PP, thank you for saying that. Today my therapist said "what if this doesn't happen?" WHY do I have to think about that now?

What is the benefit?

The odds are on my side. It was supposed to be a slam dunk with donor egg. The doctor is sure this was chromosomal, this early on (9 weeks) but is going to check out my uterus.

Both the RE and the OB think that the one small fibroid is not in a place where it could interfere.

Women with endometriosis and many larger problems have had babies.

Why do I have to think it may not happen? It is certainly not happening on my timetable, but why do I have to "accept" something like that? How does it help me?

Why is hope considered so disappointing?

Anonymous wrote:
I woke up today without the feeling that I will not be ok. My mother is coming to stay with me.

I don't really believe I'll be ok, but I also for the first time am not thinking "I won't make it".

I'm really happy to hear this. It won't happen overnight but as the cloud begins to lift don't be afraid to let the peeks of sunshine come in. (I know that I'm often afraid to be hopeful but am working on keeping that hope/faith (not a religious kind) alive.)

I can't thank all of you enough. I've talked to the doctors, my OB, my RE, and the GYN who did my horrific D&C (another story, it was without sedation). The RE is tracking the other recipients from my donor--we all got pregnant, but one other miscarried at the same time as me. He will be investigating the type of genetic abnormality from the testing results that come back, a saline sonogram when my cycle returns, then we'll decide whether to test the rest of my embryos. We do have a plan to move forward.

I woke up today without the feeling that I will not be ok. My mother is coming to stay with me.

I don't really believe I'll be ok, but I also for the first time am not thinking "I won't make it".

OP, take care of yourself. I had 4 m/cs and then a successful pregnancy. Nothing wrong with me that a dozen doctors could find (yes, 12 doctors), at 32 yrs old.

But then another loss. I think for some of us, it's a numbers thing and we're just really really unlucky, or science just hasn't figured out the issue.

hugs to you. The only thing that kept me sane was having a plan (IVF next for me, then adoption) so that I can honestly say to myself, this will all work out. One day, maybe years from now, it will all work out.

Anonymous wrote:I had 8 losses, underwent immune testing and treatment and now have a 8 month old DD! Good luck OP I know it's hard please take care of yourself.

Can you talk about your testing and treatment?

I had 8 losses, underwent immune testing and treatment and now have a 8 month old DD! Good luck OP I know it's hard please take care of yourself.

I am so sorry, OP. My close friend had three devastating losses and now is the mother of three very busy boys. I clearly remember her saying she could not go on, too, after one of the losses. Take it day by day. Good luck to you.

I have a really good friend who had 5 losses. She's currently pregnant and further along than she's ever been with progesterone supplements. She's being monitored at NIH who has some programs for those with RPL. They previously tried heparin with her.

I second PP about immune testing. I have recurrent IVF failure and had the immune testing done. This cycle (4th IVF) was with IVIG, predisone and lovenox. In the 2ww so we'll see if it worked next week.

OP, I am so sorry for your loss and hope you are doing ok. When you're ready, you may want to look at additional testing or the NIH to see if you can get some more information on what you may need to change for your next cycle. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PP. I've had all the RPL testing done before this round (which was donor egg so age shouldn't be an issue). I am on supplements since it's IVF. . . I'm going to ask at today's confirming u/s if there was deterioration in the lining that would indicate a hormonal problem.

The good stories are carrying me through the day. My best friend told me to go "one day at a time" but I told her I don't know how to get through today. It's getting a little easier as I get out of bed, read stories, etc.

When you say you've had all the RPL testing, does this include immune issues (e.g. NK cells, cytokines, etc.)? If not, I would look into this.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I know it is hard to be optimistic right now, but allow yourself time to mourn the loss -- it's okay to be very sad -- and when you are strong enough, when you are ready, you'll know it. I think practically everyone on this board has been there before and it is a hopeless feeling ... but the sun comes out again, eventually. Hang in there and be good to yourself in the meantime.

Anonymous wrote:Keep your head up. And know that good things will come to you.

The hard part is, I thought they had. I was so happy about this pregnancy. And now. . . I feel like I'm battling statistics again. This time I was on the wrong side of them.

Keep your head up. And know that good things will come to you.

Thank you everyone. It is hard to start over.

Just wanted to say I'm in the same boat OP. Some days are harder than others. Hang in there.

PS I am the PP. I forgot to say good luck. I had an ectopic myself and struggled to get pregnant for 5 years before it happened for me. It is tough. Hugs!!!!