Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$18 is cheap. This is not a regular party. This is a huge, huge deal, that the child spent MONTHS preparing for, that the parents spent THOUSANDS of dollars on (even for a less expensive bar mitzvah). $18 is an insult and not just fine at all.

It is the family's choice to spend that money.

Demanding people give cash gifts to 13-year-olds is incredibly greedy. Not to mention tacky.

$18 is a lot for 13-year-old. I certainly didn't have That kind of money to throw around when I was 13.

Not everyone is wealthy. They have to live on strict budgets. If you want okay with that, don't invite them to the ceremony or party.

Would you rather someone decline, or would you rather someone come but give "only" $18?

While I agree that $18 is fairly cheap, it's NOT for a child to be giving to another CHILD. It's cheap for an adult to give. $18 is fine for a friend to give the Bar Mitzvah boy.

13:09 That's you. Some people make much less than you. Some people have unexpected expenses (medical, travel, legal). My point is no one should be telling anyone how much to give. It's outrageous.

Well my 13 year old daughter was quite happy with your ridiculous..and I was happy her friend took the time to join the event and bring a gift. I would never want any of my guests to feel obligated to follow that long list of rules the first poster provided. They may be true for certain families but far from all.

Anonymous wrote:OP, There have been many threads just like this one. Anyone that gives you really specific rules (must be a check...multiples of 18...must say Mazel Tov) is off base. I think it is fine for friends to give any gift they like..football..giftcard..whatever seems appropriate. The fact the parents chose to make a lavish party does not mean that you have to spend hundred of dollars on clothing and gifts to attend. My kids got a variety of checks, books and other gifts..even stuffed animals from their friends. The parents are not looking for you to make a college contribution because your kids play soccer together. Congratulations is just as appropriate as Mazel Tov. Hope he has fun. I would assume you need to provide all transportation unless it is stated,

OP is being told what IS appropriate. Stuffed animals are for babies. This event is a right of passage into adulthood. Giving a stuffed animal is ridiculous.

OP, There have been many threads just like this one. Anyone that gives you really specific rules (must be a check...multiples of 18...must say Mazel Tov) is off base. I think it is fine for friends to give any gift they like..football..giftcard..whatever seems appropriate. The fact the parents chose to make a lavish party does not mean that you have to spend hundred of dollars on clothing and gifts to attend. My kids got a variety of checks, books and other gifts..even stuffed animals from their friends. The parents are not looking for you to make a college contribution because your kids play soccer together. Congratulations is just as appropriate as Mazel Tov. Hope he has fun. I would assume you need to provide all transportation unless it is stated,

Anonymous wrote:$18 is cheap. This is not a regular party. This is a huge, huge deal, that the child spent MONTHS preparing for, that the parents spent THOUSANDS of dollars on (even for a less expensive bar mitzvah). $18 is an insult and not just fine at all.

It is the family's choice to spend that money.

Demanding people give cash gifts to 13-year-olds is incredibly greedy. Not to mention tacky.

$18 is a lot for 13-year-old. I certainly didn't have That kind of money to throw around when I was 13.

Not everyone is wealthy. They have to live on strict budgets. If you want okay with that, don't invite them to the ceremony or party.

Would you rather someone decline, or would you rather someone come but give "only" $18?

Anonymous wrote:There have been numerous threads on this on DCUM, and I've seen posters say that $18 is fine. Some families do not have a budget for $450 in Bat/Bar Mitzvah gifts. More precisely, $432 for 12 events. Everyone in DC is not affluent.

I'm not affluent at all, as a single mom who earns $75k a year. But I budget carefully and one of the things I work into my budget is gifts for my child's friends. And during the years of bar/bat mitzvahs I will budget more for gifts, and when DD starts wanting to give her friends holiday gifts I will budget for that as well as have her budget for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buy the boy a present. Let his relatives and adults give him money. It's inappropriate for his friends to give him money.

Wrong.

No, it's not "wrong." It's my opinion, which apparently differs from your own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jewish parents set up a bank account well before their child turns 13. Jews save money, and give money as gifts for the living. This is why when someone Jewish says their parent died, you do not give them money. In other religions, money is given to pay for the funeral. Jews are savers, and have no problem paying for funerals because they plan ahead. Don't give cash, OP.

So, no one else but Jews open bank accounts or save money? Really?

Not at ALL what was said. Not even close.

Anonymous wrote:

Jewish parents set up a bank account well before their child turns 13. Jews save money, and give money as gifts for the living. This is why when someone Jewish says their parent died, you do not give them money. In other religions, money is given to pay for the funeral. Jews are savers, and have no problem paying for funerals because they plan ahead. Don't give cash, OP.

So, no one else but Jews open bank accounts or save money? Really?

There have been numerous threads on this on DCUM, and I've seen posters say that $18 is fine. Some families do not have a budget for $450 in Bat/Bar Mitzvah gifts. More precisely, $432 for 12 events. Everyone in DC is not affluent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$18 is cheap. This is not a regular party. This is a huge, huge deal, that the child spent MONTHS preparing for, that the parents spent THOUSANDS of dollars on (even for a less expensive bar mitzvah). $18 is an insult and not just fine at all.

Maybe if it was an uncle or an adult. How much can you possibly expect from your childs peers. The parents are not invited, just the kid.

Right. At minimum, $36. I am not sure you're grasping how huge of an event this is in a teenager's life.

Anonymous wrote:$18 is cheap. This is not a regular party. This is a huge, huge deal, that the child spent MONTHS preparing for, that the parents spent THOUSANDS of dollars on (even for a less expensive bar mitzvah). $18 is an insult and not just fine at all.

Maybe if it was an uncle or an adult. How much can you possibly expect from your childs peers. The parents are not invited, just the kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PP! So glad I asked, I didn't know any of this.

I should be able to get him a suit before the ceremony. He needs a new one anyway, I'm sure the one he has is too small.

Does the money need to be in the form of a check? Would cash not be acceptable? How about a money order or cashiers check?

Money doesn't need to be in the form of a check. I usually give cash because I don't know if the child has a bank account etc. Just easier.

Jewish parents set up a bank account well before their child turns 13. Jews save money, and give money as gifts for the living. This is why when someone Jewish says their parent died, you do not give them money. In other religions, money is given to pay for the funeral. Jews are savers, and have no problem paying for funerals because they plan ahead. Don't give cash, OP.

Um, thanks for these tips but we're Jewish and cash/check/present is fine in our (perhaps more humble) neck of the woods.

Raise your standards.

We're good, thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PP! So glad I asked, I didn't know any of this.

I should be able to get him a suit before the ceremony. He needs a new one anyway, I'm sure the one he has is too small.

Does the money need to be in the form of a check? Would cash not be acceptable? How about a money order or cashiers check?

Money doesn't need to be in the form of a check. I usually give cash because I don't know if the child has a bank account etc. Just easier.

Jewish parents set up a bank account well before their child turns 13. Jews save money, and give money as gifts for the living. This is why when someone Jewish says their parent died, you do not give them money. In other religions, money is given to pay for the funeral. Jews are savers, and have no problem paying for funerals because they plan ahead. Don't give cash, OP.

Um, thanks for these tips but we're Jewish and cash/check/present is fine in our (perhaps more humble) neck of the woods.

Raise your standards.