Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, just to clarify: we're definitely not the most health-nutty family we know but due to our specific family histories, we cook at home most of the time, with whole ingredients, and abstain from certain foods (refined sugar, white flour, transfats) as best we can. Cake, crackers, etc are not band per se - I did make DD a cake for her birthday - but our notion of "moderation" is a couple times a year, not a couple times a week. So if we were to green light cookies or ice cream for every day that Grandma+Aunties+family friends visit and for every birthday party, then we'd have a lot more junk food in the diet than what is recommended by our Ped, what we would feel comfortable with based on our own health histories, and even more than what the actual grandparents want DD eating. No one wants DD to eat that much junk food either; they just don't realize that they're not the only ones trying offer DD treats.

OP, if this is based on a specific medical condition, then tell them that!! "I'm so sorry, Larla can't have cookies because she has/is at risk for XXX"

There is nothing moderate about allowing your kid to have something like ice cream or cookies twice a year. That is really controlling and extreme. My niece and nephew were raised like that, and they really struggle now with self-limiting, now that they are no longer "controllable" by mom and dad. They never had an opportunity to learn that skill growing up, because mom and dad always supervised everything. It was very awkward to be around them at the grandparents house (where there were always sweets) because they would be looking for them, snacking constantly, asking for seconds, rummaging in the kitchen late at night. The grandkids who were allowed to have sweets more regularly did not have these behaviors.

OP, I think you are in a similar issue as people who say "my mom always brings gifts and now DS expects them." I would treat it the same way.
"you know, mom/auntie/sis, I think little Snowflake is getting used to getting candy from you bc when I say Nana she licks her lips. I would like her to value your time together, not the treats. Any chance we could eat some fruit tomorrow instead?"

It amazes me that for all the "healthy" eating people claim to do, obesity rates are soaring. The number of fat kids in D.C. was one of the first things I noticed when we moved here. And people don't even realize that their kids are fat.

My kids are older...college and beyond. They ate junk food in moderation throughout their childhood. None of them are even the slightest bit overweight. The kids who grew up in homes where junk food was either "a rare treat" or forbidden altogether absolutely ballooned up in college.

So...if y'all are doing your kids such a huge service by ensuring their lips never touch the dreaded Fruit Loop, how come so many of them are(1) Fat. (2) Allergic to the whole world (3) pale and weak looking?????

I have to agree. That which is forbidden has a strong pull. My food obsessed friends have kids who go crazy with the junk food as soon as their patents are out sight--it hasn't been pretty. We taught our kids the concept of everything in moderation and 9.5 times out of 10 they make the healthy choice. Their friend's parents marvel that they usually pass up refined sweets for asparagus and broccoli. I am a vegetarian, but I don't push that on my kids. Op you need to ask yourself is this really is really about or health or just control. I took a more relaxed attitude, I guess. An occasional day of eating crap wasn't going to kill my kids, and the fun of something out of the ordinary with grandpa or their friends wasn't a big deal in the grand scheme of life. We modeled healthy choices (most of the time, anyway) at home and that is what has stuck now that they are teens. Food is the one thing your kids are going to be able to control. Don't be so unreasonable that you inadvertently create an eating disorder or damage relations with family members. I know too many who have been there and done that...

Its all organic eco marketing bill shit, enjoy shopping at whole pay check

Anonymous wrote:It amazes me that for all the "healthy" eating people claim to do, obesity rates are soaring. The number of fat kids in D.C. was one of the first things I noticed when we moved here. And people don't even realize that their kids are fat.

My kids are older...college and beyond. They ate junk food in moderation throughout their childhood. None of them are even the slightest bit overweight. The kids who grew up in homes where junk food was either "a rare treat" or forbidden altogether absolutely ballooned up in college.

So...if y'all are doing your kids such a huge service by ensuring their lips never touch the dreaded Fruit Loop, how come so many of them are(1) Fat. (2) Allergic to the whole world (3) pale and weak looking?????

