Three weeks is too long. Even two weeks is long. My mom went to Europe for 3 weeks when my sister was just 2. Sister was left with grandma. When mom got home sister barely recognized her and screamed bloody murder for grandma when mom tried to take her home. I think it can affect attachment temporarily at that age. Although sister recovered, they are close now.

It's ... not for me. I'd find a way to stay with my child.

My husband and his siblings dealt with several months long separations from their dad while he was in the Navy. They do not seem to have been traumatized by it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Four hours isn't so far that you couldn't go there on the weekends. That's what I would do.

Agreed. I'd also take the 3 Fridays off from work. Can you spare 3 vacation days? That way it's just 4 days away before 3 days together. I would definitely not add the 4th week.

Agreed. We may find ourselves in this boat soon as we plan to relocate and we are building the ability to spend weekends together into our plan and budget.

Anonymous wrote:Only you can say how much YOU can handle emotionally, and how much your spouse can handle practically.

But I can tell you from experience that most kids will not be damaged by this kind of separation. I took a few extended work trips (3 - 4 weeks) when my children were in the 2 to 4 range, and they scarcely noticed.

This has been my experience dealing with this and seeing this with other colleagues and friends- if you are in a field where expat assignments are plentiful you often see one parent move a couple of weeks ahead of the family for work reasons or to set up the relocation back home or what not. I think when its treated as routine and not a traumatic event the kids can take their cues that way.

I mean shoot, I have heard of kids who "summer" with their mom to fabulous places while the dad pops in every few weeks and that's considered a fabulous type lifestyle (not for me, but I couldn't afford it even if it were)

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it all sounds very unnecessary. Why not just get a hotel room somewhere local where all 3 of you can stay, and your son can continue going to whatever daycare he is typically enrolled in?

Good grief, not everyone can afford a hotel for three weeks! Not when there are other options. Plus, even in extended stay hotels, it is difficult to live out of a hotel, especially with kids.

I would visit on weekends...although possibly not every weekend. I think I would like a weekend to myself! Especially if you have to work during the week. I would not do four weeks, because I wouldn't want to. If you want to, that's your business. You won't damage your kid, seriously.

Is there anywhere else that all 3 of you could stay so that you can both go to work? When we had a 6-week gap between homes, we stayed with my daughter's dad (my ex) but a ton of people offered up their spare rooms and in-law suites for us. I'd be missing my kid like crazy during that time!

Your child will be fine.

You on the otherhand, will probably be a mess. So for that reason, if I were you, I'd plan to go up on weekends. Leave early friday if possible.

We did this when we moved here from down south...
I was in the south and my 2 yr old was up here with my folks.
It ended up being a month...not the plan what ended up happening...
I called 50 times a day...probably irritated the heck out of my mom...but all was well..
Really -- unless your kid has a specific temperment that would make this not feasible...really the only feelings that are that hurt are yours...as the parent...
My DD HAD A WONDERFUL TIME...and when I came and picked her up she was happy as a clam to go...no muss, no fuss...
Like I said it was not the plan to be that long, but life happens and I consider it a time they had to bond.
Don't sweat it.

Honestly, it all sounds very unnecessary. Why not just get a hotel room somewhere local where all 3 of you can stay, and your son can continue going to whatever daycare he is typically enrolled in?

Only you can say how much YOU can handle emotionally, and how much your spouse can handle practically.

But I can tell you from experience that most kids will not be damaged by this kind of separation. I took a few extended work trips (3 - 4 weeks) when my children were in the 2 to 4 range, and they scarcely noticed.

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you stay with his family?

I think OP isn't staying because his family lives four hours away and while her dh can work from home, she has to be at work everyday?

Anonymous wrote:It will be easier for your son to adjust to his new living situation because it will not be chaotic at first.

Actually, most experts agree that it's important to make your young child a part of the move, rather than just springing it on him/her.

I cannot imagine being away from my toddler for that amount of time -- especially in the face of something (moving homes) which is far more traumatic for little ones than you may initially think.

Can you not rent a place in town for 3 weeks?

Your son is fortunate to have grandparents who are able AND willing to do this.

It isn't like both his parents will be gone for the 4 weeks. He will have his father nearby. Military families deal with much longer separations. I think it will be fine to take the extra week to settle into the new house. It will be easier for your son to adjust to his new living situation because it will not be chaotic at first.

Visiting on the weekend(s) is a good idea too.