Anonymous wrote:I'm 16:05 and maybe I do come across as attacking you, because I was trying to stress the importance of this NOT being a parental fact finding mission. Leave this to a doctor. At this point, and with the info given, continually asking your daughter food related questions can only make this worse. She might be even more uncomfortable speaking to you about it, perhaps a woman would make her feel more at ease with her body.

Honestly, 8yo is quite young for an eating disorder and saying that your wife diets a lot is quite a stretch for learned behavior. I think it's odd that you continue to put those two things together and that is why I will continue to recommend that you just bring her to a doctor.

You come across as attacking him because you have been. And you really don't know what you are talking about. 8 is young, but kids this age do get eating disorders. They have residential programs for children under 12 with eating disorders. And the wife dieting can be a trigger. There's nothing odd about that. I have never, ever mentioned weight or dieting around my daughter precisely to avoid this issue.

What does your wife think about the situation?

I'm 16:05 and maybe I do come across as attacking you, because I was trying to stress the importance of this NOT being a parental fact finding mission. Leave this to a doctor. At this point, and with the info given, continually asking your daughter food related questions can only make this worse. She might be even more uncomfortable speaking to you about it, perhaps a woman would make her feel more at ease with her body.

Honestly, 8yo is quite young for an eating disorder and saying that your wife diets a lot is quite a stretch for learned behavior. I think it's odd that you continue to put those two things together and that is why I will continue to recommend that you just bring her to a doctor.

Ignore the NP who is trying to blame you. Thats just ridiculous. I think you sound like a great Dad.

I think I disagree with the suggestions that you speak with your daughter before you speak with a professional. This is such a loaded issue and often parents can't say anything helpful. Not their fault, its just the dynamic. I have a close friend whose daughter had anorexia and they were given advice about how to handle meals and what specifically to say to her. They were scripted. It sounds ridiculous, but it was very helpful. Its so easy to fall into a power struggle, and thats so counter productive. You need professional support for these conversations.

I think you are right to be very concerned -- skipping meals, losing weight. Yes, call the pediatrician to examine her for other possible causes but also ask for a referral to an eating disorder specialist. There's no downside to having a professional step in NOW. Waiting can be dangerous -- my friend's daughter had a dangerous drop in her heat rate because of her rapid weight loss.

Op, ignore the posters attacking you for caring about your daughter. there are many man haters on this board who will twist every situation your fault no matter who the facts are.

I work with youth with eating disorders and yes your daughters behavior is concerning. I would start with a visit to the pediatrician to rule out any other causes. Don't focus too much with her on her eating but do keep an eye on her intake. 400-550 calories is not sufficient and her health will suffer at that intake. There are a number of red flags here and you are right to be concerned.

If physical aspects are ruled out, then you definitely need to look at emotional. It could be anxiety or depression rather than an eating disorder. There could be something that happened at school or otherwise and this is how she is dealing with it . It could be the beginning of an eating disorder.

You is the adult in her life that she is closest too? That might be a good person to involve to have a bit of a deeper one on one chat with her, maybe go for lunch to see if she might open up at all.

You are doing the right thing to stay on top of it and to take action if needed. She likely has no real idea of the ramifications of starvation on the body and while she isn't there yet, she isn't eating enough to stay healthy.

Asking for information and communicating about an abrupt change in a family is not controlling your child. It's essential to talk to your children. It does not mean you are "transferring your issues" and obsessing. This is gobbledy-gook. If you were to ask five thousand times, okay, that would be obsessing and transferring your issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just think it's odd, given the info presented, to immediately jump to the idea of an eating disorder.

If she's eating an overall sufficient amount of calories, with appropriate amounts of nutrients and not a lot of junk, and she's at normal weight and stays there, why assume she has a disorder?

Sounds like it could be a power struggle to me. Dad is freaked out about food and already argues with his wife about her eating, now is transferring that freak out to the daughter. IF she doesn't have an eating disorder now, she will if Dad keeps this up.

OP here.

She is normal weight. She is has always been a picky eater and it is difficult to get her to eat healthier in general. I'm not ASSUMING she has a disorder, I'm simply asking if that is one possibility among many others.

Lately she's not getting enough calories (I'd estimate maybe 400 to 500 a day) and is, in fact, losing some weight.

I'm not freaked out about food at all. I don't like that my wife models dieting in front of my children, but that's about it. And how dare you suggest that I'm transfering a "freak out" to my dd? Since you don't have anything useful to contribute to this discussion, I would respectfully ask you to stop posting.

Update: This morning she ate a bite of egg on toast, about four blueberries, and some cereal. Except for the variety, that's typical. In the past, she'd usually reach for just the cereal. She didn't eat any lunch yesterday or any dinner. And this does seem to be a deliberate attempt to avoid food. We'll see how it goes through the weekend.

There is no way that you can prove this statement without bringing her to the doctor and seeing if there isn't some other reason for not eating. Maybe she has an impacted colon, she is uncomfortable and REALLY isn't hungry. You do seem to be transferring your issues and you should perhaps explore that your 8yo has a real reason, other than an eating disorder, for not eating.

Maybe she is binging on candy in her bedroom. Do you work at her school, do you work from home? How are you possibly monitoring all of your daughters food intake. If you are asking her repeatedly, is it done in a way that is bothersome to her? That is where PPs saying it is about control comes in... The more you obsess about her food intake the more she will push back.