NP here.

Wow, what a mean thing to write. Or are you just envious?

It amazes me that for all the "healthy" eating people claim to do, obesity rates are soaring. The number of fat kids in D.C. was one of the first things I noticed when we moved here. And people don't even realize that their kids are fat.

My kids are older...college and beyond. They ate junk food in moderation throughout their childhood. None of them are even the slightest bit overweight. The kids who grew up in homes where junk food was either "a rare treat" or forbidden altogether absolutely ballooned up in college.

So...if y'all are doing your kids such a huge service by ensuring their lips never touch the dreaded Fruit Loop, how come so many of them are(1) Fat. (2) Allergic to the whole world (3) pale and weak looking?????

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, candy used to be made from real sugars. Now a lot of it is sweetened modified corn syrup. Junky snacks didn't have GMO corn in them, either.

So, the prior generations had junk that could ruin your appetite and your teeth.... but it wasn't as dangerous to the body as the weird, genetically-altered stuff today. Food dyes, for example.

Also, in the past junk and sweets were available in moderation (diameter of an average cookie was much smaller). A piece of candy was A PIECE, not a bagful. Where can I buy a piece of candy these days?

exactly. people ate dessert and cooked with crisco and obesity was not as rampant as it is today.

????

Agree, crisco, casseroles made from some type of condensed soup, frozen meals, desert with every meal, potatos as a main vegetable, soda daily (Vess, the good stuff), Koolaide and Tang when you were trying to be healthy, etc, etc. People who wax poetic about how much healthier people ate in the past just make me giggle.

The only real argument that they ate healthier is that the portion sizes were much smaller.

Anonymous wrote:Well, candy used to be made from real sugars. Now a lot of it is sweetened modified corn syrup. Junky snacks didn't have GMO corn in them, either.

So, the prior generations had junk that could ruin your appetite and your teeth.... but it wasn't as dangerous to the body as the weird, genetically-altered stuff today. Food dyes, for example.

Also, in the past junk and sweets were available in moderation (diameter of an average cookie was much smaller). A piece of candy was A PIECE, not a bagful. Where can I buy a piece of candy these days?

exactly. people ate dessert and cooked with crisco and obesity was not as rampant as it is today.

Anonymous wrote:OP-- I think it is a economic class thing and a culture thing. For example -- I think most of my Greek, Jewish, Italian friends always have fattening food around. And, people I know from blue collar backgrounds tend to eat junkier foods/processed foods.

I grew up "generations" ago according to your timeline. But, we grew up w/o sodas and w/o junk food and nothing was processed...moms stayed at home and made everything from scratch.

so, maybe your relatives fit into one of the categories I've outlined.

Please name these supposed culture-related fattening foods.

OP, if you don't want to deal with relatives saying "but this is a special event!" when they're there, tell them you don't want your DCs to associate celebrations with unhealthy foods (but put it more nicely). Explain that the concept of a celebration you're trying to instill involves quality time.

Rinse and repeat on your path to establishing good lifetime habits.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, just to clarify: we're definitely not the most health-nutty family we know but due to our specific family histories, we cook at home most of the time, with whole ingredients, and abstain from certain foods (refined sugar, white flour, transfats) as best we can. Cake, crackers, etc are not band per se - I did make DD a cake for her birthday - but our notion of "moderation" is a couple times a year, not a couple times a week. So if we were to green light cookies or ice cream for every day that Grandma+Aunties+family friends visit and for every birthday party, then we'd have a lot more junk food in the diet than what is recommended by our Ped, what we would feel comfortable with based on our own health histories, and even more than what the actual grandparents want DD eating. No one wants DD to eat that much junk food either; they just don't realize that they're not the only ones trying offer DD treats.

