My dad is incredibly selfish, When he remarried, I couldn't avoid the cost or humiliation of an incredibly ugly bridesmaid gown. However when it came to the gift which he totally expected, I found a new in box picture album at a yard sale for 1.50 and a vase new in box for 1. Of course he never knew where it came from but I felt better knowing that I didn't spend much on the gift.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The gift is to welcome the new baby into the family.
Why would you not give one? This situation is not the baby's fault. A heartfelt gift from his loving aunt - it's not that difficult.

I do not understand the level of vitriol here. Why judge when none of you know the full story, even OP?

+1. And what is with all the bean counting PPs? Really, let it go. Your SIL's choices have nothing to do with you, OP. Get the baby a gift, which is what you should do regardless of any of these details. If SIL has some friends or other family who'd like to buy something nice from the registry, so what? The world is full of people who have more, have less, deserve more, and deserve less than each one of us.

+1. I can see that it bothers you, but that is not going to change things. Just buy an gift and put it behind you. Not worth a drama.

Anonymous wrote:The gift is to welcome the new baby into the family.
Why would you not give one? This situation is not the baby's fault. A heartfelt gift from his loving aunt - it's not that difficult.

I do not understand the level of vitriol here. Why judge when none of you know the full story, even OP?

+1

Get the new baby whatever you like and forget the registry if there's nothing on it that you would like to buy. These are your nieces, and if you have a kid one day they'll be your kid's cousins. So try to keep it cordial if you can. If your in-laws don't mind, why do you?

Are you bitter because everyone is subsidizing her choice to quit her job? I don't blame you! I would be too. I would buy one gift (whatever you would buy anyway for your new niece) and call it a day. She may need to go back to work to support her lifestyle. Poor her!

Sure she shouldn't register for $$$ stuff but that's not your business, stay in your lane OP, lol.

Buy something useful, diapers, clothes, whatever you want. No need to buy something expensive/unnecessary or follow a registry.

How do you tie buying her a gift whether she works or not.Just because she had a long list at the registry, doesn't mean you have to buy it all or even the most expensive thing.
I bet she'd rather you buy nothing than complain about it.

Registries, especially for a second baby, are tacky, as is registering for (and thus expecting people to buy for you) expensive items. And having a second child when you are living with your parents because you can't afford the one you have is just crazy. Your annoyance at your SIL is justified.

If you want to buy something for the baby, buy whatever you'd like to buy--you're under no obligation to stick to the registry.

Registries are tacky in general. Get her something useful, or a newborn outfit and be done with it. I am the youngest of 6 and myparents didn't have a lot of money (or common sense) but as stingy as my mom can sometimes be, even she said every baby deserves to have something that didn't belong to anyone else first.

Anonymous wrote:You can get her whatever you want. Don't buy stuff you do not think they need.

And, do you even have a kid? Babies are hard. It is not always about saving money. I should have stayed home. This baby and work is killer.

See, here's the thing: it sucks, but you're doing it. You didn't say, "screw it; I'm moving back with the 'rents." And you also didn't then say "oh, and mom, dad, it's not just my husband, my one kid, and me; we've intentionally brought another kid into your house."

To you and similar PPs: no one has told OP not to buy the baby anything. No one. And everyone has told OP to keep her mouth shut, even though SIL's being a brat because it's not OP's place to speak up. The questions are (1) is she justified in being annoyed and (2) does she have to buy the SIL baby bling? Does anyone think the answer to (1) is no or (2) is yes?

You can get her whatever you want. Don't buy stuff you do not think they need.

And, do you even have a kid? Babies are hard. It is not always about saving money. I should have stayed home. This baby and work is killer.

Anonymous wrote:The gift is to welcome the new baby into the family.
Why would you not give one? This situation is not the baby's fault. A heartfelt gift from his loving aunt - it's not that difficult.

I do not understand the level of vitriol here. Why judge when none of you know the full story, even OP?

+1. And what is with all the bean counting PPs? Really, let it go. Your SIL's choices have nothing to do with you, OP. Get the baby a gift, which is what you should do regardless of any of these details. If SIL has some friends or other family who'd like to buy something nice from the registry, so what? The world is full of people who have more, have less, deserve more, and deserve less than each one of us.

Anonymous wrote:The gift is to welcome the new baby into the family.
Why would you not give one? This situation is not the baby's fault. A heartfelt gift from his loving aunt - it's not that difficult.

I do not understand the level of vitriol here. Why judge when none of you know the full story, even OP?

A couple who "tries" when living with her parents and already having a kid? I know enough to know the SIL doesn't need the finer things in life.

Op here. I do know the story, she's told me and we've discussed it, the story is just as I've laid it out here.

I don't mind getting my niece a gift, I mind that she posted her registry asking for stuff she doesn't need (or can't afford) because she's decided to be a sahm instead of working hard for her stuff. Does she really need top of the line luxury items? I don't think so.

If they were items she actually needed, say diapers or formula, Id be annoyed but wouldn't think twice about providing them.

The gift is to welcome the new baby into the family.
Why would you not give one? This situation is not the baby's fault. A heartfelt gift from his loving aunt - it's not that difficult.

I do not understand the level of vitriol here. Why judge when none of you know the full story, even OP?