You uttered death threats, he physically restrained you. I wouldn't consider it assault as his intention was not to injure you but to move you locations. Abuse generally signifies a pattern. this sounds like two people who got way too drunk and both said and did things that were completely unacceptable.

Rather than trying to figure out who was worse, your energy should be going into figuring out how to never,
ever put yourselves in this situation again. You are worried about the neighbor hearing you. What about your kids?

You need counseling stat and neither of you should drink again until you have figured out your volatile relationship.

OP, he picked you up and threw you multiple times. Obviously you know that what he did was physically abusive. So I'm wondering what you're actual goal with this post was?

That being said, if someone was throwing me on to the ground, you better believe there'd be a "I'm gonna kill you" of some sort coming out of me. Not sure why everyone's harping on that point.

Anonymous wrote:I hope you guys did not drive drunk.

Sounds like they did. Ugh. Op, both you and your husband need major help.

It's not victim blaming to call out someone, male or female, for threatening to kill someone. There are few words more extreme than that. There are few words that incite as much as that. What he did was wrong, too. No angelics on either side. It's not either/or.

Anonymous wrote:

Is that physical? How do you categorize it? Do I tell anyone? Do I talk to my neighbor that saw me?

You threatened to kill him and you're asking if HE abused YOU?

First, I am so glad I am not your neighbor. Can't imagine living next to people like you. Second, I hope the neighbor calls the police and they remove the kids from your home.

Both of you sound pretty worthless. Who gets that drunk when they have kids at home? Really. What kind of parents do that?

He physically threatened her and she retaliated verbally. Nice victim blaming.

Yes, OP. Your husband is an abuser. That is physical abuse. Laying hands on someone should never be a response to words, even if the words are extreme. He needs counseling or you need to leave.

I am surprised the neighbor didn't call 911. I would have.

Stop drinking, and how dare you act like it when you have children.Child abuse not wife abuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Is that physical? How do you categorize it? Do I tell anyone? Do I talk to my neighbor that saw me?

You threatened to kill him and you're asking if HE abused YOU?

First, I am so glad I am not your neighbor. Can't imagine living next to people like you. Second, I hope the neighbor calls the police and they remove the kids from your home.

Both of you sound pretty worthless. Who gets that drunk when they have kids at home? Really. What kind of parents do that?

If I was the neighbor, I would have called 911 and CPS. You two need to be separated and without your kids. You all sound quite immature and childish.

I dont know: She offered consequences. Not an immediate threat, but one designed to make him quit. Since he shouldn't lay hands on her, there is no reason for him to be threatened.

Is that physical? How do you categorize it? Do I tell anyone? Do I talk to my neighbor that saw me?

You threatened to kill him and you're asking if HE abused YOU?

First, I am so glad I am not your neighbor. Can't imagine living next to people like you. Second, I hope the neighbor calls the police and they remove the kids from your home.

Both of you sound pretty worthless. Who gets that drunk when they have kids at home? Really. What kind of parents do that?

You need to end this for the sake of your kids. Who cares about the definitions - it is ugly.

No drinking you should smoke the peace herb.

OP,

That's how this works, certain verbal threats can trigger powerful responses. Can you imagine if he hadn't touched you but told you he would kill you if you did or didn't do something? Sometimes words like this are more frightening than physical contact. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. If you two continue to go to therapy, you should discuss a strategy to make sure this never happens again.

Anonymous wrote:OP - Threatening to kill someone is verbal assault. Even if he was intimidating you. Sorry but if that shows up in court records, the judge will not look at you in the same light if you had used different language, like stop, please stop, please leave me alone. Advice: Do not threaten him again. Ask him to stop, etc. But cut the threats, whether it's to kill or hit, whatever.

Of course what he did was physical assault. Both are taken seriously. It's not a contest of who's more wrong than the other. You can't control him, but you can control yourself.

Op here. Thanks, you are correct. This is the first time I have ever made such a threat in my life. Being drunk of course created the situation. I should not have said that. I can't get over his reaction. It was almost to him, in his mind, a justification for him putting his hands on me to restrain me and throw me. I guess you never know people, even after being together so long. I admit I have a hand here, I'm not innocent. But I can't get over his raging and subsequent behavior.

Telling him you are going to kill him is verbal abuse.