Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't need a movie to tell me how devastating and awful it would be for a family to endure.

+1 I have a very close friend who lost her first child at 23 weeks, quite unexpectedly, then lost her second at 18 weeks (that's still miscarriage apparently). Then a family member with an 18 week loss. Another couple lost a baby at 40 weeks - completely blindsided by it.

My feelings? Pregnant women are BOMBARDED with a sense of their risks. You can't escape it. My first pregnancy was just about ruined with fear. That Jennifer Aniston movie about the dog was released with a big miscarriage scene, then the Washington post released an article about how "common" stillbirth is (without differentiating 20 week loss from term losses, without differentiating any of the scenarios where there are known issues vs. parents blindsided) about 1 week before I gave birth. I found these things nearly paralyzing. They absolutely, positively got in my head and diminished my joy about pregnancy, interfered with my sleep.

You can't open a pregnancy book without seeing a break down of your risks. And the fact that people are apparently not talking about still birth? What do you want people to do? I do NOT want my providers to start listing the things that could happen to me. I do NOT want more risks thrown in my face. I have enough trouble with perspective as it is.

So I'm not sure who the target audience is here, and what exactly the film hopes to accomplish. Is it just help for people to understand the plight of those who suffer this? Well, I don't think it takes much more than just hearing that it happened to someone for most of our hearts to break for the couple.

If there is a lack of research into this subject, or a lack of awareness among ob / gyn / midwife / birth providers, then maybe there's use here - but is that the case? Is the idea that more awareness can help bring a cure? Or is this just a parent's need to share grief? I can understand that, I really can, but at the same time, I don't agree that we have to support that. I think it is a net negative in the fears and worries that it causes. So if the movie is there, fine, people can choose whether or not to watch. BUT, if the movie is something that is supposed to drive "awareness" - i.e. simply more people knowing this could happen to them or that more people should be talking about this, I'm not in support of that. Because it's just more forced consumption of all of the monsters hiding under the pregnancy bed and many of us are already having trouble sleeping.

OP, all of this said, I'm very sorry for your experience. I hope you find peace.

There is a HUGE lack of research into the causes and prevention of stillbirths. There has been a ton of money and research into SIDS prevention but not pregnancy loss. The statistics are truly staggering...

I hope you never have to suffer the loss of a full term child like my very close friend did earlier this year, but maybe if you did, you would feel very differently about this film. People suffering from this type of grief feel alone and isolated because people like YOU would rather ignore the issue, pretend it doesn't exist, and hope it doesn't happen to you. What's so wrong with wanting to bring awareness to this issue anyway?

I find it very sad that in an educated area like DC, people are still willing to be so ignorant about some things...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In another "community" of mine (adoption), there was a recent film very successfully made in a similar way that I think this film is hoping to happen. Financial and social media support from its community bolster it enough to get it filmed/produced and then if it is good enough, the excellent reviews help it grow, going to film festivals and many small, local screenings (through Tugg) and independent theaters (like Landmark, locally). This movie isn't trying to be "The Great Gatsby"--it is a piece of art trying to explore a topic that is near to many people's hearts and experiences. I hope they are successful.

Are you referring to "The Dark Matter of Love"? It was well done.

Actually, I was referring to "Somewhere Between"

NP here. I haven't seen it, but want to...how did you like it?

- an adult adoptee and adoptive parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised that so many of you would not see such a movie. I feel almost an obligation to deal with difficult subject matter...well I do it for a living, but I try to help others when I can and if I can't handle a topic then what would I do if this happened to a friend?

There's a difference between dealing with something tragic when it happens to you or a loved one versus spending time and money to expose yourself to a movie that's likely going to leave you feeling crappy. I am perfectly capable of dealing with sadness and tragedy when I have to, but I sure as hell don't seek it out.

Exactly. And no, I didn't see "Hotel Rwanda" or "Sophie's Choice," either. I respect that they were well-done, moving movies, and I'm not ignorant about the issues -- I read the news, I've been to two different Holocaust museums. I just don't choose to spend my movie-watching time watching movies that will haunt me. I have a hard time letting go of upsetting images or situations once I've seen them, particularly in movies. This will probably sound silly to people, but the ending to the movie "Se7en" (and some of the murder scenarios in it) still comes to my mind, what, 20 years later? I've learned not to watch stuff like that. There are other ways to educate yourself about issues and be supportive to people.

That said, just because *I* won't be seeing this movie doesn't mean I don't support OP and others like her in their quest to promote it. If it's helpful to you, more power to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In another "community" of mine (adoption), there was a recent film very successfully made in a similar way that I think this film is hoping to happen. Financial and social media support from its community bolster it enough to get it filmed/produced and then if it is good enough, the excellent reviews help it grow, going to film festivals and many small, local screenings (through Tugg) and independent theaters (like Landmark, locally). This movie isn't trying to be "The Great Gatsby"--it is a piece of art trying to explore a topic that is near to many people's hearts and experiences. I hope they are successful.

Are you referring to "The Dark Matter of Love"? It was well done.

