Close in to DC and in DC, many things cost 50% more.

Anonymous wrote:It's not so much spending on groceries, per se. Why not do the grocery shopping once a week with a list? It seems DW spends more when she "pops in" for a $2.95 gallon of milk and walks out the $75 in groceries. That might not seem like much, but then do that 3 - 4 times per week and that starts to be real money. Ditto on the trips to the thrift shop - $80 once a week, not so bad. But $80 3 - 4 times per week starts to add up. The latter seems to more "shop" therapy than buying things actually needed.

If I go once a week I spend $200-$250 at the grocery store. If I go twice a week it is $100-$150. So, three times $80 sounds about right. We have tow teenage boy and two adults that mostly eat the food I buy. DH and I eat leftovers or sandwiches for lunch most days. We each eat out for lunch once or twice a week and go out for dinner once a week. ONce a month ot Target for the consumables we get there.

Other shopping is more seasonal. I have gone weeks not spending anything but gas and groceries (and the above mentioned lunch/dinners). But then, I don't like to shop. At all.

You can get alot of stuff at a thrift store for $80, if she is going several times a week that can add up (stuff not just $$$$)

OP - it sounds like you are stressed out and resenting the fact that your are the sole bread winner. You might also be worrying about whether you will ever have enough in savings to retire. Those feelings are worth discussing with your spouse (or a therapist).

Without knowing you or your spouse, I can't know if those "other" expenses are frivolous or not. 40 years ago my dad had a similar question to my mom about where all the money was going. So she tracked every single cent for a month. You know what? He never questioned her again. Groceries, gas, utilities, keeping the kids in clothes and shoes that fit, doctors, parking meters, babysitters. They all add up.

Then again, it is possible that your spouse is shopping to fill a void in her life (emotional distance from you, intellectual boredom from being out of the work force, stress from being the primary caregiver 24x7). If that's the case, you need to work with her to fix that and get her emotionally healthy again.

09:53 has the right idea.

What works for our family: salaries (after retirement savings) go into three pots: his checking, her checking, house checking. House checking supports mortgage, utilities, groceries, kids' clothes, tuition, etc. What goes into our individual accounts (equal amounts) is discretionary and supports cars (he can choose a more expensive gas-guzzling car if he wants to pay for it), clothing, meals out, gifts, individual travel, etc.

Anonymous wrote:I am wondering whether it is possible to get through a day without spending on anything that is not necessary. So, apart from spending a metro fare to and from work (or gas) is it possible to spend nothing else? I am asking because in trying to get a handle on the family budget, after the mortgage, the biggest category of expenditures falls into "Other" - about $3,000 per month. About half of that includes discretionary expenditures made for: travel, eating out, "general merchandise (wife's little shopping trips)" and gas for her car (I take metro, she is SAHM). I feel a bit frustrated sometimes b/c I feel that I am doing my best to be frugal, and almost every day DW seems to drop $50 - $100 on anything ranging from groceries, to clothing to the aformentioned "general merchandise." I am being unreasonable thinking she can get through a day without spending something?

OP - we are cosmically connected! I posted about being broke on here and somebody suggested mint.com. I downloaded our bank statements into the thing and voila! We are broke from little daily expensitures like coffees, lunches, ATM withdrawals, etc., that add up to maybe $2000/month!! I almost fainted. I told DH that we have to spend NOTHING all day or else we will continue to be broke and overdraft and use credit. He understands, and we are packing our lunches and K-cups for work, so I hope your DW will understand too. I even utilized the info from mint.com to do a quick list on Excel of our monthly income, regular bills, and a budget for all other expenditures so we can stay on track. I think I am going to do the cash-in-an-envelope method of budgeting for all the extras per month, like Dr co-pays, home improvement, gifts, clothes, etc., so that at the end of the month we can use that money however we chose.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:I work full time out of the home. Other than the metro I take to work, it's completely possible for me to get through a day without spending any money. These days I'm on a budget, so I've set myself a $10/day maximum expenditure. What does this mean? I drink the free office coffee and bring my lunch. I do not stop to pick up anything for dinner on my way home. Today I got a latte at the nice place downstairs because it's going to be a very long day. It was $4. Theoretically I could spend an additional $6 today and stay within my budget, or I could choose to not do that and let the $6 roll over to tomorrow.

