"I'm sorry to bother you" is passive aggressive.

Anonymous wrote:wait! i have an idea (i'm pp)

find a clipping on the floor - or produce one yourself - act horrified and be loud - OMG! is that a toenail? that is so gross - how did it get in here? that is so weird. would someone clip their toes at work? that is really gross"

That's what I would do! Hopefully he's horrified and embarrassed. When I first started dating my DH I found out he clipped his nails at wrk and told him it was gross and rude and anti-social. He had no clue it was perceived that way and never did it again.

The sports bags should be pretty easy to deal with talk with the office manager/HR and ask if a nice reminder could be sent out for people to use their cabinets for their personal items. For noise about the only ways to deal with that is a ear plugs/head phones or get REALLY good at tuning things out. Unfortunately when you work that closely with people you hear and see a lot that can be hard to deal with. No doubt something you do or say is bothering them as well. We have a person who eats fish for lunch everyday - very healthy- but heating it up in the microwave makes the entire office and kitchen area smell for hours afterwards. When I was pregnant it was especially hard to take. The toe nail thing is just plain cross...good luck with that one. Even if you saying something I bet they are the kind of people that are clueless and won't stop doing it. We have the nose blower who can be heard for miles around each and every time he blows his nose. Not pleasant to listen to but once again...headphones. Even if you aren't listening to anything they help to tune things out and make people think you are in your own world.

Trip over one of the gym bags while carrying an open cup of hot coffee. Be sure and fall in the direction of the gym bag owner.

Pick your battles. Use headphones if noise is annoying when it's just occasional personal calls. Don't send anonymous memos or leave anonymous sticky notes, management just gets annoyed about those and the writer of the note is usually considered (by management) worse than the 'offender' who left their backpack out or called their spouse, lol. My management just gets disgusted when people leave anonymous sticky notes to their coworkers over stuff that truly is kinda petty.

Music & earphones or go work in an available conference room. Don't be THAT person.

I feel bad for people who work in cubicles. You are like little lab rats. It should be outlawed to treat people as such.

Don't send anonymous notes. They will then try to figure out who sent them.
Work from home 1-2 days per week.