Anonymous
Post 05/08/2013 15:16     Subject: Is it bad form to ask acquaintances where kids are in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thanks pp. No, I am not trying to brag or make people feel bad. So, I never say where kid is going because I have no idea if someone else's kid was just dying to go to the Ivy and didn't get in. It's not faux modesty. I'm really proud of my kid and she knows it and she knows that I never brag about her to others.


But maybe someone else's kid got in somewhere even better (in terms of outward status or personal fit).

I think it's pretty arrogant to assume that people would be jealous of your kid. Do you really think no one else is as happy with her life and her kid's achievements as you are?

My standard question for these situations is "Has X decided what she's doing next year?"


Exactly.
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2013 14:30     Subject: Is it bad form to ask acquaintances where kids are in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think asking "What are Vivian's plans for next year?" is fine. Asking "What college is Hortense going to?" is a little crass, particularly if it is just a gateway to your subsequent announcement that Friedrich is attending The Sorbonne.


FFS, just spat my earl grey all over my cravat.



The correct response, if you learn that Friedrich is off to the Sorbonne, is "je suis tres desole." French universities are not very good.

http://understandingsociety.blogspot.com/2013/03/decline-of-french-universities.html


Anonymous
Post 05/08/2013 13:17     Subject: Is it bad form to ask acquaintances where kids are in college?
Anonymous wrote:Indeed pp. Pretty funny how she had to throw in that she and her family all went to Ivies but she didn't want someone else to be modest.


I assumed that was a preemptive squashing.

Honestly, people, thinking you have to hide your accomplishments in order to be seen as modest is incredibly arrogant. Thinking people would be jealous of you or intimidated by you indicates a level of self-congratulation I cannot fathom.
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2013 12:51     Subject: Is it bad form to ask acquaintances where kids are in college?
Indeed pp. Pretty funny how she had to throw in that she and her family all went to Ivies but she didn't want someone else to be modest.
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2013 12:07     Subject: Re:Is it bad form to ask acquaintances where kids are in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
It can be tricky to ask OP. My kid goes to an Ivy, so I never asked people because it seems loaded. So, if they say their kid goes to "x" and ask me where mine goes, it seems that I'm just trying to brag. So, I never say where my kid goes.


Get over yourself -- the rest of us already have. And, yes, DH and I both went to an Ivy and so do our kids.

Just ask "how's Jessica/Jason enjoying senior year?"


Yet you do see how you felt the need to brag?


Ah, legacy kids...
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2013 11:59     Subject: Is it bad form to ask acquaintances where kids are in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It can be tricky to ask OP. My kid goes to an Ivy, so I never asked people because it seems loaded. So, if they say their kid goes to "x" and ask me where mine goes, it seems that I'm just trying to brag. So, I never say where my kid goes.


Get over yourself -- the rest of us already have. And, yes, DH and I both went to an Ivy and so do our kids.

Just ask "how's Jessica/Jason enjoying senior year?"


Yet you do see how you felt the need to brag?
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2013 11:53     Subject: Is it bad form to ask acquaintances where kids are in college?
Anonymous wrote:It can be tricky to ask OP. My kid goes to an Ivy, so I never asked people because it seems loaded. So, if they say their kid goes to "x" and ask me where mine goes, it seems that I'm just trying to brag. So, I never say where my kid goes.


Get over yourself -- the rest of us already have. And, yes, DH and I both went to an Ivy and so do our kids.

Just ask "how's Jessica/Jason enjoying senior year?"
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2013 10:55     Subject: Is it bad form to ask acquaintances where kids are in college?
Anonymous wrote:Thanks pp. No, I am not trying to brag or make people feel bad. So, I never say where kid is going because I have no idea if someone else's kid was just dying to go to the Ivy and didn't get in. It's not faux modesty. I'm really proud of my kid and she knows it and she knows that I never brag about her to others.