I suspect your wife's problem is one of boredom and/or selfishness. Sounds like she's not on a budget. Are you? Do you bring your lunch from home? Do you guys plan meals every week?

+ 1,000

Anonymous wrote:I am wondering whether it is possible to get through a day without spending on anything that is not necessary. So, apart from spending a metro fare to and from work (or gas) is it possible to spend nothing else? I am asking because in trying to get a handle on the family budget, after the mortgage, the biggest category of expenditures falls into "Other" - about $3,000 per month. About half of that includes discretionary expenditures made for: travel, eating out, "general merchandise (wife's little shopping trips)" and gas for her car (I take metro, she is SAHM). I feel a bit frustrated sometimes b/c I feel that I am doing my best to be frugal, and almost every day DW seems to drop $50 - $100 on anything ranging from groceries, to clothing to the aformentioned "general merchandise." I am being unreasonable thinking she can get through a day without spending something?

Your budget needs more categories - why not separate Other into grocery&household (toilet paper, cleaning products....), transportation, travel, eating out, clothing, and Other. You might be less frustrated once you know exactly where the money went. And it it easier to discuss saving strategies with your DW when you can talk about particulars instead of all $3000.

Anonymous wrote:She spends $30 a week at a thrift store? So her extras for herself is $120 month from a thrift store? Wow, way to live the dream, pal.

No, more like $80 - $100.

Of course it is possible. Why not just set up a budget and each adult gets a set amount to blow on frivolous things, plus line items for the regular occurring stuff (groceries, utilities, etc)?

She spends $30 a week at a thrift store? So her extras for herself is $120 month from a thrift store? Wow, way to live the dream, pal.

Anonymous wrote:I am wondering whether it is possible to get through a day without spending on anything that is not necessary. So, apart from spending a metro fare to and from work (or gas) is it possible to spend nothing else? I am asking because in trying to get a handle on the family budget, after the mortgage, the biggest category of expenditures falls into "Other" - about $3,000 per month. About half of that includes discretionary expenditures made for: travel, eating out, "general merchandise (wife's little shopping trips)" and gas for her car (I take metro, she is SAHM). I feel a bit frustrated sometimes b/c I feel that I am doing my best to be frugal, and almost every day DW seems to drop $50 - $100 on anything ranging from groceries, to clothing to the aformentioned "general merchandise." I am being unreasonable thinking she can get through a day without spending something?

Haven't you posted before? Your accounting has always seemed odd to me. It is like my DH who does not want to pay for a lawn service. Its been 20 years since you mowed a lawn, DH. How do you think it get mowed?

I work full time out of the home. Other than the metro I take to work, it's completely possible for me to get through a day without spending any money. These days I'm on a budget, so I've set myself a $10/day maximum expenditure. What does this mean? I drink the free office coffee and bring my lunch. I do not stop to pick up anything for dinner on my way home. Today I got a latte at the nice place downstairs because it's going to be a very long day. It was $4. Theoretically I could spend an additional $6 today and stay within my budget, or I could choose to not do that and let the $6 roll over to tomorrow.

I suspect your wife's problem is one of boredom and/or selfishness. Sounds like she's not on a budget. Are you? Do you bring your lunch from home? Do you guys plan meals every week?

I do not think so. A SAHM is responsible for all kinds of expenses. Food, shoes, clothes, medical, the car, the pets, activities for the kids. It is very expensive to live in theis area. The 4th most expensive city in the US. Everything adds up and everything needs to be maintained. If you live a middle class life here, the mortgage and the cars take a lion's share of the take home and the kids also. Healthy groceries are not cheap. Yes, you can shop the sales -- a full time job for someone. It is a scramble to save and stay on a budget.

Does she work?

See above.

Or maybe getting even a part-time job?