I think I need to put my foot down, say no more complaining about him to me, and they can either choose to appreciate his many, many good qualities or stop spending time with us. It's just so hard to have this conversation!




"Mom, I love you and value our relationship. And I love Bob with all my heart and soul. This is the man I chose to spend my life with. Like me, he is not perfect. But he makes me perfectly happy. When you make critical comments about him, you are only hurting me and our relationship. If you choose to criticize him, I will end our time time together. If we're on the phone, I'll let you know that the conversation is over and then hang up. If we're in a restaurant, I'll pay my portion and excuse myself. If you're here in our home, I'll either ask you to leave or I'll leave. We'll try again the next time we're together. I love this man and I will not tolerate you or anyone else disrespecting him or our marriage."

Be a woman and stand up for your man. There are a thousand posts here on DCUM about MILs who trash their DILs. It's the husband's job to stand up for his woman. Your husband's MIL is trashing him. It's YOUR job to stand up for him. Do it today.




I love this!
Anonymous
Post 05/31/2013 12:50     Subject: Do your parents criticize DH to your face?
No. My parents are huge supporters of our marriage and don't see it as their place to criticize DH.
Anonymous
Post 05/31/2013 10:39     Subject: Re:Do your parents criticize DH to your face?
Is there any truth to what they are saying OP? If not, as long as you are ok with whatever issues he is working on in therapy, they need to butt out.

If they just criticize because they don't know all the details, just be blunt and put an end to it. It is demoralizing and insulting to your spouse if you put up with such nonsense.
Anonymous
Post 05/31/2013 06:53     Subject: Do your parents criticize DH to your face?
Yes you should stand up for DH, DE, but too much talk IMO. It's completely disrespectful to bad mouth someone else's spouse, DC, etc in their home. Be blunt and short. "Stop or leave." If you are at their house: "Stop or we will leave." Then do it. It worked for us.
Anonymous
Post 05/31/2013 05:58     Subject: Do your parents criticize DH to your face?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have (or have had) a very close relationship with my parents and we spend a lot of time with them so they see the best and worst of my husband. He's got some issues but we're working on them in therapy (they don't know this). He can be moody and short tempered, especially when he gets overwhelmed by my mother's interference and anxiety. But he's got a lot of wonderful qualities too - super smart, funny and warm. They choose to "worry" about his personality deficits to me endlessly and no amount of reassuring them seems to stop it. I think I need to put my foot down, say no more complaining about him to me, and they can either choose to appreciate his many, many good qualities or stop spending time with us. It's just so hard to have this conversation!




"Mom, I love you and value our relationship. And I love Bob with all my heart and soul. This is the man I chose to spend my life with. Like me, he is not perfect. But he makes me perfectly happy. When you make critical comments about him, you are only hurting me and our relationship. If you choose to criticize him, I will end our time time together. If we're on the phone, I'll let you know that the conversation is over and then hang up. If we're in a restaurant, I'll pay my portion and excuse myself. If you're here in our home, I'll either ask you to leave or I'll leave. We'll try again the next time we're together. I love this man and I will not tolerate you or anyone else disrespecting him or our marriage."

Be a woman and stand up for your man. There are a thousand posts here on DCUM about MILs who trash their DILs. It's the husband's job to stand up for his woman. Your husband's MIL is trashing him. It's YOUR job to stand up for him. Do it today.