Anonymous wrote:What is your plan? We are early 30's, DH's parents have an excellent pension and VA health care, but my parents have been hinting that they are not well-prepared for retirement. I haven't come out and asked, but I'm thinking we need to start making plans to help them. They are almost 60, so have some years left to work, but I don't think they are bringing in a whole lot right now. Their house is worth at least twice what they paid for it (18 years ago) but is not in sellable shape right now (and seems to be getting worse since they became empty nesters). What would you advise? TIA!

You say they are empty nesters. Can they rent out a room or two?

Anonymous wrote:What is your plan? We are early 30's, DH's parents have an excellent pension and VA health care, but my parents have been hinting that they are not well-prepared for retirement. I haven't come out and asked, but I'm thinking we need to start making plans to help them. They are almost 60, so have some years left to work, but I don't think they are bringing in a whole lot right now. Their house is worth at least twice what they paid for it (18 years ago) but is not in sellable shape right now (and seems to be getting worse since they became empty nesters). What would you advise? TIA!

Do they have a mortgage? Debt level? Car loans? Smart phones, cells, and retain full service land line phones? The hard thing about helping parents and adults is you really have no control. Do you plan to help pay for their house even if they [or one of them] can no longer live in it safely if at all?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. My parents are in great shape. It's my two siblings (in their 40's) I'm worried about. Neither of them have anything in retirement and both are living with my parents. My SIL is in her 40's, divorced with two young kids, in bankruptcy, and a negative retirement balance (outstanding loans). We are also helping MIL and FIL with their mortgage. It sucks but how do you turn your back on your family?

There is a difference between turning your back on family and NOT ENABLING DSYFUNCTION.
No, I am not throwing money at folks in their 40's who make bad decision after bad decision....
guess what...that is not helping them..it is hurting them to think they can do what they want ...and not try to learn to do better..
being related is not a license for IRRESPONSIBILITY...
I am all for helping when i can and the need is real...but sometimes helping is giving them a referral to a credit counselor[b]

I agree completely but I was referring to not turning your back on your family when the need is REAL. When they will be homeless, go hungry or be unable to pay for their medicine. That sucks when it could have been avoided but wasn't.

Anonymous wrote:NP here. My parents are in great shape. It's my two siblings (in their 40's) I'm worried about. Neither of them have anything in retirement and both are living with my parents. My SIL is in her 40's, divorced with two young kids, in bankruptcy, and a negative retirement balance (outstanding loans). We are also helping MIL and FIL with their mortgage. It sucks but how do you turn your back on your family?

There is a difference between turning your back on family and NOT ENABLING DSYFUNCTION.
No, I am not throwing money at folks in their 40's who make bad decision after bad decision....
guess what...that is not helping them..it is hurting them to think they can do what they want ...and not try to learn to do better..
being related is not a license for IRRESPONSIBILITY...
I am all for helping when i can and the need is real...but sometimes helping is giving them a referral to a credit counselor

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will always take care of my parents-period.

If I have the money it is theirs. If they have to live with me-fine. I don't even like my mother but that doesn't erase my obligation to care for her should she need it.

That is what life is about. If you are able to care for the aging then you do it. It shouldn't come as a surprise, you should expect it from the start. If they don't end up needing the help then great.

Are you forgoing retirement planning and savings, because you expect your children to support you?

I have different mindset than you. My retirement plan is to be debt free, in a paid off house that is suitable for someone who is aging. My retirement plan is to always have a source of income no matter what my stage of health- in the form of royalties and other business income. My retirement plan assumes that by the time I retire...should I choose to, these things called 401ks will not exist nor will SS the way we think of it today.

And my parenting plan includes raising children who have a sense of honor and dignity. If we end up in a tough spot then it shouldn't be a big shock or a burden to make you angry. Your parents take care of you, you take care of your parents. I will never turn my nose up at my parents and I can only hope I can raise kids who feel the same.

Do what works for you.

1) not every parent takes care of their child (read the news AND DCUM and you will find this out)

2) some people can provide advice, information, support but may not have the financial resources or the assurance that their parent will properly use those resources to their betterment and own support...( I know ...I had a parent who gambled away everything he had...which was not much ...BECAUSE HE NEVER -- EVER -- SAVED )

3) every person's situation is different..and unique to their family's circumstances and relationships...

4) your sanctimonious attitude usually stems from guilt of the lack of a real emotional relationship with the parent in question (you said you don't like your mom)...so you try to make up for it by fulfilling your "obligation"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your plan? We are early 30's, DH's parents have an excellent pension and VA health care, but my parents have been hinting that they are not well-prepared for retirement. I haven't come out and asked, but I'm thinking we need to start making plans to help them. They are almost 60, so have some years left to work, but I don't think they are bringing in a whole lot right now. Their house is worth at least twice what they paid for it (18 years ago) but is not in sellable shape right now (and seems to be getting worse since they became empty nesters). What would you advise? TIA!

OP, what did your parents think was going to happen?

I am always surprised by people not having prepared for the future. I just don't get it.

My advice is to talk to them about what you can and cannot do, and when you implement it, make sure that you have control. Do not, e.g. just give them cash each month, because they have demonstrated that they are not capable of planning and budgeting.

