Anonymous
Post 05/03/2013 21:22     Subject: How to politely refuse(or set up rules?) other moms bring kids to use our pool
Anonymous wrote:Long story short, I recently became friendly with a few moms from my daughter's school. It's only been a few months so I don't consider them close friends yet.

Now summer is here and they also have seen our pool in the back yard. I think they expect to be invited to come swim with the kids over the summer. The problem is I really don't feel comfortable with the idea. I have three kids, and the other moms also have other younger kids. While I may be ok with having just 1-2 more kids to come swim together, I really don't feel good about having younger children (under 5 maybe?) for safety concerns. Plus some of these moms are even closer friends, and they always do things together. I can't imagine inviting only one family at a time to solve the problem, but having mor than one family and at lease 4-6 extra children besides on own at a time sounds crazy to me!

I need advice!
Why is this even an issue for you? Just don't start inviting this strata of people over! pretty simple, right?
Anonymous
Post 05/03/2013 21:18     Subject: Re:How to politely refuse(or set up rules?) other moms bring kids to use our pool
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our neighbors have a flag they hang out when people are welcome to come uninvited.

I actually dread the flag going out. I don't trust them to watch my kids and I don't really want to hang out at their house.

Oh well, I smile and act thankful - I bring a case of water.


Are you forced to go over? Don't go. I doubt they'll ask. If they do, you can always say you had something to do at home.


I wish, my H works the emergency room. Drowning kids, up to age 12, we have an agreement. We are always with the kids while they are swimming if there is no trained life guard.


Why would you agree to provide this service if you don't want to or are inconvenienced by it? If they want to put out the flag and invite the neighborhood, that's great but it's up to them to chaperone, not your DH. I stick to the same response as above -- they can't force you to come over; if you want to go some days, great. If not, oh well -- you can tell them you had things to do in your own home, were out, didn't see the flag, etc.
Anonymous
Post 05/03/2013 21:01     Subject: Re:How to politely refuse(or set up rules?) other moms bring kids to use our pool
Anonymous wrote:I think it is reasonable to have a rule that no child swims unless their own parent is present. For little kids, I wouldn't want my child swimming unless I was there.


This seems totally reasonable.
Anonymous
Post 05/03/2013 20:51     Subject: Re:How to politely refuse(or set up rules?) other moms bring kids to use our pool
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our neighbors have a flag they hang out when people are welcome to come uninvited.

I actually dread the flag going out. I don't trust them to watch my kids and I don't really want to hang out at their house.

Oh well, I smile and act thankful - I bring a case of water.


Are you forced to go over? Don't go. I doubt they'll ask. If they do, you can always say you had something to do at home.


I wish, my H works the emergency room. Drowning kids, up to age 12, we have an agreement. We are always with the kids while they are swimming if there is no trained life guard.
Anonymous
Post 05/03/2013 20:12     Subject: Re:How to politely refuse(or set up rules?) other moms bring kids to use our pool
I think it is reasonable to have a rule that no child swims unless their own parent is present. For little kids, I wouldn't want my child swimming unless I was there.
Anonymous
Post 05/03/2013 20:05     Subject: Re:How to politely refuse(or set up rules?) other moms bring kids to use our pool
Anonymous wrote:Reminds of the other poster who doesn't want kids on her driveway. You people are crazy and over think things.


I grew up with two families who had children die in pool drownings. One of which was during a family reunion and the pool was full of kids. OP is hardly over thinking things.
Anonymous
Post 05/03/2013 20:01     Subject: How to politely refuse(or set up rules?) other moms bring kids to use our pool

PP, what the hell is your problem? Are you REALLY that entitled? Really?

NP here. Are you the one with the crappy yard and obnoxious kids that you INSIST on sending over to other people's houses? Because all the neighbors hate you. You may think you are the best bad ass bully in town - everyone hates you. Do you not realize this? Do you not care?

I hope you don't really need anything anytime soon, because when push comes to shove, everyone is going to know you are the needy one who cries wolf at nothing, and they will NOT deal with you. It is just a matter of time.

OP, be sure you are specific. Spell things out for people as if they are children if you have to. They have NO rights to your pool, your yard, your driveway, or anything else.

