Anonymous wrote:I think you need to teach your daughter to get dressed faster. I would certainly go in and dress my kid if it was taking her 10-15 minutes to put on a shirt and pair of leggings. What is your daughter doing? My guess is that your ex tells her she can dress herself but then they are running out of time in the morning, so he does it for her. If your daughter is worried about her privacy, then she needs to learn to get dressed faster. Plus, call me crazy, but who cares if a dad sees his 7-year old naked? Honestly, what's weird to me is that you think this is weird.

Seriously. In our house DD6 never wants to get dressed. He is supposed to give her 15 min? What happens then when she played around for 15 min? He'd still be dressing her. I am also shocked that people think this is creepy and you think it is gateway to her letting others get her undressed?

I think you need to teach your daughter to get dressed faster. I would certainly go in and dress my kid if it was taking her 10-15 minutes to put on a shirt and pair of leggings. What is your daughter doing? My guess is that your ex tells her she can dress herself but then they are running out of time in the morning, so he does it for her. If your daughter is worried about her privacy, then she needs to learn to get dressed faster. Plus, call me crazy, but who cares if a dad sees his 7-year old naked? Honestly, what's weird to me is that you think this is weird.

16:41 isn't the OP. I am. He's dressing her two school mornings a week I don't think he does it on weekends he has her. I don't think he's molesting her, but it seems overly invasive of her privacy. I asked him not to do it and he said he would stop, but he is still dressing her. She's a fairly compliant child so I fear this is setting her up for obeying someone else (not Dad) taking her clothes off.

If she's taking too long to get dressed, but she doesn't want dad dressing her, then he should wake her up earlier. It sounds like he just likes to cut corners...he doesn't cook breakfast or brush her hair and he throws her clothes on roughly. Have a talk with her about good touch vs. bad touch and see if anything comes out of it, if nothing, at least it will ease your anxiety about it.

Anonymous wrote:If she's complaining about it, it's a problem. A seven year old girl should have control over who sees her naked. If she doesn't want her father dressing her, she needs to have the power to say no and have him respect that. Having her learn that she has to put up with a man treating her roughly and doing things to her physically might make her more likely to have trouble le setting boundaries when she is dating. I would send him an email expressing this. I would them follow up with her pediatrician.

Except that she also has to get dressed in time for him to get to work and her to get to school. So fine you give her power and then what...she takes 20 minutes to get dressed and they are late everyday. Why is dad saying he needs to dress her? And mothers can be rough too when they are trying to get a kid to comply and the kid is being difficult. that is part of parenting sometimes, you have to make things happen.

There is a difference between she has repeatedly asked him to stop when she is dressing herself in an appropriate amount of time versus one time when they were running late and she was taking her time so he said he was going to dress her and gave her two warning and eventually did and she said stop and tried to kick him and he was rough in that he insisted he help her get dressed.

Why doesn't she just get up and get dressed? Is he waiting in her room to wake her up and dresses her immediately?

i would want to hear his side of the story before deciding what was really going on.

If she's complaining about it, it's a problem. A seven year old girl should have control over who sees her naked. If she doesn't want her father dressing her, she needs to have the power to say no and have him respect that. Having her learn that she has to put up with a man treating her roughly and doing things to her physically might make her more likely to have trouble le setting boundaries when she is dating. I would send him an email expressing this. I would them follow up with her pediatrician.

16:41 Are you OP? Your daughter has asked him to stop, and he refuses? That's now what I understood in your original post. I thought it was your issues, not your daughter's. I'd email him and explain all and ask him to find a way to allow her to dress herself and to respect her boundaries.

You said he was putting everything on her? Even her underwear? If it's only happened a few times when they were in a rush then I wouldn't think it was a big deal even if she was whining about it. If he's getting her dressed every morning, after every bath, after swimming every time then I would think it was weird and that he needed some guidance as to how to let a child gain some independence.

The problem is that she said stop, and he didn't. And he is doing it roughly. It's a boundary issue, and he needs to respect the boundary she already put down.

I would teach your daughter to advocate for herself over something minor like this rather than you stepping in and telling dad how to dress her. Talk to her about talking ot her dad about it and asking him if she can get dressed by herself if she does it fast. Pulling on underwear, socks, pants and a top takes what...a minute maybe if she is focused on what she is doing? If he wants to do it herself she needs to show her dad she can get dressed in a reasonable amount of time so she isn't holding the morning routine up. 5 minutes tops is more than enough time.

I don't know if it's creepy and I doubt he's molesting her. He's just impatient, and I kind of can't blame him. There are days when I get impatient with my 4.5-year-old because I'll ask her to get herself dressed and 10 minutes later I'll come in and she's buck naked, running around her room and playing with toys. Yes, 4.5 is not 7, but I'm guessing that 7-year-old is probably doing something similar and he just wants to get out of the house and get to work on time.

My ex is cautious about our daughter seeing HIM naked, but at this age, him seeing her naked wouldn't raise any red flags for me. He's her dad, not a stranger or a coach.

OP,
First, DD might detect something so watch how you proceed as far as asking her about this in the future. I am divorced, and appreciate your frustration. However I learned I couldn't micromanage things that were going on in my child's father's home, even though there's overlap and if he did one thing one way, my child might want to do it that way with me, and it could lead to friction. I would suggest emailing him and asking if he could find a way to let her dress herself, since that's what she's used to and that seems best as far as teaching her to be self-sufficient. Then I'd drop the matter. Good luck.

It seems to encourage laziness, but I don't think it indicates molestation.

I don't think it's weird, my son took too long to get ready at that age and I would rush him along, button his jeans or shirt or tie his shoes or whatever.

And I know someone whose kids took forever to get ready for school, they have 3, so now they go to sleep in the clothes they will wear the next day. I know it sounds strange and some people would clutch their pearls at the very thought. But it works for them and it's just casual cotton clothes, nothing looks wrinkled or messy (think leggings and a long stretchy t-shirt or tunic type shirt for the girls, a tshirt or polo & pants for the boys).

So..whatever works, I say...