But maybe someone else's kid got in somewhere even better (in terms of outward status or personal fit).

I think it's pretty arrogant to assume that people would be jealous of your kid. Do you really think no one else is as happy with her life and her kid's achievements as you are?

My standard question for these situations is "Has X decided what she's doing next year?"
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2013 10:50     Subject: Is it bad form to ask acquaintances where kids are in college?
Thanks pp. No, I am not trying to brag or make people feel bad. So, I never say where kid is going because I have no idea if someone else's kid was just dying to go to the Ivy and didn't get in. It's not faux modesty. I'm really proud of my kid and she knows it and she knows that I never brag about her to others.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2013 22:00     Subject: Is it bad form to ask acquaintances where kids are in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It can be tricky to ask OP. My kid goes to an Ivy, so I never asked people because it seems loaded. So, if they say their kid goes to "x" and ask me where mine goes, it seems that I'm just trying to brag. So, I never say where my kid goes.


This type of "modesty" whether faux or not is one of the most annoying things. The classic example is someone saying " I went to school near Boston" to avoid saying Havard. We really aren't that impressed or awed. I


Yeah, really, we can handle it.


So you're really fine if I use the pretext of asking you about your kid, in order to shoehorn a brag about my little Friedrich's Sorbonne acceptance into the conversation? All righty then, I'll be sure to set this trap for you!

(If you think PP was putting on false modesty, then you missed her point.)
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2013 21:12     Subject: Is it bad form to ask acquaintances where kids are in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It can be tricky to ask OP. My kid goes to an Ivy, so I never asked people because it seems loaded. So, if they say their kid goes to "x" and ask me where mine goes, it seems that I'm just trying to brag. So, I never say where my kid goes.


This type of "modesty" whether faux or not is one of the most annoying things. The classic example is someone saying " I went to school near Boston" to avoid saying Havard. We really aren't that impressed or awed. I


Yeah, really, we can handle it.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2013 20:42     Subject: Is it bad form to ask acquaintances where kids are in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It can be tricky to ask OP. My kid goes to an Ivy, so I never asked people because it seems loaded. So, if they say their kid goes to "x" and ask me where mine goes, it seems that I'm just trying to brag. So, I never say where my kid goes.


This type of "modesty" whether faux or not is one of the most annoying things. The classic example is someone saying " I went to school near Boston" to avoid saying Havard. We really aren't that impressed or awed. I


NP here. Actually, I don't think "faux modesty" is what's at work here. PP is trying to avoid one of those traps another PP mentioned. You know, the people who ask you "where is little Olivia going?" only so you'll ask back about their son Taylor and they can say HYP.

Yes to "faux modesty" and that school near Boston, though.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2013 19:31     Subject: Is it bad form to ask acquaintances where kids are in college?
Anonymous wrote:It can be tricky to ask OP. My kid goes to an Ivy, so I never asked people because it seems loaded. So, if they say their kid goes to "x" and ask me where mine goes, it seems that I'm just trying to brag. So, I never say where my kid goes.


This type of "modesty" whether faux or not is one of the most annoying things. The classic example is someone saying " I went to school near Boston" to avoid saying Havard. We really aren't that impressed or awed. I
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2013 15:36     Subject: Is it bad form to ask acquaintances where kids are in college?
It can be tricky to ask OP. My kid goes to an Ivy, so I never asked people because it seems loaded. So, if they say their kid goes to "x" and ask me where mine goes, it seems that I'm just trying to brag. So, I never say where my kid goes.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2013 13:41     Subject: Is it bad form to ask acquaintances where kids are in college?
Anonymous wrote:I think so. I think a better way to broach the subject is just to ask 'how is the college search going or how do they enjoy university'...and then the other party can respond as broadly or specifically as they want..i.e. "DC likes/hates school" vs. "DC likes/hates *insert college name*"


This is a good appraoch - some are still on a waitlist - the stress isn't over YET