Anonymous
05/28/2013 15:05
Subject: dcum - please judge away - who's right in this?
~ there'd been enough togetherness ~ just everyone asserting themselves, trying to re-claim individual routines. You said "brief" vacation, but in reality, it was plenty long.
Anonymous
05/28/2013 15:01
Subject: Re:dcum - please judge away - who's right in this?
DH wanted to spend more together time. But adults linger long over food and it does not work with kids.
Anonymous
05/28/2013 14:58
Subject: dcum - please judge away - who's right in this?
Hubby is weird
Anonymous
05/28/2013 14:41
Subject: dcum - please judge away - who's right in this?
Anonymous wrote:op here: thanks, all. i still maintain that no one did anything wrong. i think the person who mentioned small versus big families hit the nail on the head.
DH had a small family and everyone (his parents) do everything the kids want to do, on their schedule. they only see them once every 2 months. when his sister comes along, she generally also follows the kids' schedule, but sometimes goes off on her own. She always mentions how tired she gets of children.
i think DH was acting super spoiled, but he got me frazzled in the car - asking why my very own flesh-and-blood would treat us this way (slight exaggeration, but that's how it felt to me)... But he is like this, come to think of it - he often doesn't "get" why one of my siblings would do something different than us - its on oft-recurring theme when they're in town "why didn't brother X come over here and hang out instead of going to a movie with all of his high school buddies?" (this would come after hanging out allllll day together)
parents paid b/c it was a special treat connected to a major life event for one of us. why did that seem entitled?
What seemed entitled was brother's insistence that he have his bran muffin and espresso at the moment he wanted it. The fact that the trip was a treat paid for by the parents is not, to me, in any way "entitlement" but sounds just fine, and generous of them.
Seems you already see that your DH has a pattern of not "getting" his relatives. Maybe he's from a family where everyone is expected to take every breath together on all outings, at gatherings, etc. and you are not from such a family.
I am with you -- that's just not necessary, and rather suffocating. You are right that adults sometimes need a break from the kids. But the brother who whined about food was being a baby himself in that one instance!
Anonymous
05/28/2013 14:14
Subject: dcum - please judge away - who's right in this?
op here: thanks, all. i still maintain that no one did anything wrong. i think the person who mentioned small versus big families hit the nail on the head.
DH had a small family and everyone (his parents) do everything the kids want to do, on their schedule. they only see them once every 2 months. when his sister comes along, she generally also follows the kids' schedule, but sometimes goes off on her own. She always mentions how tired she gets of children.
i think DH was acting super spoiled, but he got me frazzled in the car - asking why my very own flesh-and-blood would treat us this way (slight exaggeration, but that's how it felt to me)... But he is like this, come to think of it - he often doesn't "get" why one of my siblings would do something different than us - its on oft-recurring theme when they're in town "why didn't brother X come over here and hang out instead of going to a movie with all of his high school buddies?" (this would come after hanging out allllll day together)
parents paid b/c it was a special treat connected to a major life event for one of us. why did that seem entitled?
DH had a small family and everyone (his parents) do everything the kids want to do, on their schedule. they only see them once every 2 months. when his sister comes along, she generally also follows the kids' schedule, but sometimes goes off on her own. She always mentions how tired she gets of children.
i think DH was acting super spoiled, but he got me frazzled in the car - asking why my very own flesh-and-blood would treat us this way (slight exaggeration, but that's how it felt to me)... But he is like this, come to think of it - he often doesn't "get" why one of my siblings would do something different than us - its on oft-recurring theme when they're in town "why didn't brother X come over here and hang out instead of going to a movie with all of his high school buddies?" (this would come after hanging out allllll day together)
parents paid b/c it was a special treat connected to a major life event for one of us. why did that seem entitled?
Anonymous
05/28/2013 13:45
Subject: Re:dcum - please judge away - who's right in this?
It was the LAST day of the trip. Of course it was fine for everyone to split up. Wouldn't you have soon been going your separate ways to go home anyway?
Sounds like your husband might have been frazzled and upset about something else other than food arrangements. I would ask if it was really about that, or if he was actually just upset at the fact the nice weekend away was coming to an end. Or maybe one of his brothers was a jerk to him about something and he was upset about that. But if he really was upset about the food --- wow, he needs perspective.
At the same time, the brother-in-law who kept harping on and on about his deep need for brunch should get a grip too. He can't manage to choke down one bagel in order to spend time with his relatives? And he rudely goes on about how he muuuuuust have his espresso?
Entitled, much? He too was wrong for being a twerp about having exactly what he wanted, when he wanted it.
Sounds like your husband might have been frazzled and upset about something else other than food arrangements. I would ask if it was really about that, or if he was actually just upset at the fact the nice weekend away was coming to an end. Or maybe one of his brothers was a jerk to him about something and he was upset about that. But if he really was upset about the food --- wow, he needs perspective.
At the same time, the brother-in-law who kept harping on and on about his deep need for brunch should get a grip too. He can't manage to choke down one bagel in order to spend time with his relatives? And he rudely goes on about how he muuuuuust have his espresso?
Entitled, much? He too was wrong for being a twerp about having exactly what he wanted, when he wanted it.
Anonymous
05/28/2013 12:39
Subject: dcum - please judge away - who's right in this?
I would be a little annoyed at the hungry brother, honestly. As an adult, he shouldn't have whined about the food like that and just waited for the next meal already! We have had holidays with all the family, unmarried hungry BILs included, and everyone has put the children first. But that is maybe because we are very family-oriented (and French: meals are always sit-down and at mealtimes).
The best plan was to separate, as you did.
The best plan was to separate, as you did.
Anonymous
05/28/2013 12:32
Subject: dcum - please judge away - who's right in this?
I see nothing wrong with everyone going where they want when they want after spending lots of time together already over the weekend. Sometimes it's better for family harmony to do your own thing after an entire weekend together.
Anonymous
05/28/2013 12:31
Subject: dcum - please judge away - who's right in this?
Anonymous wrote:Odd that your DH got upset. They were hungry, you proposed a plan that worked for everyone, simple. No big deal.
This. Sure, your brother was annoying, but nothing to be "furious" over.
Anonymous
05/28/2013 12:28
Subject: dcum - please judge away - who's right in this?
You the brothers worked it out, your DH was being a brat. Probably because he wanted to be on the single life schedule and was taking the "if I suffer, everyone should suffer" attitude to his schedule being dictated by the kids' needs. Still bratty, though.
Anonymous
05/28/2013 12:27
Subject: dcum - please judge away - who's right in this?
Anonymous wrote:Your brothers spent a whole weekend with you and your kids. Why can't they get a decent meal in peace? Your husband is being ridiculous. any why is it relevant that you are all still letting your parents pay for the trip? does that mean the brothers are supposed to eat on your kids' schedule?
+1
Anonymous
05/28/2013 12:23
Subject: Re:dcum - please judge away - who's right in this?
DH is acting like a spoiled child. Tell him to stop or go to his room until he's ready to sit at the grown up table.
Anonymous
05/28/2013 12:20
Subject: Re:dcum - please judge away - who's right in this?
Your DH should really not be upset. His ILs just paid full freight for his vacay. Is it possible he just doesn't like your brothers for some other reason?
Anonymous
05/28/2013 12:01
Subject: dcum - please judge away - who's right in this?
Why would your husband care what your brothers did? have you changed around the characters in this story? Are you the one who was really annoyed? I honestly can't see most DHs giving a shit that your brother ducked out.
Anonymous
05/28/2013 11:53
Subject: dcum - please judge away - who's right in this?
I still don't understand why your DH was furious. Because your brother needed to eat?