Anonymous
04/30/2013 11:16
Subject: my 8 month old is an asshole.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This will pass. Don't start yelling and slamming. She isn't trying to be contrary. She's years away from that. Get some help.
+1. Honestly, OP, it sounds like you need some help with anger. Your baby sounds like a normal baby. On some level the poor kid knows she's driving you nuts and being rejected.
+2.
I am super patient and good at going with the flow 99.9% of the time. I threw a diaper on the floor which is hardly abusive. I do everything I can to make her feel happy and secure and am not even comfortable with CIO (admittedly it was a much easier stance to have back when she didn't cry!). I definitely don't have anger issues, but those who have said I need to adjust my expectations are probably right. I think perhaps I was spoiled in the beginning with such an easy baby and now I need to adjust. People always talk about spoiling babies which I don't believe one can do, but adults on the other hand . . .
Yes, this is the case. Be grateful for what you have and know that everything is a phase and whatever you're going through right now will pass too.
Anonymous
04/30/2013 11:16
Subject: my 8 month old is an asshole.
Anonymous wrote:So what exactly did you think it would be like to raise a child? She's not a baby doll, she's a HUMAN. You can't just turn her off when you're done playing.
Talk to your pediatrician to get some recommendations for early childhood development books. Seek out some parenting classes, and if need be, a good counselor/therapist so you can see past the end of your own nose and be the mother that your child deserves. Because your attitude is toxic and unrealistic, and if you don't adjust your expectations STAT you are going to look back and realize you screwed up some of the most important developmental years in your child's life. Getting angry and slamming objects at an 8 month old is not healthy behavior. Surely you know this already?
+1,000
Your behavior toward an infant is frightening, OP. If your anger gets out of control now, I fear for your child when she hits her terrible two's and gets really frustrating. Seek help for your sake and your daughter's.
Anonymous
04/30/2013 11:11
Subject: my 8 month old is an asshole.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This will pass. Don't start yelling and slamming. She isn't trying to be contrary. She's years away from that. Get some help.
+1. Honestly, OP, it sounds like you need some help with anger. Your baby sounds like a normal baby. On some level the poor kid knows she's driving you nuts and being rejected.
+2.
I am super patient and good at going with the flow 99.9% of the time. I threw a diaper on the floor which is hardly abusive. I do everything I can to make her feel happy and secure and am not even comfortable with CIO (admittedly it was a much easier stance to have back when she didn't cry!). I definitely don't have anger issues, but those who have said I need to adjust my expectations are probably right. I think perhaps I was spoiled in the beginning with such an easy baby and now I need to adjust. People always talk about spoiling babies which I don't believe one can do, but adults on the other hand . . .
Anonymous
04/30/2013 11:02
Subject: my 8 month old is an asshole.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This will pass. Don't start yelling and slamming. She isn't trying to be contrary. She's years away from that. Get some help.
+1. Honestly, OP, it sounds like you need some help with anger. Your baby sounds like a normal baby. On some level the poor kid knows she's driving you nuts and being rejected.
+2 babies are tough, but almost everything is a phase. Everyone gets frustrated and has difficult days. It seems like you had 8 wonderful easy 8 months but now you really have to start working on patience. Turning your frustration into physical and verbal outbursts will only teach your DD that this is how to deal with frustration and stress. No one is perfect and nobody can be a perfect role model all the time (and trying to do this would probably make your DD believe in an unreasonable expectation of perfection). But slamming items... is this really what you want your DD to do to deal with conflict in the future? I know it sounds rediculous, but try just walking away, taking deep breaths and counting to ten. Then go back and engage your DD with a more even temperament
Anonymous
04/30/2013 11:01
Subject: my 8 month old is an asshole.
Wait until 37 weeks has passed and your sunny baby will emerge again.
Until about 49 weeks for another several weeks, then happy baby again.
And so on the cycle goes.
But in the meanttime I'd try to gain a little empathy. Your kid is making it hard on you because she's going through a ton of development right now and her poor world is upside down. As hard as it is on you it's a whole lot harder on her.
You won't survive toddlerhood with this attitude.
Until about 49 weeks for another several weeks, then happy baby again.
And so on the cycle goes.
But in the meanttime I'd try to gain a little empathy. Your kid is making it hard on you because she's going through a ton of development right now and her poor world is upside down. As hard as it is on you it's a whole lot harder on her.
You won't survive toddlerhood with this attitude.
Anonymous
04/30/2013 10:49
Subject: Re:my 8 month old is an asshole.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Don't worry, OP. Pretty soon she'll go back to being content to have no interaction or help from mommy again. Then you can neglect her again without all this drama, and just prop her up on some pillows with a bowl of mashed peas and go back to your wine drinking as before.
I have spent nearly every minute of her 8 month life feeding, playing, snuggling, babywearing, diapering, bathing her, etc. There is absolutely no neglect here, but I used to be able to sit next to her and fold laundry, or scarf a bowl of cereal here and there while she played. Those things have been infinitely more difficult recently.
Having done some of the same slamming things down and screaming or near screaming you have, I can tell you that no, it is not neglect. However, it is abuse. I am have had to struggle with how to deal with a very demanding child and sometimes I just don't have the patience for it. So, I am not saying you are a bad person but 1) you need to temper your expectations of what a generally well-behaved child behaves like and 2) find a way to control yourself. If you throw things now or scream now out of frustration, it will only get worse. I am not judging you but I am just saying please try to get it together for the child's sake. While the child may not remember the particular incident years down the line, they will remember the feeling of being mistreated. Please don't do that to this child.
