Anonymous wrote:I know this contributes nothing to this thread, but I'm going to say it anyway...

I think education shouldn't solely be measured by going to an Ivy League university. I really hope you aren't putting tons of pressure on your son/daughter which is inherent in this topic. Who cares if they don't get into a big name school? Maybe it's ok to go to a decent school and excel there instead.

Well said. Also, when you graduate from college and get into the workforce, there comes a time on the job when it doesn't matter where you went to college. My boss went to a 'big 10' law and was promoted over another who went to an Ivy law. It boiled down to the best person for the job, and he was most definitely the best qualified. Just because you've got the name school doesn't mean you know how to disseminate the information. Excel wherever you go!

Anonymous wrote:I know this contributes nothing to this thread, but I'm going to say it anyway...

I think education shouldn't solely be measured by going to an Ivy League university. I really hope you aren't putting tons of pressure on your son/daughter which is inherent in this topic. Who cares if they don't get into a big name school? Maybe it's ok to go to a decent school and excel there instead.

Don't forget to add that the DC's happiness at the school (i.e., "its a good fit") plays in as well. But yuour post is well said!

OP, it sounds like perhaps you and your DH have different values or purposes for having your child in a top private school. If you measure success solely by matriculation at an Ivy, then there are a whole lot of failures coming out of those schools!

If, by contrast, you are looking for a foundation for your child's long-term learning by having him in a small-class, personalized attention, college prep environment, then you might find this school to be a great success.

Is your child average because he simply is middle of the road? Is he average because he's not trying as hard as the other kids (this was me, btw!)? What does he think would change at a large public school?

Following up on 10:21's post, it would be interesting to see a survey some day comparing the graduate school placements of the students crammed into the top IVY's /LACs and those who went to the other very good competitive schools noted above for their undergrad work -- the ones taking maybe 20+% of applicants rather than 7%. I suspect that it would be tough to prove either way, but that plenty of kids who did their undergrade work in the two different groups of schools end up in the same graduate /professional schools.

In our experience at two big 3's recently, and with stepkids in publics like BCC, sort of depends what average means in terms of college admissions. It seems like at these schools there is a top 20% that are taking all the most challenging courses, are National Merit SF's or end up improving by SATs enough to be in the 2300 range, grades almost all As (rarely 100% As at the top independents) and are realistically looking at the top Ivys and LACs. Then there may be a lower 10% that are struggling academically, not really focused on academics in HS or for college etc. Then there is everyone else kind of in the middle, ie not in the absolute most accelerated courses for every subject, in the 2000-2200 SAT range, grades some As and Bs and even low Bs or Cs here and there. And I think if anything those kids may benefit the most from being at a private with strong academics, where they have much more individualized college counseling, can have perhaps a super close relationship with a few teachers that could end up writing very personal recommendations, more chances for leadership and intense involvement in extracurriculars within the school. College admissions is a real crap shoot, but the middle kids seem to end up places such as Wash U, Vanderbilt, Tufts, U Va, Wesleyan, NYU, CCMC or even Cornell if lucky or some hook/connection, and places like Tulane, Emory, U Mich, Colby, Wake Forest, Davidson, Kenyon if maybe not quite as lucky or without super extracurriculars. And when they get to those places, they will do great academically in general because they will have really learned to write, and speak and think in small groups and under pressure. Some of my kids classmates have transferred successfully to much more academically high-profile schools after a year or two, having done incredibly well at their first institution.

I'll weigh in the homework issue. First let me clarify that I don't think the number of hours spent on homework has much correlation with a school's level of challenge. That said, for the people who are interested in hour counts, my DD who went private for ES but is now at public regularly complains that she has way more homework than her friends who continued on to a range of private HS, including the top 3 private high schools. If you need independent verification of the homework and stress level at a place like Whitman, read The Overachievers. Having said all that, my DS now at the same public HS spends much less time on HW than DD, is less of a perfectionist and cruises through with low As.

What to conclude? The number of hours spent on homework varies with the kid and his/her perfectionism, ability to absorb the info in class vs. re-reading at home, efficiency vs tendency to get distracted by Facebook, et cetera. And again, hours of homework per se may not be a great metric.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to school in Boston (Harvard). There were tons of students from the prep schools in Boston at Boston College, Wellesley, Tufts, etc.

