Anonymous
Post 04/15/2013 21:41     Subject: Re:May wedding Dress Code
I would much rather have it be specific on dress code. Usually dress codes are directed at the men only (blazers, black tie, white tie, etc) and say nothing for the women. That is far more offensive in my opinion.

As to the flower girl dresses - just get them altered at the dry cleaner. Ours can turn that around in a few days. Plenty of time before May.

Sounds like you really need to relax on this whole event. You are taking offense at what was meant to be helpful to guests.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2013 21:41     Subject: May wedding Dress Code
Agreed. Mine was summer cocktail and some people were very very casual.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2013 21:38     Subject: May wedding Dress Code
This is simple. Business casual for women at a wedding would look silly. What would you wear? Slacks and a cardigan? And summer cocktail is pretty meaningless for men. They would be confused. Some might show up in tommy bahama shirts. Fwiw, I think you should count your blessings that it isn't black tie. Buy yourself a cute summer dress. Your dh must already have khakis and a navy blazer. What's the big deal?
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2013 21:32     Subject: May wedding Dress Code
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yikes! What a waste of money!


Thanks. It is like the last straw. The groom and his family are paying most of the expense. Such weddings in my view, are a waste of money and my niece certainly does not have that sort of money although she is who wants a big wedding. I can afford "my share" which is my families' expenses and am completely willing. The tension began with the flowers girls' dresses. my two DDs are the flower girls. I got from bride a link with a wedding dress web site and I dutifully measured and ordered/paid for the dresses the bride wanted them to wear using the link. Unknown to me the dresses were made in China. They arrived and they are too big and they make my DDs look rather silly. Now I am under great pressure to take them to a tailor and have these dresses altered quickly before the May wedding. My family is trying to "do the right thing" From my view, I followed the directions exactly and sent the correct measurements to the bridalshop. But now the dress size issue is of course all my fault. In this context, I am insulted that I'm supposed to find a cute summer dress to wear (which I don't have) while my DH can just put on basically anything in his closet and demonstrate how he is a bread winner and I am a pooliside cocktail sipper.
OP



So, how are you paying for the wedding? You don't have to participate, tell them it is too expensive to buy the clothes, and let it go. People like you are the reason planning my wedding was so difficult. It has to be all about you. You could gracefully bow out, but you will play the martyr and make everyone miserable.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2013 09:45     Subject: May wedding Dress Code
OP, turn the dress code to your advantage. You now have an excuse to go buy yourself a fabulous new dress. Go shopping, get the dress, then get online and order theater tickets/make dinner reservations at a nice restaurant or whatever you and DH would enjoy, schedule a babysitter, and put that new dress to use on a great date night with your husband. Boom. Lemons to lemonade! Now the thought of the dress code will make you smile instead.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2013 09:32     Subject: May wedding Dress Code
Anonymous wrote:OP,


You are overreacting. Have you been upset abut this wedding from the beginning? If so, why didn't you just say you couldn't attend? None of the things you have mentioned, so far, seem to be a big deal.


Thanks, you are right, not a big deal when put in a better perspective. The wedding has been planned a long time and I was not conscious of being upset about it until I saw these words about the dress code yesterday. At first, I thought it was some sort of mistake. I thought you can only have one dress code for one event so I wanted to know which it was. Then I found out it was not a mistake, and that really did shock me because of my Maude tendencies I guess.
But I probably was somewhat bothered for a long time because of my inner belief that "a big deal" should not be made of a wedding and that belief directly clashes with my niece (and likely millions of others). I never really thought I had the option to not go. I appreciate the different (from mine) perspective provided here.
OP
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2013 09:09     Subject: May wedding Dress Code
Anonymous wrote:My child is a flower girl for wedding 1000 miles away I'm taking my family of five, paying for our clothes, airfare, hotel.
I have just discovered the dress code is Summer Cocktail for females and Business Casual for males. Would anyone else be offended by that?


Dress code is weird. Summer cocktail can cover both male and female and is more dressed up or i suppose tailored than business casual even for guys. My husband and I would look mismatched if I did summer cocktail right and he was business casual...