Anonymous
04/30/2013 10:48
Subject: my 8 month old is an asshole.
Your definition of "perfect" seems to be "is pleasant and convenient for me." That's a problem, and it's on you to fix it.
If you find yourself yelling at a baby or slamming objects out of frustration, you need to get some help. Because she's not trying to push your buttons now, but in a pretty short amount of time, she will be deliberately testing boundaries (as she should). You need to find a healthy, appropriate way to set and enforce those boundaries.
If you find yourself yelling at a baby or slamming objects out of frustration, you need to get some help. Because she's not trying to push your buttons now, but in a pretty short amount of time, she will be deliberately testing boundaries (as she should). You need to find a healthy, appropriate way to set and enforce those boundaries.
Anonymous
04/30/2013 10:47
Subject: my 8 month old is an asshole.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This will pass. Don't start yelling and slamming. She isn't trying to be contrary. She's years away from that. Get some help.
+1. Honestly, OP, it sounds like you need some help with anger. Your baby sounds like a normal baby. On some level the poor kid knows she's driving you nuts and being rejected.
+2.
Anonymous
04/30/2013 10:46
Subject: Re:my 8 month old is an asshole.
It is easy to be a parent and love unconditionally an easy baby or child.
Your true test comes now. Stop slamming. You're not in control of anybody but yourself, so work on that.
And remember: docile does not equal happy, nor does well-behaved equal good. You're not doing a bad job when your daughter stops doing things exactly the way you want her to or is easiest for you. In fact, these moments provide an opportunity for you to be a truly GOOD parent: patient, loving, fair, realistic.
Your true test comes now. Stop slamming. You're not in control of anybody but yourself, so work on that.
And remember: docile does not equal happy, nor does well-behaved equal good. You're not doing a bad job when your daughter stops doing things exactly the way you want her to or is easiest for you. In fact, these moments provide an opportunity for you to be a truly GOOD parent: patient, loving, fair, realistic.
Anonymous
04/30/2013 10:46
Subject: my 8 month old is an asshole.
no, your 8 month old daughter is not an asshole. you may be, but she is not.
babies go through phases. babies go through physical developmental growth. babies go through emotional development growth. babies need things. babies need comfort. babies need mommies.
folding laundry can wait.
having compassion and patience will go a long way for your mother-daughter relationship. calling her inappropriate names and attempting to scare her with yelling or slamming things will not.
babies go through phases. babies go through physical developmental growth. babies go through emotional development growth. babies need things. babies need comfort. babies need mommies.
folding laundry can wait.
having compassion and patience will go a long way for your mother-daughter relationship. calling her inappropriate names and attempting to scare her with yelling or slamming things will not.
Anonymous
04/30/2013 10:46
Subject: my 8 month old is an asshole.
Anonymous wrote:This will pass. Don't start yelling and slamming. She isn't trying to be contrary. She's years away from that. Get some help.
+1. Honestly, OP, it sounds like you need some help with anger. Your baby sounds like a normal baby. On some level the poor kid knows she's driving you nuts and being rejected.
Anonymous
04/30/2013 10:46
Subject: Re:my 8 month old is an asshole.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Don't worry, OP. Pretty soon she'll go back to being content to have no interaction or help from mommy again. Then you can neglect her again without all this drama, and just prop her up on some pillows with a bowl of mashed peas and go back to your wine drinking as before.
I have spent nearly every minute of her 8 month life feeding, playing, snuggling, babywearing, diapering, bathing her, etc. There is absolutely no neglect here, but I used to be able to sit next to her and fold laundry, or scarf a bowl of cereal here and there while she played. Those things have been infinitely more difficult recently.
Just wait until she can walk, honey.
As I said before, you need to adjust your expectations. Now.
Anonymous
04/30/2013 10:46
Subject: my 8 month old is an asshole.
Anonymous wrote:She was a PERFECT baby from the very beginning. Great nurser, sweet temperament, happy to play or to just sit by herself, slept through the night at just a few weeks old, etc., etc. Now at 8 months that has all changed. She wakes up in the night for no apparent reason other than wanting to be held or wanting to scream. She gets mad when it's naptime. She will eat solids only if she is fed; anything else is immediately thrown on the floor. She whines constantly if I am not doing exactly what she wants at any given moment. I have gotten really fed up with her a few times and yelled or slammed an object down in exasperation and she just laughed (better than whining, at least). Are most 8 month olds like this? Am I going to see my sweet, happy little girl again or is she just going to be difficult from here on out?
I'd take this any day over some of the adults I've worked for.
Anonymous
04/30/2013 10:44
Subject: Re:my 8 month old is an asshole.
Anonymous wrote:Don't worry, OP. Pretty soon she'll go back to being content to have no interaction or help from mommy again. Then you can neglect her again without all this drama, and just prop her up on some pillows with a bowl of mashed peas and go back to your wine drinking as before.
That stick up your ass clearly damaged your brain.
Anonymous
04/30/2013 10:43
Subject: my 8 month old is an asshole.
Your description could easily fit my 90 year old grandmother who has dementia that is only getting worse. Unfortunately, many of us including our parents, will end up this way as well, so take a deep breath and take heart: at least your baby will grow out of this phase and most likely turn into a functioning child who can feed herself. In years to come you may be facing this situation all over again and your "patient" will not be a sweet baby who only wants her mama to understand her