I don't know about the Big 3 from DC but I know I think the worst college a kid can get into from a school like Exeter is Boston University.

There is no guarantee just because you went to Exeter that you're guaranteed a spot at an Ivy. And while Exeter is an excellent school, it is not the end all to end all, and that is for any boarding school. Contrary to popular belief, privates and top publics are equal competition to all colleges. The colleges aren't looking to fill their slots exclusively from any one school and that includes Harvard.

And no, I'm not some parent who was jealous because their kid didn't get into Exeter. We did along with Andover and St. Paul's School but not enough dough. But DC is happy that we didn't force boarding school. They are wonderful choices but it's all about fit just as Boston U. is about fit for anyone including kids from Exeter.

Hahaha. Dream on! The top boarding schools have the highest rates overall acceptance to the Ivies. Do some research!

Maybe it's you who's living in a dream world and should do some research. Just a few posts from experienced posters from College Confidential.

Yesterday, 07:11 PM #33
ExieMITAlum
Senior Member

Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 2,070

My sibling and I both went to Exeter. My child now goes to Taft along with siblings of many classmates. I see absolutely no difference in educational quality. I do see more "hands-on" engagement of students and a better quality of life at Taft. That doesn't mean I don't love my school, I do. But I'm amazed at how many people look at stats and reputation and think that Exeter's stats means the same will apply to them. If anything, Exeter tends to attract a well connected constituency because those families have the same desire - "the best" and thus can cherry pick top students. Hence why there is so much competition and why so many students who limit themselves only to ACRONYMS end up with nothing to show for the effort. Even if they didn't cherry pick, there are too many applicants for too few dorm beds and all well qualified.

Go big shouldn't mean go blindly. And one quick note: Going to a school with prestige does not necessarily mean you're going to be in "the club." Some of those things are not functions of the school, but the class system and political connections already established within the incoming families. Add to that some "star" students who are not connected but have hooks. And you've got the big ole donut hole in the middle that is left over. The kids who went in dreaming of "going big" and found themselves with no acceptance letters - or worse, were accepted and discover upon graduation they're not the "stats" the IVY's are looking for.

Be realistic in how you define "the best." If you're satisfied staying put if you are declined. So be it. No harm no foul. The odds are that is going to be the outcome from that strategy.

And another.....

Yesterday, 10:47 PM #36
2prepMom
Member

Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 355

If HYPMS college matriculation is the reason to go to Exeter or Andover, stay home.

That is the advice of most of the threads discussing this topic on CC, and the Andover students themselves (online newspaper Phillipian polled in May, 2012 "Andover hurts college chances more than it helps" now agreed to by the majority of the student body for the first time since this question has been asked every year)

About 10 kids a year from Exeter go to Harvard - out of 300. 5 are typically early cum laude (top 5% of class) and 5 are athletic/hook/legacy/development. Stats are similar for Yale and Princeton, and lower for MIT and Stanford. Andover is usually pretty close to the same matriculation numbers, although 2012 was a little lower than usual.

YOU ARGUABLY HAVE A SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER CHANCE BEING VALEDICTORIAN AT HOME.

Go for the education, the peers, and most people are very glad they went to boarding school. But even A and E are no longer a ticket to top schools.

And another.....

Yesterday, 10:46 AM #30
PhotographerMom
Junior Member

Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 38

If you're only concerned with brand, acceptance rates and college matriculation, you have completely missed the point of a Secondary School education.

If your child is happy there and you can afford it, then why not? It's all a cr@p shoot. Like others have said, you can only provide so much, the rest is up to your child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to school in Boston (Harvard). There were tons of students from the prep schools in Boston at Boston College, Wellesley, Tufts, etc.

I don't know about the Big 3 from DC but I know I think the worst college a kid can get into from a school like Exeter is Boston University.

There is no guarantee just because you went to Exeter that you're guaranteed a spot at an Ivy. And while Exeter is an excellent school, it is not the end all to end all, and that is for any boarding school. Contrary to popular belief, privates and top publics are equal competition to all colleges. The colleges aren't looking to fill their slots exclusively from any one school and that includes Harvard.