We support my parents financially. We give them $4000 per month. We give them money because they are my parents and I love them. Kicking my parents to the curb so that they can learn a lesson would not sit well by me.

Give me a break...PP is talking about not giving money directly to people who have already demonstrated poor planning and money management skills.
if your parents can budget and not waste AND YOU CAN AFFORD $4000 a month BULLY FOR YOU.
Some people have parents that SUCK WITH MONEY AND DO NOT PLAN FOR LIFE...
Does not mean the kids don't want to help...just means they need to CONTROL THE HELP THEY GIVE!
What a concept...

Anonymous wrote:My parents seem set for retirement, but if anything happens, they are welcome to stay with us and share what we have (although my father would be much more welcome than my completely irrational mother, but never mind that).

Our retirement plans do not take into account our 401Ks and social security, etc. Those aids could become obsolete pretty quickly. We are investing for ourselves.

Families have to stand together.

I get why you don't trust SS being around in a couple of decades, but what do think is going to happen to your 401K? Assuming the funds have vested, is there anything other than a stock market crash (or other market related decrease in the value) to be worried about?

Anonymous wrote:I also wonder what's going to happen to one of my brothers, who has always been irresponsible about money and may not end up getting as much SS as he should if he's been under-reporting his self-employment income to avoid paying taxes now.

Unless he finds a rich wife, you know what is going to happen. He's going to be calling you. I'm dealing with that right now.

If you have a struggling sibling with little or no assets that has young children, one idea is to take out life insurance on them to support the children in case of the sibling's untimely death.

My parents seem set for retirement, but if anything happens, they are welcome to stay with us and share what we have (although my father would be much more welcome than my completely irrational mother, but never mind that).

Our retirement plans do not take into account our 401Ks and social security, etc. Those aids could become obsolete pretty quickly. We are investing for ourselves.

Families have to stand together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will always take care of my parents-period.

If I have the money it is theirs. If they have to live with me-fine. I don't even like my mother but that doesn't erase my obligation to care for her should she need it.

That is what life is about. If you are able to care for the aging then you do it. It shouldn't come as a surprise, you should expect it from the start. If they don't end up needing the help then great.

Are you forgoing retirement planning and savings, because you expect your children to support you?

I have different mindset than you. My retirement plan is to be debt free, in a paid off house that is suitable for someone who is aging. My retirement plan is to always have a source of income no matter what my stage of health- in the form of royalties and other business income. My retirement plan assumes that by the time I retire...should I choose to, these things called 401ks will not exist nor will SS the way we think of it today.

And my parenting plan includes raising children who have a sense of honor and dignity. If we end up in a tough spot then it shouldn't be a big shock or a burden to make you angry. Your parents take care of you, you take care of your parents. I will never turn my nose up at my parents and I can only hope I can raise kids who feel the same.

Do what works for you.

OP here and I think the immediate pp might be my own parents I think the recession hit them hard and I will happily help them when the time comes. I want to make my financial choices with them in mind. I guess, for many reason, we should continue to be financially conservative, so that when the time comes we are not strapped by providing for them (as they did for my siblings and myself until we were all on our feet!) Thanks to those with concrete suggestions, and can the rest of you stop your bickering.

I also wonder what's going to happen to one of my brothers, who has always been irresponsible about money and may not end up getting as much SS as he should if he's been under-reporting his self-employment income to avoid paying taxes now.

NP here. My parents are in great shape. It's my two siblings (in their 40's) I'm worried about. Neither of them have anything in retirement and both are living with my parents. My SIL is in her 40's, divorced with two young kids, in bankruptcy, and a negative retirement balance (outstanding loans). We are also helping MIL and FIL with their mortgage. It sucks but how do you turn your back on your family?

DH and I have supported his mother and my mother until they died and continue to aid his step-mother. We have helped out other family members when they fell on hard times. It is our responsibility as family members and as human beings. Perhaps those of you criticizing parents who face retirement with little or nothing grew up with wealth and therefore, cannot understand the plight of those who spent a lifetime scraping to make ends meet. Not everyone has the privilege of wealth. My husband and I worked our butts of to get an education and change our life circumstances and feel blessed to have been able to help out our mothers. I don't understand those who are resentful of helping those who raised you--and before you jump all over me, neither my mother or mil would win an parent of the year awards. It doesn't change anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will always take care of my parents-period.

If I have the money it is theirs. If they have to live with me-fine. I don't even like my mother but that doesn't erase my obligation to care for her should she need it.

That is what life is about. If you are able to care for the aging then you do it. It shouldn't come as a surprise, you should expect it from the start. If they don't end up needing the help then great.

Are you forgoing retirement planning and savings, because you expect your children to support you?

I have different mindset than you. My retirement plan is to be debt free, in a paid off house that is suitable for someone who is aging. My retirement plan is to always have a source of income no matter what my stage of health- in the form of royalties and other business income. My retirement plan assumes that by the time I retire...should I choose to, these things called 401ks will not exist nor will SS the way we think of it today.

And my parenting plan includes raising children who have a sense of honor and dignity. If we end up in a tough spot then it shouldn't be a big shock or a burden to make you angry. Your parents take care of you, you take care of your parents. I will never turn my nose up at my parents and I can only hope I can raise kids who feel the same.

Do what works for you.