Anonymous wrote:OP, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt as you were just hit with the news. Please DON'T call the stillborn baby "fetus", especially not within earshot of your grieving friend. It's a loaded term that minimizes the loss of parents with babies born still.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that maybe you didn't mean to sound as much like a dick as you did.

- Not OP.

And OP, I hope everything is ok with you and your pregnancy!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is exceedingly rare and horrible.

Not so exceedingly rare. The article above said Holy Cross alone has 150+ stillbirths a year. That's nearly one every other day.

The article is so true. We hear SOuch about trisomy risks and SIDS risks, which are both SO much more rare than stillbirth. More research is desperately needed.

What is your point? Honestly. This is the expectant moms board. Are you trying to worry mothers who are so desperately hoping their babies are ok? Not to mention skewing the stats - the article says 125-150. And the definition includes losses after 20 weeks.

Are you pregnant?

Yes. 34 weeks pregnant, on bed rest. Lots of time in my hands to worry. As I typed above, my point is that much more research is needed re stillbirth, as it is much more common than most people know, and it gets much less attention than, say, SIDS. I did not intentionally alter stats, I remembered the number at Holy Cross being over 150, and you clarified that it is 125-150. Not that big a difference, to me, since I had no idea that the numbers were anywhere near that high.

Different pregnant women have different approaches to anxiety about their pregnancy. Some prefer not to think about what can go wrong and how often. I prefer to face the fear head on and try not to blink, try to see if there is any way that facing the fear can help me. In the case of some complications I've had, being over-informed has helped me bring things to my doc's attention that can help me. In other ways, it has made me needlessly worry.

I'm not posting to cast a wet blanket over other expectant moms. I know there are other's like me in DCUM who cope by imagining the worst case scenario and accepting that that might happen, and then being mindful of our luck that it hasn't.

OP, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt as you were just hit with the news. Please DON'T call the stillborn baby "fetus", especially not within earshot of your grieving friend. It's a loaded term that minimizes the loss of parents with babies born still.

OP, I'm the first who mentioned your fall and I'm sorry you are dealing with this frightening thing. I'm a praying mama, so you'll stay in mine until you update us that all is well. Hugs.

Thinking of you, OP. Chances are REALLY high all is fine!

OP, I think it's normal to worry about stuff once you hear about it happening to someone else. Makes it seem much more possible/real.

My stepmother got pregnant for the first time at 40 and I got pregnant for the first time at 36. She ended up having twins at 26 weeks, partly because she took poor care of herself and was high-risk to begin with. As 26 weeks approached for me, I was kind of freaked out about the possibility of having the baby prematurely. Never mind that I had no reason to worry about it - my pregnancy was great, uneventful, healthy. It's just because it had happened to her. 26 weeks passed, I totally relaxed, and I ended up delivering one day before my due date.

Good luck to you, OP! (it's also ok to be ambivalent sometimes about new babies - it's such a big life change, it might be odd not to have *some* mixed feelings.)

OP again:

I want to thank those of you who mentioned my fall. I called the OB and learned that whenever you fall, my OB wants to be called immediately and wants me to go to L&D. I called b/c I"m having cramping and belly pain.

Now I'm totally freaked out because of my fall but because of you, I"m getting the care I might should have gotten yesterday. So thanks for that.

If you are into it, send up a little prayer for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It happens. The risk of stillbirth (a loss after 20 weeks) is 1/160. Not to freak you out but it is a reality. There was a Washington post article on it a few years back http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/06/AR2009070602918.html

No one, including doctors, talk about it or the risks, because most of the time there is little you can do to prevent it. I've know people who have lost babies at 21weeks, 30 weeks and 40 weeks. Sad but reality.

This. My sister (who just delivered a heathy baby) lost her last baby at 28 wks. Her amnio was clear and the autopsy results were inconclusive. Her support group was full of women with stillborns. It is horrible but it happens. My midwife practice has patients sign a note saying they understand that late loss happens, often with no forewarning and for unknown reasons. That said, the majority of pregancies have happy endings but there is no point in hiding your head in the sand.

Sorry for your sister's loss, but that does not give you the right to take a shit on everyone else. It is NOT putting your "head in the sand" to tune out the what if's. If you are the type of person who wants to know every bad thing that can happen to you, that information is readily available to you. But there is no need to scare the shit out of people who are just otherwise going about their day. Because you know what? There is a 100 percent chance that you will die one day. You can either obsess about it or, you can do what the rest of us mostly healthy people do, which is accept it as fact and go about your merry day without going up to people and saying "hey, know what? YOU'RE DEFINITELY GOING TO DIE EVENTUALLY." Especially on a thread where someone is looking for reassurance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It happens. The risk of stillbirth (a loss after 20 weeks) is 1/160. Not to freak you out but it is a reality. There was a Washington post article on it a few years back http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/06/AR2009070602918.html

No one, including doctors, talk about it or the risks, because most of the time there is little you can do to prevent it. I've know people who have lost babies at 21weeks, 30 weeks and 40 weeks. Sad but reality.

