Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to respond. I greately appreciate everyone's valuable input and plan to implement changes ASAP (starting with consolidation of the cc debt.) I chatted with my DH this morning about it all.

I think part of the reason for the cc debt mess is that was paying for unglamorous home improvements (new furnace, new water heater, new fence) on cc's, and loaning some money to my DH's brother (a wonderful man with perhaps less than a great business idea) and paying for it through the line of credit at our bank at 12.5 percent (which I consider under the umbrella term of "cc debt.") Admittedly, some of the debt is also from frivolous stuff like years of new hockey skates. The 56K has built up over many years, and I just wanted to assure people that I have not been not going out and getting spa treatments. Thank you again for everyone's input!

I don't get it. It's household-related debt and a loan to his brother (on a cc?) and he doesn't know about it and you feel the need to hide it?

She says he doesn't know about 100% of the debt, he may know about 90% of it or 60% of it but isn't aware of the full extent. I am sure he knows about the loans to his brother and the new furnace but if she does all the finances, he may not know how deeply in debt they are. They have a high HHI, he may assume they are able to afford these costs without debt.

if you have a line of credit at 12.5%, your credit must be lousy...

how much of an emergency fund do you have?

The average person COULD stay home with the kids on that salary. My DH makes $160k and I stay home right now, and we can cover a $2300 mortgage, two car payments, teenager in private school, preschooler in preschool, and still have plenty of money left over to pay bills and splurge a little every month.

BUT. We do not have $56k in credit card debt. There's no way I could stay home with that kind of debt lingering over us. In fact, that is the only part of your scenario that makes me think you couldn't stay home, because I have no idea how we'd fit paying down $56k in credit card debt into our monthly budget on roughly the same salary as you'd have. That's just nuts. And furthermore, you are having to put things like water heaters and a fence on your credit card, which means you can't afford them with cash. Quitting your job and losing that income isn't going to make it easier to replace a roof if it needs it. No idea why on earth you'd take out a loan to give a loan to your BIL but that's neither here nor there except to say that's extremely foolish and you should not ever do anything like that again.

Like I said, with that income, and the $30,000 a year you get extra from your parents and farm land, it absolutely CAN be done by most people, which I want to stress so I don't sound like one of those DCUMs who thinks $155k is poor and nobody could live on it. Lots of people could. But your family, in this situation- no way. You need to be working to pay off that debt.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to respond. I greately appreciate everyone's valuable input and plan to implement changes ASAP (starting with consolidation of the cc debt.) I chatted with my DH this morning about it all.

I think part of the reason for the cc debt mess is that was paying for unglamorous home improvements (new furnace, new water heater, new fence) on cc's, and loaning some money to my DH's brother (a wonderful man with perhaps less than a great business idea) and paying for it through the line of credit at our bank at 12.5 percent (which I consider under the umbrella term of "cc debt.") Admittedly, some of the debt is also from frivolous stuff like years of new hockey skates. The 56K has built up over many years, and I just wanted to assure people that I have not been not going out and getting spa treatments. Thank you again for everyone's input!

I don't get it. It's household-related debt and a loan to his brother (on a cc?) and he doesn't know about it and you feel the need to hide it?

You talked about your assets, but not about your income and expenses. How much do you spend every month? How much do you put into retirement and general savings? Do you have a dedicated emergency fund?

We have the same mortgage outlay as you, and our HHI is only $170K (close to what yours would be with the cut). We have no problems making ends meet (with no consumer debt) on that, so I think your goal should be, if you want to stay home, you take EVERY CENT of the difference between your $230K current HHI and your expected $155K HHI and you pay off the consumer debt. If you can do that, then stay at home. In 6 months, you should have about $25K (conservatively) saved from your salary to put towards it, and then add in your parents' annual gift of $22K, and all you'll need is about $8K more scrimped from elsewhere.

"1) tell your husband about all the debt now. This is not a secret to a healthy marraige."

AKA - Financial infidelity. Be prepared for the consequences.

Work out a plan to repay the debt and end your spending addiction BEFORE you tell your husband.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to respond. I greately appreciate everyone's valuable input and plan to implement changes ASAP (starting with consolidation of the cc debt.) I chatted with my DH this morning about it all.

I think part of the reason for the cc debt mess is that was paying for unglamorous home improvements (new furnace, new water heater, new fence) on cc's, and loaning some money to my DH's brother (a wonderful man with perhaps less than a great business idea) and paying for it through the line of credit at our bank at 12.5 percent (which I consider under the umbrella term of "cc debt.") Admittedly, some of the debt is also from frivolous stuff like years of new hockey skates. The 56K has built up over many years, and I just wanted to assure people that I have not been not going out and getting spa treatments. Thank you again for everyone's input!

Who cares where it came from? You owe the money either way, and no responsible person would quit working with this kind of debt.

OP here. Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to respond. I greately appreciate everyone's valuable input and plan to implement changes ASAP (starting with consolidation of the cc debt.) I chatted with my DH this morning about it all.

I think part of the reason for the cc debt mess is that was paying for unglamorous home improvements (new furnace, new water heater, new fence) on cc's, and loaning some money to my DH's brother (a wonderful man with perhaps less than a great business idea) and paying for it through the line of credit at our bank at 12.5 percent (which I consider under the umbrella term of "cc debt.") Admittedly, some of the debt is also from frivolous stuff like years of new hockey skates. The 56K has built up over many years, and I just wanted to assure people that I have not been not going out and getting spa treatments. Thank you again for everyone's input!

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not with that cc debt. Can't believe you'd even consider it! Be responsible!

NP. To put this more nicely: OP, you have a lot of cc debt that your husband does not know about. I don't think he will be happy to shoulder that debt, plus supporting the entire family, on his own. Once you can eliminate the cc debt then you can stay home. Until then you need to work. It's unfair to your husband otherwise.

Your CC debt should be consolidated in some way (but don't borrow from your 401K or something like that). At least call and get the %s down, or take a personal loan from the bank at a low interest rate. something....

ITA with everyone who said try it first. And consider selling the land. You could pay off your CC debt and have a good emergency fund in case, after 1-2 years, you actually can't get back into the work force easily.

OP, I'm kind of annoyed with you. You have so many things that others in this area do not have:

1) a good enough income for only one person to work (155k)
2) a yearly $22,000 gift from parents (!)
3) College is paid for (!)
4) a close in house with a low mortgage and $350k in equity
5) a valuable piece of property you don't want to sell "for sentimental reasons"

And you have the nerve to have:
$56k in credit card debt, that your husband doesn't completely know about???

a variable life insurance policy that is the dumbest money move ever? (Ask Suze orman)


If you decide to SAH, you have to come clean about the debt with DH, and pay it off. You could easily pay it off given your assets.

I would also turn over the finances to DH, beacuse you are not doing the best job and he needs to be more involved, clearly.

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely could stay at home on your HHI, however if you don't manage your money well, you will just end up in more debt at the end of the 2 years.

Why don't you spend the next six months living as though you only had the 155kHHI and get better at money management. If you succeed, stay home. If not, keep working.

I agree with this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy cow, your parents give you $11,000 a year? People do that?

Read again. They get $22,000. And yea, people do it for tax / estate planning purposes. My parents give me $10,000.

Yes, lots of people do this. Might as well give it to your kids/grand kids while you are alive than let the government take it when you die.

Absolutely not with that cc debt. Can't believe you'd even consider it! Be responsible!