Actually, I was referring to "Somewhere Between"

This movie isn't trying to be "The Great Gatsby"--it is a piece of art trying to explore a topic that is near to many people's hearts and experiences. I hope they are successful.

I don't think anyone here hopes that the movie will be unsuccessful. People have just voice that they personally do not want to see it, for various reasons.

Anonymous wrote:In another "community" of mine (adoption), there was a recent film very successfully made in a similar way that I think this film is hoping to happen. Financial and social media support from its community bolster it enough to get it filmed/produced and then if it is good enough, the excellent reviews help it grow, going to film festivals and many small, local screenings (through Tugg) and independent theaters (like Landmark, locally). This movie isn't trying to be "The Great Gatsby"--it is a piece of art trying to explore a topic that is near to many people's hearts and experiences. I hope they are successful.

Are you referring to "The Dark Matter of Love"? It was well done.

I'm the PP who mentioned "The Great Gatsby" and didn't clearly connect what I was trying to say--sorry--I was multitasking! This is not a film trying to play at the local megatheatre at the mall--they are thinking independent film level. Quality, not quantity.

In another "community" of mine (adoption), there was a recent film very successfully made in a similar way that I think this film is hoping to happen. Financial and social media support from its community bolster it enough to get it filmed/produced and then if it is good enough, the excellent reviews help it grow, going to film festivals and many small, local screenings (through Tugg) and independent theaters (like Landmark, locally). This movie isn't trying to be "The Great Gatsby"--it is a piece of art trying to explore a topic that is near to many people's hearts and experiences. I hope they are successful.

Anonymous wrote:I don't need a movie to tell me how devastating and awful it would be for a family to endure.

+1 I have a very close friend who lost her first child at 23 weeks, quite unexpectedly, then lost her second at 18 weeks (that's still miscarriage apparently). Then a family member with an 18 week loss. Another couple lost a baby at 40 weeks - completely blindsided by it.

My feelings? Pregnant women are BOMBARDED with a sense of their risks. You can't escape it. My first pregnancy was just about ruined with fear. That Jennifer Aniston movie about the dog was released with a big miscarriage scene, then the Washington post released an article about how "common" stillbirth is (without differentiating 20 week loss from term losses, without differentiating any of the scenarios where there are known issues vs. parents blindsided) about 1 week before I gave birth. I found these things nearly paralyzing. They absolutely, positively got in my head and diminished my joy about pregnancy, interfered with my sleep.

You can't open a pregnancy book without seeing a break down of your risks. And the fact that people are apparently not talking about still birth? What do you want people to do? I do NOT want my providers to start listing the things that could happen to me. I do NOT want more risks thrown in my face. I have enough trouble with perspective as it is.

So I'm not sure who the target audience is here, and what exactly the film hopes to accomplish. Is it just help for people to understand the plight of those who suffer this? Well, I don't think it takes much more than just hearing that it happened to someone for most of our hearts to break for the couple.

If there is a lack of research into this subject, or a lack of awareness among ob / gyn / midwife / birth providers, then maybe there's use here - but is that the case? Is the idea that more awareness can help bring a cure? Or is this just a parent's need to share grief? I can understand that, I really can, but at the same time, I don't agree that we have to support that. I think it is a net negative in the fears and worries that it causes. So if the movie is there, fine, people can choose whether or not to watch. BUT, if the movie is something that is supposed to drive "awareness" - i.e. simply more people knowing this could happen to them or that more people should be talking about this, I'm not in support of that. Because it's just more forced consumption of all of the monsters hiding under the pregnancy bed and many of us are already having trouble sleeping.

OP, all of this said, I'm very sorry for your experience. I hope you find peace.

I'm the first pp who answered that I don't want to watch this movie - to elaborate, I don't want to watch it now, when I have a little ne at home and I'm trying to have more. Maybe in 10 years or so I will rent it.


I never watched Sophie's choice or hotel Rwanda - but their themes are so far removed of my reality, that it is not the same as stillbirth.

People went to see Hotel Rwanda. We all knew how that was going to end.

I would not want to see it. I cannot being to imagine how difficult it would be to have a stillborn child, and am sure it is a worthwhile topic. But I have been having a really difficult year, and don't want to see anything that would make me sadder than I already am.

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised that so many of you would not see such a movie. I feel almost an obligation to deal with difficult subject matter...well I do it for a living, but I try to help others when I can and if I can't handle a topic then what would I do if this happened to a friend?

There's a difference between dealing with something tragic when it happens to you or a loved one versus spending time and money to expose yourself to a movie that's likely going to leave you feeling crappy. I am perfectly capable of dealing with sadness and tragedy when I have to, but I sure as hell don't seek it out.

I don't need a movie to tell me how devastating and awful it would be for a family to endure.

We assume it is awful, and those of us who have friends and family who have been through it have observed how tragic it is. And I stand by my statement that I don't think many people would want to watch such a gut wrenching movie. Any woman who got pregnant after having seen it would undoubtedly be affected by it. I got so upset after watching some movie with the actress from black swan where she lost a baby to SIDS....I couldn't stop crying, and had trouble getting it off my mind for days...and the SIDS wasn't even the main plot of the movie.