I agree with you it is a bit sexist but not much more than the rest of American society.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2013 09:00     Subject: May wedding Dress Code
I guess I'm sexist because I like the stated dress code. If the invite just read business casual i'd be thinking I need to wear nice pants and a tailored top, which isn't much fun at a wedding. If the invite said resort tropical my DH would be clueless about what to wear -- a Hawaiin short? Shorts? Colored chinos?
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2013 08:49     Subject: Re:May wedding Dress Code
In this context, I am insulted that I'm supposed to find a cute summer dress to wear (which I don't have)


Wait, you don't have one cute summer dress? No wonder you're in such a bad mood.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2013 08:40     Subject: May wedding Dress Code
Op, I agree about the separate seasides codes. That is tacky. Also, it is anti-feminist, and it does make a "women are eye candy" statement. Why don't the men have to dress up for the women to appreciate?

All that said, you should just let it it go. To get a sense of perspective, check out the Etiquette Hell site.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2013 08:30     Subject: May wedding Dress Code
OP,


You are overreacting. Have you been upset abut this wedding from the beginning? If so, why didn't you just say you couldn't attend? None of the things you have mentioned, so far, seem to be a big deal.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2013 06:11     Subject: May wedding Dress Code
Anonymous wrote:i think you are over analyzing way too much. i dont understand your issues with the dress code and it sounds like you are over reacting and are bitter. its unfortunate the flower girls dresses dont fit as they should but that is an issue with the place you ordered them and not the brides fault.
weddings are expensive. people pay a lot of money to host them and guests pay a lot of money to attend. you keep saying you are ok with 'your responsibility' of the money but it actually sounds more like you are not. be happy for the couple not bitter and judgemental.


Thanks, This helps.

I don't want to be bitter and judgemental. I do wonder how the VA Governor's daughter feels about her wedding now that the evidence is published it was funded by a bribe to her parents because it was not an affordable wedding for them or her. Not all weddings are expensive, so I don't agree with that statement per se. I do agree I should be happy for the couple and they are not intentionally doing anything to make me unhappy.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2013 05:05     Subject: May wedding Dress Code
i think you are over analyzing way too much. i dont understand your issues with the dress code and it sounds like you are over reacting and are bitter. its unfortunate the flower girls dresses dont fit as they should but that is an issue with the place you ordered them and not the brides fault.
weddings are expensive. people pay a lot of money to host them and guests pay a lot of money to attend. you keep saying you are ok with 'your responsibility' of the money but it actually sounds more like you are not. be happy for the couple not bitter and judgemental.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2013 04:49     Subject: Re:May wedding Dress Code
OP,
You are over thinking it. I doubt the couple wanted to undermine women's rights movement/ knew you don't have a dress/ planned your daughters's dresses to come in a wrong size. Why create drama out of a celebration? I think you need to loosen up and be happy that at least you don't have to worry about buying your husband an outfit.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2013 04:44     Subject: May wedding Dress Code
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yikes! What a waste of money!


Thanks. It is like the last straw. The groom and his family are paying most of the expense. Such weddings in my view, are a waste of money and my niece certainly does not have that sort of money although she is who wants a big wedding. I can afford "my share" which is my families' expenses and am completely willing. The tension began with the flowers girls' dresses. my two DDs are the flower girls. I got from bride a link with a wedding dress web site and I dutifully measured and ordered/paid for the dresses the bride wanted them to wear using the link. Unknown to me the dresses were made in China. They arrived and they are too big and they make my DDs look rather silly. Now I am under great pressure to take them to a tailor and have these dresses altered quickly before the May wedding. My family is trying to "do the right thing" From my view, I followed the directions exactly and sent the correct measurements to the bridalshop. But now the dress size issue is of course all my fault. In this context, I am insulted that I'm supposed to find a cute summer dress to wear (which I don't have) while my DH can just put on basically anything in his closet and demonstrate how he is a bread winner and I am a pooliside cocktail sipper.
OP


Having to alter the bridal party dresses is pretty common. Chill out.


Thanks. Do you think it is common to state different dress codes for Males and Females? I thought it was normal that within each dress code there were already differences enough for genders.