This. My sister (who just delivered a heathy baby) lost her last baby at 28 wks. Her amnio was clear and the autopsy results were inconclusive. Her support group was full of women with stillborns. It is horrible but it happens. My midwife practice has patients sign a note saying they understand that late loss happens, often with no forewarning and for unknown reasons. That said, the majority of pregancies have happy endings but there is no point in hiding your head in the sand.

Okay, yes, I acknowledge I could have a child who is stillborn. I acknowledge I could die in labor. I acknowledge if I get in my car this afternoon, an idiot driver could plow into me and kill me. I acknowledge a million bad things in the world can happen to me. Doesn't mean I'm going to drive myself absolutely bonkers stressing over every last one of them as if the odds of them happening to me are 90/100.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It happens. The risk of stillbirth (a loss after 20 weeks) is 1/160. Not to freak you out but it is a reality. There was a Washington post article on it a few years back http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/06/AR2009070602918.html

No one, including doctors, talk about it or the risks, because most of the time there is little you can do to prevent it. I've know people who have lost babies at 21weeks, 30 weeks and 40 weeks. Sad but reality.

This. My sister (who just delivered a heathy baby) lost her last baby at 28 wks. Her amnio was clear and the autopsy results were inconclusive. Her support group was full of women with stillborns. It is horrible but it happens. My midwife practice has patients sign a note saying they understand that late loss happens, often with no forewarning and for unknown reasons. That said, the majority of pregancies have happy endings but there is no point in hiding your head in the sand.

What does this mean? How does choosing to enjoy a healthy pregnancy and the fact that the vast majority of babies are not stillborn consist of 'hiding one's head in the sand?' What else do you suggest pregnant women do? Serious question.

OP again: Called OB and left message. I am cramping and Dr. google says if you hurt self you could have hurt baby. I did hurt my toe, knee and palm (got kisses from 3 yr old on cuts...so cute!) Anyway,I"m 95% positive I"m fine but I have a doctor, insurance, and co-pay in my pocket so better to be safe than sorry i guess. and the cramping is "uncomfortable" up from merely "noticeable".

regarding still birth: I"ve decided to not worry and be happy. It's summer even though its freezing cold outside, and dagnabbit, I"m going to enjoy it.

Anonymous wrote:It happens. The risk of stillbirth (a loss after 20 weeks) is 1/160. Not to freak you out but it is a reality. There was a Washington post article on it a few years back http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/06/AR2009070602918.html

No one, including doctors, talk about it or the risks, because most of the time there is little you can do to prevent it. I've know people who have lost babies at 21weeks, 30 weeks and 40 weeks. Sad but reality.

This. My sister (who just delivered a heathy baby) lost her last baby at 28 wks. Her amnio was clear and the autopsy results were inconclusive. Her support group was full of women with stillborns. It is horrible but it happens. My midwife practice has patients sign a note saying they understand that late loss happens, often with no forewarning and for unknown reasons. That said, the majority of pregancies have happy endings but there is no point in hiding your head in the sand.

Anonymous wrote:PP again. I also have to say that the article above eventually ended up making me feel ANGRY. The man who wrote it was grieving, personally. He was saying that he and his wife would have benefitted so much from knowing exactly what his risks were. Well, now I know it's one more thing OUT OF MY CONTROL to worry and obsess about, and I wish I could put that genie back in the bottle. Yes, I want doctors to be paying attention to this, and researching the hell out of it, but I don't want this overdose of info. I don't want to worry about every disorder that could befall my fetus. I just don't want to hear it. Information is not power to everyone. To some of us, all this info can be debilitating.

Honestly, yes. There are so many people on this board who are having and will continue to have perfectly normal healthy pregnancies but will drive themselves absolutely up the wall the entire time with their own neuroses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is exceedingly rare and horrible.

Not so exceedingly rare. The article above said Holy Cross alone has 150+ stillbirths a year. That's nearly one every other day.

The article is so true. We hear SOuch about trisomy risks and SIDS risks, which are both SO much more rare than stillbirth. More research is desperately needed.

What is your point? Honestly. This is the expectant moms board. Are you trying to worry mothers who are so desperately hoping their babies are ok? Not to mention skewing the stats - the article says 125-150. And the definition includes losses after 20 weeks.

Are you pregnant?