11:26 - my gosh, your posts are so ugly and defensive. What is the world is so wrong with creating another board?????? Do you care at all about others' feelings?

Anonymous wrote:This is ridiciulous. IF is not the same as cancer so dont compare and say at least you dont have cancer.... lets stop telling people how to feel and act and just try to be supportive. My mother always said if you dont have anything nice to say then dont say anything. Would separate forums be better, yes. However that isnt the way this website is set up. So if you cant be nice and supportive and do not have anything productive to add, dont say/ post anything!

Exactly my point. Clearly that is not good enough.

This is ridiciulous. IF is not the same as cancer so dont compare and say at least you dont have cancer.... lets stop telling people how to feel and act and just try to be supportive. My mother always said if you dont have anything nice to say then dont say anything. Would separate forums be better, yes. However that isnt the way this website is set up. So if you cant be nice and supportive and do not have anything productive to add, dont say/ post anything!

Anonymous wrote:11:04 you are misdirecting your anger and are exemplifying the kind of nastiness that the OP and others are concerned about. Retread the PP's post - it's not about dismissing suffering, it's about recognizing that people need to be more supportive whether they're contending with infertility, miscarriage, etc and that maybe these different types of struggles warrant their own forums - as exist on other sites. So please, be kind and relax.

Oh my God, fine. I'll report this post to Jeff and ask if he can create a secondary infertility forum so that no one's feelings will be hurt, okay? Will that satisfy everyone?

While we are at it, should we ask him to create a TV/Movie Spoiler forum so that those who can't stop themselves from reading threads about their favorite shows don't get upset?
I should really stop coming here. So many people who think they are entitled to never be offended or have their feelings hurt. Jeesh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's face it--even the chronically infertile and childless among us are EXCEEDINGLY more fortunate then the 0.001% who get terminal colon cancer or melanoma or breast cancer in their 30's. Point being, suffering is not a competition.

Yes, but telling infertile women to suck it up because, hey, they don't have cancer isn't compassionate either.

No, of course not. But when they begin the downward spiral of a thread with their inability to show compassion for another, what do they expect? People here are going to call them on that, every single time. So they should just stop. That is what this PSA is about.

Maybe we're in agreement, but your initial post seemed to emphasize the same "competitive suffering" response that I see on this forum - and really shows a lack of empathy.

I don't know what you mean by initial post; I was a responder to the post about melanoma and cancer, so that was not my point.

Furthermore, I guess you and I (and others) can just agree to disagree. I am very concerned right now that I may be experiencing secondary infertility (we're just a couple of tries away from starting that process) and I resent you and other suggesting that I can't come here to post or ask questions because I already have a child. A friend and I started TTC at the same time and she is now due in the spring. I was happy for her when she shared her news with me and I am happy for her still. I don't condition that on whether I am having success and I would never make her feel guilty for talking about her pregnancy or sharing her excitement with me. Bottom line - I think you all display some really ugly tendencies, and I hope it is less a condition of your character than it is of raw emotions coming through.

Go take a look at other forums. There is none of this fighting going on on any of them. DCUM doesn't work as is. Period.

Thank you 11:00 - at least there is someone on here with some sense and understanding.

11:04 you are misdirecting your anger and are exemplifying the kind of nastiness that the OP and others are concerned about. Retread the PP's post - it's not about dismissing suffering, it's about recognizing that people need to be more supportive whether they're contending with infertility, miscarriage, etc and that maybe these different types of struggles warrant their own forums - as exist on other sites. So please, be kind and relax.

PP - nowhere in my post does it say my situation is worse than yours. In fact, I AM PREGNANT at this moment!!!!!!!!!!

Before you put quotes around things, make sure you are quoting what someone actually says, not what you want to accuse them of saying. Compassion goes both ways - as a person who struggled for many years, I still feel for people that are still struggling. I still feel their pain when they post. And they should have a forum where they feel free to express themselves, not a place where they will be punished if their posts don't say exactly what YOU want them to say.

Anonymous wrote:Wow PP - what "poo" did I throw at the OP? As a person who frequents other forums as well as this one, I was merely pointing out things that could be changed FOR THE BETTER on DCUM. I feel the absence of a variety of different boards contributes to a lot of nastiness that wouldn't otherwise exist (and doesn't exist on other forums) if there were more boards.

Some of you people here are like vultures. You pounce on everything and anything people say. I can't believe this forum can even continue to exist with such nasty posters.

Let me break it down:

1. You opened the thread.
2. You had a choice - respond or move on b/c the subject doesn't pertain to you.
3. You chose to throw a guilt trip (poo) - "My situation is worse than yours and how dare you complain when you have two kids."

Get it? ITEM 3 is where I have a problem with you and others on that thread. Again - YOU ARE AN ADULT. You have choices. No one makes you read or respond to anything. And don't give me any BS about "I didn't know what the thread would be before I opened it." I don't care. Fact is - you did not have to respond. There is NO EXCUSE for anyone being nasty other than to make themselves feel better/superior. I do not find that to be an attractive quality in anyone. You say I and other defending the OP of the other thread are "vultures." What do you call the people who went out of their way to make her feel like an ass for even posting? Angels? Hardly.

Before you throw stones at glass houses, examine thyself.

Infertility and cancer are 2 different things. And telling someone their life could be worse/better just minimizes their situation. Why not just listen to what people have to say, focus on the infertility issue (not the person who has cancer and does x,y and z) and offer support.

Suffering is not a competition but there are different levels to suffering that should not be downplayed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think places like fertilethoughts and fertilitycommunity are very good forums b/c they offer a variety of boards and separate out issues accordingly. People are very considerate on there, especially when discussing losses and success. I find that DCUM is too lumped together - there is no heads-up if you are about to read a post about a success or loss.

I see both sides of posters' views. I also see that there are people out there in real pain and they need to be able to express that just as easily as the OP with 2 ivf successes. Goes back to my comment above - DCUM is too lumped together and wold benefit from a different format like on other forums.

You know what? We are adults. If you read a post that doesn't pertain to your situation, you can close it and move on. You are not obligated to throw poo at the OP because you feel that your situation is worse and therefore more deserving of compassion.

Of course we're adults, but the PP is right, there are a lot of posters on this forum with tough experiences and sometimes it's upsetting for someone who opens a thread thinking they're about to read about success stories to unexpectedly find an account of miscarriage or stillbirth.

Anonymous wrote:Let's face it--even the chronically infertile and childless among us are EXCEEDINGLY more fortunate then the 0.001% who get terminal colon cancer or melanoma or breast cancer in their 30's. Point being, suffering is not a competition.

I TOTALLY agree. But, is it wrong to remind ourselves of the things we should appreciate? I think it is different to say "you have no right to be sad/mad" than to say "but hey, think about all that has gone right for you". If someone can look at their situation in a new light, maybe they will feel better?

Wow PP - what "poo" did I throw at the OP? As a person who frequents other forums as well as this one, I was merely pointing out things that could be changed FOR THE BETTER on DCUM. I feel the absence of a variety of different boards contributes to a lot of nastiness that wouldn't otherwise exist (and doesn't exist on other forums) if there were more boards.

Some of you people here are like vultures. You pounce on everything and anything people say. I can't believe this forum can even continue to exist with such nasty posters.