IF they could have afforded your house, they would have. They could not. Keep the users at arms length. Life is truly too short.

Enjoy your pool in good health, with whomever you damn well please. NOT whom you do not.



Anonymous
Post 05/03/2013 19:58     Subject: How to politely refuse(or set up rules?) other moms bring kids to use our pool
Your pool your rules. If one of those kids were to drown in your pool they would sue you in a flash.
Anonymous
Post 05/03/2013 19:49     Subject: Re:How to politely refuse(or set up rules?) other moms bring kids to use our pool
Anonymous wrote:Our neighbors have a flag they hang out when people are welcome to come uninvited.

I actually dread the flag going out. I don't trust them to watch my kids and I don't really want to hang out at their house.

Oh well, I smile and act thankful - I bring a case of water.


Are you forced to go over? Don't go. I doubt they'll ask. If they do, you can always say you had something to do at home.
Anonymous
Post 05/03/2013 19:30     Subject: Re:How to politely refuse(or set up rules?) other moms bring kids to use our pool
Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up, we had a flag pool by the gate to our fenced in backyard (with pool). We put a certain flag up when it was okay for kids to come over to swim and took it down other times. The neighbors could check or send their kids to check if the flag was up. Believe me, when we put the flag up, we had kids come within the half hour to swim. We also had a rule that if there were more than 3 kids (besides us), that there had to be another adult. My parents made sure the other parents all understood the rules. And if their kid was #4 and they couldn't watch, sometimes one mom would call another neighbor and ask if they could go over and help watch the kids. It took a season or two, but it started to work smoothly once everyone was on-board with the rules and how they worked.

And yes, we had times that we would go out to swim without putting up the flag. That was usually when either someone in the family wanted to exercise and swim laps or when we weren't going to be around very long and didn't want to encourage folks that might want to swim for a while.


that is really smart. we had a pool growing up and OMG the kids would come to the bottom of the yard and shout up "can I be invited to swim in your pool today?" and I would always of course want them to be allowed, but my grandparents (who watched me) would be like "not today!" and then b8tch about what pests the kids made of themselves. I bet they would have loved that idea!
Anonymous
Post 05/03/2013 19:30     Subject: Re:How to politely refuse(or set up rules?) other moms bring kids to use our pool
Our neighbors have a flag they hang out when people are welcome to come uninvited.

I actually dread the flag going out. I don't trust them to watch my kids and I don't really want to hang out at their house.

Oh well, I smile and act thankful - I bring a case of water.
Anonymous
Post 05/03/2013 19:25     Subject: How to politely refuse(or set up rules?) other moms bring kids to use our pool
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My father put in a pool when we were kids because he got sick of selfish neighbors turning kids down on hot days. Best times ever with neighborhood kids, pool parties as teens, etc.


People weren't as sue-happy as they are now.


True that.
Anonymous
Post 05/03/2013 19:16     Subject: How to politely refuse(or set up rules?) other moms bring kids to use our pool
Hefer nobody is impressed you have a pool. Get over yourself.
Anonymous
Post 05/03/2013 19:13     Subject: Re:How to politely refuse(or set up rules?) other moms bring kids to use our pool
Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up, we had a flag pool by the gate to our fenced in backyard (with pool). We put a certain flag up when it was okay for kids to come over to swim and took it down other times. The neighbors could check or send their kids to check if the flag was up. Believe me, when we put the flag up, we had kids come within the half hour to swim. We also had a rule that if there were more than 3 kids (besides us), that there had to be another adult. My parents made sure the other parents all understood the rules. And if their kid was #4 and they couldn't watch, sometimes one mom would call another neighbor and ask if they could go over and help watch the kids. It took a season or two, but it started to work smoothly once everyone was on-board with the rules and how they worked.

And yes, we had times that we would go out to swim without putting up the flag. That was usually when either someone in the family wanted to exercise and swim laps or when we weren't going to be around very long and didn't want to encourage folks that might want to swim for a while.


Your parents sound like awesome people.
Anonymous
Post 05/03/2013 19:11     Subject: How to politely refuse(or set up rules?) other moms bring kids to use our pool
Close friends with pool when we were growing up. They had a strict rule that NO child swam without a parent and we only went when invited. My parents completely respected that rule. Hope your neighbors do.