New poster here.

I would have a sit down with your daughter, separate from mealtime. I would do it at a time she's relaxed, when both of you are relaxed. If your wife is also concerned about the meal skipping, ask her to join in.

Tell your daughter that you have noticed that she is no longer eating dinner and you are concerned. There are good nutritional habits and eating regular meals is one of them. Tell her you would like to understand why she is doing this. If she isn't hungry over a long time period, that's a matter of concern, enough that she needs to see the doctor.

If she is interested in dieting, that's reasonable, but it also needs to start with a trip to the doctor to find out what is reasonable for her age. No diet should involved skipping meals. You and she can research nutrition and diets together. Maybe make it a project.

NP. My ED started at age 8 and I was dead set on losing weight so did all I could to hide my intentions from my parents. I would consult a specialist if I were you. This is such a sensitive and complex matter. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just think it's odd, given the info presented, to immediately jump to the idea of an eating disorder.

If she's eating an overall sufficient amount of calories, with appropriate amounts of nutrients and not a lot of junk, and she's at normal weight and stays there, why assume she has a disorder?

Sounds like it could be a power struggle to me. Dad is freaked out about food and already argues with his wife about her eating, now is transferring that freak out to the daughter. IF she doesn't have an eating disorder now, she will if Dad keeps this up.

OP here.

She is normal weight. She is has always been a picky eater and it is difficult to get her to eat healthier in general. I'm not ASSUMING she has a disorder, I'm simply asking if that is one possibility among many others.

Lately she's not getting enough calories (I'd estimate maybe 400 to 500 a day) and is, in fact, losing some weight.

I'm not freaked out about food at all. I don't like that my wife models dieting in front of my children, but that's about it. And how dare you suggest that I'm transfering a "freak out" to my dd? Since you don't have anything useful to contribute to this discussion, I would respectfully ask you to stop posting.

Update: This morning she ate a bite of egg on toast, about four blueberries, and some cereal. Except for the variety, that's typical. In the past, she'd usually reach for just the cereal. She didn't eat any lunch yesterday or any dinner. And this does seem to be a deliberate attempt to avoid food. We'll see how it goes through the weekend.

I'm the PP who posted this and yes, this whole thing sounds over the top and controlling. What you just cited as a typical breakfast is, in fact, typical for an 8 year old. My guess is that you are forcing your DD into a power struggle and should try to back off for a significant period of time -- make yourself not comment on food for two weeks -- and see what happens.

BTW I think my earlier post was quite germain and useful to the discussion. Sorry if you object to my use of the term "freak out" but honey, this is an internet board. Don't post if you don't want frank responses.

Watch out for food as a power struggle at this age. Not really an eating disorder but how to push your buttons---a d if you react like that to an Internet poster, I daresay your buttons are pretty easy to push.

Anonymous wrote:I just think it's odd, given the info presented, to immediately jump to the idea of an eating disorder.

If she's eating an overall sufficient amount of calories, with appropriate amounts of nutrients and not a lot of junk, and she's at normal weight and stays there, why assume she has a disorder?

Sounds like it could be a power struggle to me. Dad is freaked out about food and already argues with his wife about her eating, now is transferring that freak out to the daughter. IF she doesn't have an eating disorder now, she will if Dad keeps this up.

OP here.

She is normal weight. She is has always been a picky eater and it is difficult to get her to eat healthier in general. I'm not ASSUMING she has a disorder, I'm simply asking if that is one possibility among many others.

Lately she's not getting enough calories (I'd estimate maybe 400 to 500 a day) and is, in fact, losing some weight.

I'm not freaked out about food at all. I don't like that my wife models dieting in front of my children, but that's about it. And how dare you suggest that I'm transfering a "freak out" to my dd? Since you don't have anything useful to contribute to this discussion, I would respectfully ask you to stop posting.

Update: This morning she ate a bite of egg on toast, about four blueberries, and some cereal. Except for the variety, that's typical. In the past, she'd usually reach for just the cereal. She didn't eat any lunch yesterday or any dinner. And this does seem to be a deliberate attempt to avoid food. We'll see how it goes through the weekend.

Is she losing weight? Does she not like dinner? Is dinner a super stressful time with bickering and or forced conversation around the table? Have you just decided to eat family dinners?

I just think it's odd, given the info presented, to immediately jump to the idea of an eating disorder.

If she's eating an overall sufficient amount of calories, with appropriate amounts of nutrients and not a lot of junk, and she's at normal weight and stays there, why assume she has a disorder?

Sounds like it could be a power struggle to me. Dad is freaked out about food and already argues with his wife about her eating, now is transferring that freak out to the daughter. IF she doesn't have an eating disorder now, she will if Dad keeps this up.

Anonymous wrote:What does she eat at other times?

I don't think it's unusual for kids not to eat much dinner -- my DD does this sometimes. Often, it's because she at a substantial snack after school and just isn't hungry. Could that be the case with your DD?

Can you estimate her total food intake? If it's normal, I wouldn't worry about it.

The problem with this is if she has an eating disorder or disordered eating, she'll just lie. That's what I did with my parents. People with eating disorders can be very good at manipulation and lying to hide and make excuses for their disease.

Does she eat breakfast before school? What about lunch on the weekends?