OP, I am usually very critical of parents who post here about their chid's special feeding issues - it seems SO clear to me that they've brought it on themselves.

It doesn't seem to me, at all, that you have done that. You have set boundaries, enforced them, sent him to bed hungry, offered reasonable choices, etc. I think you've done an amazing job.

I think it would be a good idea to consult with someone at this point. Maybe they can work with your son in a way that you can't? My older son sounds a little like yours and had a rough time with a class that I was helping to teach. I finally asked him: "Would you like this more if I wasn't teaching you?" The answer was yes, and he went on to have a great time in that class.

Sending you my best. I really think you've done a great job.

Anonymous wrote:22:07 again... and definitely, no short order cooking at dinner! ALL of the kids eat what you and DH eat (hopefully, "real" food, as opposed to kiddie food) every night. If they are not hungry, they don't have to eat a lot, but one bite of each item. Then NOTHING MORE until breakfast, which is at a generally set time (7:00 a.m.?) every day, even weekends.

Tighten up the ship, mom!

Do you have kids? Seriously, there's no way my kids have the pallet to eat the types of spices and flavors that DH and I have. I don't expect my kids to eat enchiladas or salmon. I give them cheese quesadillas and fish sticks. Your advice is not a great idea for a kid that has shown his determination not to eat certain foods. And then you want to take away the only meal he likes?

I'm thinking you haven't actually been through this except in the books. Don't you know: you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink!

OP check out advice for "resistant eaters"

http://www.speechlanguagefeeding.com/picky-eaters-will-not-starve-themselves-but-problem-or-resistant-eaters-might/

This is what concerns me about this forum. Some "registered dietician" gives advice, the parent may follow, then you here on the news about some child starving to death locally. I think OP is smarter than this, but some posters are not. All the so called "professions" on the board should keep a tighter lip.

Anonymous wrote:22:07, I'm shocked at your advice. First, it's what OP is doing, with the exception of restricting food, and it totally isn't working. As she said, he's getting worse and her mealtimes are miserable. But the biggest thing is I can't imagine a parent sending their child to school and to bed hungry. It just seems so cruel.

Couldn't agree more. Two pedi's have given me different advice. Do not listen to this.

22:07, I'm shocked at your advice. First, it's what OP is doing, with the exception of restricting food, and it totally isn't working. As she said, he's getting worse and her mealtimes are miserable. But the biggest thing is I can't imagine a parent sending their child to school and to bed hungry. It just seems so cruel.

22:07 again... and definitely, no short order cooking at dinner! ALL of the kids eat what you and DH eat (hopefully, "real" food, as opposed to kiddie food) every night. If they are not hungry, they don't have to eat a lot, but one bite of each item. Then NOTHING MORE until breakfast, which is at a generally set time (7:00 a.m.?) every day, even weekends.

Tighten up the ship, mom!

Anonymous wrote:He is eating a shit-ton of breakfast. Explain to him that he will begin to eat a normal portion in the a.m. of favored foods.

Registered Dietitian here, and I agree that this is the root of your problem. We all train ourselves to eat/ be hungry on cue and he has gotten into a pattern that he eats most of his calories for the day at breakfast, and then doesn't feel hungry or need to eat as much the rest of the day. This in and of itself is not a bad thing, but he is not getting the nutrient variety at breakfast that he needs.

This will require some retraining but it can be done if you are firm. You have to start by limiting the amount he eats at breakfast and insisting on more variety. The eggs/ bacon/ toast are OK -- some days -- but it should not be a daily thing. Go with a simple bowl of cereal and fruit some days, and then expect him to eat more at lunch.

The books I read are any by Ellyn Satter (something like that - not sure on spelling).

Anonymous wrote:He is eating a shit-ton of breakfast. Explain to him that he will begin to eat a normal portion in the a.m. of favored foods.

Excellent idea. Starve the kid at night, then give him a small breakfast. Then, when he starts eating a huge lunch, you can portion that too! And, when you're shocked to see his bones and that he's dropped a ton of weight...you can take him to the doc to figure out what's going on! Please don't be so type-a about what your kid is eating.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks so much for all of the advice. I tell them regularly that it is my job to give them healthy food, their job to eat it or not.

PP here. If your child is getting to the point of breakdowns at the table, that's the big difference i was talking about. if you really accept that it's your job to offer and leave it at that, instead of requiring him to try whatever you made and him having the choice of something he doesn't like or no food, then there's no reason for your child to breakdown and have to leave the table. Given the variety of foods he eats, doesn't sound like a sensory issue, but an evaluation couldn't hurt of this is really making your meals miserable.

As far as food between meals, I don't require permission to eat, but I only make food certain times of the day so if you want it you have to be able to make it yourself. My only rule is that you can't take from my supply for the meals I've planned. This works because my little one doesn't eat many snacks and if she does, it's usually a tube of yogurt, and my teenager eats non stop from the time he gets up until he goes to bed.

OP,

I'm wondering what would happen if you just let him eat whatever he wanted. Literally. I mean, you've tried really hard to get him to eat or to set parameters and standards. What would happen if for one whole week, you just made dinner -- whatever everyone else will eat -- and you just didn't say anything about him/his food/his eating AT ALL. If he doesn't want what your having, he can get himself some bread and cereal or cheese or whatever. Maybe you could have a little area in the fridge that has acceptable alternatives that he can pick from when he doesnt like what you've made for dinner.

I think you are very very stressed about this and it's really not helping. (No judgment here b/c I have felt this stress since my 6.5 yr. old was born). The only rule I'd suggest is that he has to sit in his chair and use a normal voice (i.e. not be disruptive). Other than that, the food is totally up to him.... even dessert.

Could you try this for a week and see how it goes? I'm sure it'll be hard, but something has to change and it doesn't look like it's going to be your son, so maybe it has to be the way you handle it. Go 180 degrees the other way -- totally hands off.

Anonymous wrote:

We've tried to have dessert after eating a reasonable dinner, but then everyone just sat down and immediately said "how much do I have to eat to get dessert? how much? am I done yet?" I didn't like that at all because I want them to listen to their bodies and figure out when they're full. Also, dinner conversation was nonexistent.

That used to drive me BONKERS. I just got SO tired of negotiating bites of chicken for a cookie. We finally decided that we wouldn't have dessert, except for fruit, during the week (obviously we make exceptions on birthdays) We make the dessert really special though, like a trip to the frozen yogurt place, on weekends.

BTW, my 7 y/o has over the past few months become pickier too. For example he won't eat banana yogurt anymore, just vanilla and he'll only eat yellow American cheese. I'm hoping it's a phase, my teenager was a moderately picky eater and now he eats anything that's not nailed down.

He is eating a shit-ton of breakfast. Explain to him that he will begin to eat a normal portion in the a.m. of favored foods.