Anonymous wrote:Ha Ha! OP here. Thanks, I will reconsider. The problem is hairstyles with my hair pulled straight back (buns, ponytails, etc.) only accentuate my thin spots (thanks, kids!) so low and loose is better. I'll keep experimenting or just chop it off. And I think my husband would laugh his ass off if I showed up for "sexy time" with braids

Is your hair long enough for a side braid or side bun? It can take some product to keep it all together, but is more age-appropriate than two braids (although I will do two braids when wearing a helmet biking or skiing) and softer than a standard ponytail.
If you are considering two braids, how about french braiding the top on both sides into a single braid or twist in the back?
You might also need to become familiar with back-combing (aka ratting) your hair to give it a little volume and hide the thinner spots.
Gloss treatments supposedly plump your hair, too.