Anonymous wrote:Should I send flowers to funeral home of the mother of my son's best friend? I met the woman a few times and the girl was only child and very close to her mom. ?

Yes

Should I send flowers to funeral home of the mother of my son's best friend? I met the woman a few times and the girl was only child and very close to her mom. ?

My Dad passed away a couple of months ago. Almost everyone sent me preprinted cards - I was totally fine with that. I have no idea how they addressed the card. I just appreciated that people were thinking of me, and what I really cherished was when people included a little personal note about my Dad, mentioning something that they remembered about him.

Of course, some people wrote me who had never met my dad, so of course they didn't include any personal remembrances, but I so much appreciated those who were able to say something personal about Dad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although you didn't ask... according to one of the manners gurus it's never appropriate to use a store bought card with a pre-printed message, you're supposed to handwrite the message.

Thank you. I was going to post the same message. You should write a note of sympathy, not send a pre-printed card. So rude. Bad manners are worse than no manners at all.

Your answer shows that you have no understanding of what etiquette is.

Anonymous wrote:Never too late. People grieve for a long time, and it's nice to know that someone is still thinking about their loss with sympathy.

+1

I have found that most people really need the support later, when everyone else has moved on.

Anonymous wrote:Although you didn't ask... according to one of the manners gurus it's never appropriate to use a store bought card with a pre-printed message, you're supposed to handwrite the message.

Thank you. I was going to post the same message. You should write a note of sympathy, not send a pre-printed card. So rude. Bad manners are worse than no manners at all.

I know how you feel. When my mother-in-law passed away, my husband and I received many cocondolences. While I too was grateful for the sympathy cards addressed to him only, I was also appreciative of those which included me, especially from people who knew us both. A death in the family is obviously a sorrowful event for all on some level, and to insinuate that only the husband should be addressed in the case of the death of a mother-in-law because his grief must be the greatest is to attempt to parcel out grief or categorize it, and I just find that to be callous and inappropriate.

I'm wondering how a sympathy card should be signed for my husband's former father-in-law (whom I never met). For his ex-wife from both of us, but for his ex mother-in-law - just from him?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if there are different last names? Can't write "The Smith Family" b/c the mom has a different name (and it's her family member who passed).

When my father died, lots of people sent sympathy cards to me, to my family. I didn't care one whit whether they used my maiden name or married name, or sent a pre-printed card, wrote it themselves, or hand-whittled it from stone they grew organically. I was just touched that people cared for me when I was hurting.

Yeah, when FIL passed away card etiquette wasn't quite a concern.

OP, I've seen various ways of addressing the card. If you like you could address it to the person you are closest to on the envelope, and include the family inside. No matter how you go about it though, they will know your thoughts are with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if there are different last names? Can't write "The Smith Family" b/c the mom has a different name (and it's her family member who passed).

When my father died, lots of people sent sympathy cards to me, to my family. I didn't care one whit whether they used my maiden name or married name, or sent a pre-printed card, wrote it themselves, or hand-whittled it from stone they grew organically. I was just touched that people cared for me when I was hurting.

x1000

I have all the cards sent to me after my mother died. Whether they were mailed the next day or 2 months later. I still read them and think how thoughtful some folks were (neighbors & acquaintances, rather than close friends) who still made the effort.

Anonymous wrote:What if there are different last names? Can't write "The Smith Family" b/c the mom has a different name (and it's her family member who passed).

Dear Friend and family

Anonymous wrote:when my husband died, my (out of town) brother mailed me a sympathy card to my parents home addressed to me using my maiden name...Really!.. too lazy to ask Mom what his sisters last name is?

That sounds like a bigger issue!

when my husband died, my (out of town) brother mailed me a sympathy card to my parents home addressed to me using my maiden name...Really!.. too lazy to ask Mom what his sisters last name is?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. It isn't fine to send a commercial sympathy card. You write a note of.sympathy . It is gauche to do otherwise.

Yes, I'm sure the dead and grieving family members care about whether a freakin' card is "gauche" or not.

You know what they say about death: it brings out the best in some and the worst in others. Some grieving people do latch onto things like this. Not to say that you should concern yourself with it, but I remember when FIL died, DH was really angry that my parents (who are notoriously disorganized and late with everything) took so long to send written condolences (they spoke to DH and MIL on the phone). I also had a college acquaintance whose parents' deaths made the news and she received notes of condolences from strangers; a mutual friend was incensed "on her behalf" at the gall of people who didn't know her to presume to send notes. Everyone handles the "anger" stage differently, and it's often easy to latch onto these sorts of things in the moment.

Anonymous wrote:I would address friend and family, ie "Dear Jane and family"

Address your friend if that's the person you are closed with, but extend condolences to all. Something like:

"My thoughts are with you and your family, and wishing all of you strength and peace during this difficult time."

+1