This seems reasonable, but extended family who only see the child once in a long time want to spoil you children. So seek moderation as you usually do but communicate with them. If your in-laws visited and you allowed your children some special treat but then your sister is coming to visit (or you are going to visit your sister), then tell your sister in advance "unfortunately visiting with the grandparents recently, Larla had a lot of special treats, so we're going to have to avoid sugary treats for a while. It's much better for Larla if she doesn't have sugar too often. But she's currently loves with blueberries." Extended family has expectations that they'll be able to spoil children and sugary treats are a common way to do this. If it isn't an option, just talk to the family and adjust the expectations. And give them alternative options. My family never knows what to get for us, so my mom and I have a new tradition. Whenever we go to visit, after we put the kids to bed for the first night, she and I go to the all-night grocery store and we shop. I pick out things that we'll all eat and she buys the cart. My mom likes it because now, shopping for our visit isn't something she has to plan for before we arrive. We just know that we'll do that the first night and plus, she and I get to catch up in Chinese without being rude to my spouse who doesn't speak Chinese. Win-win.

OP-- I think it is a economic class thing and a culture thing. For example -- I think most of my Greek, Jewish, Italian friends always have fattening food around. And, people I know from blue collar backgrounds tend to eat junkier foods/processed foods.

I grew up "generations" ago according to your timeline. But, we grew up w/o sodas and w/o junk food and nothing was processed...moms stayed at home and made everything from scratch.

so, maybe your relatives fit into one of the categories I've outlined.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, just to clarify: we're definitely not the most health-nutty family we know but due to our specific family histories, we cook at home most of the time, with whole ingredients, and abstain from certain foods (refined sugar, white flour, transfats) as best we can. Cake, crackers, etc are not band per se - I did make DD a cake for her birthday - but our notion of "moderation" is a couple times a year, not a couple times a week. So if we were to green light cookies or ice cream for every day that Grandma+Aunties+family friends visit and for every birthday party, then we'd have a lot more junk food in the diet than what is recommended by our Ped, what we would feel comfortable with based on our own health histories, and even more than what the actual grandparents want DD eating. No one wants DD to eat that much junk food either; they just don't realize that they're not the only ones trying offer DD treats.

Well surely your family, who gave you your "health history", must understand that then right? So just remind them you have a restricted diet for whatever your various ailments are and leave it at that. If your pediatrician has your DD on a special diet it's easy enough to tell them that too.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, just to clarify: we're definitely not the most health-nutty family we know but due to our specific family histories, we cook at home most of the time, with whole ingredients, and abstain from certain foods (refined sugar, white flour, transfats) as best we can. Cake, crackers, etc are not band per se - I did make DD a cake for her birthday - but our notion of "moderation" is a couple times a year, not a couple times a week. So if we were to green light cookies or ice cream for every day that Grandma+Aunties+family friends visit and for every birthday party, then we'd have a lot more junk food in the diet than what is recommended by our Ped, what we would feel comfortable with based on our own health histories, and even more than what the actual grandparents want DD eating. No one wants DD to eat that much junk food either; they just don't realize that they're not the only ones trying offer DD treats.

OP, if this is based on a specific medical condition, then tell them that!! "I'm so sorry, Larla can't have cookies because she has/is at risk for XXX"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My elderly aunt brings my toddlers all sorts of crazy sweets so they will like her and not be so afraid of her. I think it's sweet and I offer the kids the candy even though I wouldn't give them candy myself. The relationship with older family members is more important than a few candies that will not make any difference in their lives over the long term.

I appreciate where you're coming from but I had health problems as a child based on the diet I was fed. My husband continues to have health problems and struggle with controlling his food intake, which was largely influenced by relatives insisting "just one more cookie, I only get to visit every X weeks" but when you have a lot of relatives, who each visit for weeks at a time, all those "just one" cookie/brownie/candy really add up.

There are plenty of bonding opportunities outside the exchange of candy/sweets so I'm confident this won't damage their relationship with their grandparents. I welcome recommendations on how *I* won't offend people, but know that it won't cause any issues with my child's relationship with these loving people in their lives.

I agree --it adds up.