And no, I'm not some parent who was jealous because their kid didn't get into Exeter. We did along with Andover and St. Paul's School but not enough dough. But DC is happy that we didn't force boarding school. They are wonderful choices but it's all about fit just as Boston U. is about fit for anyone including kids from Exeter.

Hahaha. Dream on! The top boarding schools have the highest rates overall acceptance to the Ivies. Do some research!

The problem with your husband's approach is that it sends the signal to your DS that he is being written off -- no need to pay for private school for this guy because he isn't cutting it. And I can tell you from my own experience with older kids at privates that it can be toxic all around when parents see the school solely as a ticket to an Ivy. Its an attitude that permeates through the class.

I think you know this. The most important thing is to have your DS at a school where he can learn and be happy. If thats the case at his current school, he should stay; otherwise he should leave. I have a DC who left a Big 3 and has flourished elsewhere. Its just a school. If it isn't the right school, find the right school.

Having experience at top 3 and public I can tell you that the college counseling is much more individualized, targeted, and intensive at private . There are about 25 students for one college counselor ar DC top 3 and there is some information session or mini clinic every few weeks starting Jan junior year. iin public you share a counselor with hundreds of students.

One question not yet raised is whether OPs child will remain happy and have as many opportunities for leadership by remaining in bottom half of Big 3 school relative to either public option or a different private. If making the change would likely result in him/her getting more attention (which probably would mean other private), more confidence, etc., there is a legitimate question of whether a move may have long term benefits. But I agree with all prior posters that if OP's child is happy at current school (and if expected to stay that way), it could be problematic on many levels to move. Since app deadlines have past, you'd be doing a late move anyway so just wait and see where your DC is later in the school year.

Anonymous wrote:I went to a very competitive private school in another state. It was similar to the big 3, maybe a tiny bit better in college placement. Bottom of the class still typically ended up at great schools - patriot league, rice, bc, bu, tufts. Maybe 10% would go somewhere comparable to Tulane, UCSB, Syracuse. I don't think you can go wrong staying at the private school if your child is happy there. There will be a LOT more support towards college placement like SAT prep, guidance staff, course selection help etc.

This part simply isn't true, based on our experience at another Bethesda high school. SAT prep is all outside at both private and public and most of them seem to be at Prep Matters based on the school wear I see coming out of that place every week. And the course selection help is excellent. Our school has already had a session for parents about choosing schedules for next year including presentations by the head of each department about the options, and the counselors meet one on one with each kid to talk through class choices.

OP, I don't think your ds's college results will be any better coming from BCC, especially making the transition in 10th grade. I'd keep him where he is and focus on the positives. of course if he hates it and is struggling that might be a good reason to to move. But just being in the bottom 50% isn't the end of the world.

I went to a very competitive private school in another state. It was similar to the big 3, maybe a tiny bit better in college placement. Bottom of the class still typically ended up at great schools - patriot league, rice, bc, bu, tufts. Maybe 10% would go somewhere comparable to Tulane, UCSB, Syracuse. I don't think you can go wrong staying at the private school if your child is happy there. There will be a LOT more support towards college placement like SAT prep, guidance staff, course selection help etc.

Anonymous wrote:I went to school in Boston (Harvard). There were tons of students from the prep schools in Boston at Boston College, Wellesley, Tufts, etc.

I don't know about the Big 3 from DC but I know I think the worst college a kid can get into from a school like Exeter is Boston University.

There is no guarantee just because you went to Exeter that you're guaranteed a spot at an Ivy. And while Exeter is an excellent school, it is not the end all to end all, and that is for any boarding school. Contrary to popular belief, privates and top publics are equal competition to all colleges. The colleges aren't looking to fill their slots exclusively from any one school and that includes Harvard.

And no, I'm not some parent who was jealous because their kid didn't get into Exeter. We did along with Andover and St. Paul's School but not enough dough. But DC is happy that we didn't force boarding school. They are wonderful choices but it's all about fit just as Boston U. is about fit for anyone including kids from Exeter.